Do you think about how family will feel?

[Life interrupted]

No, not anymore

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

I think about it every day how else I'm I meant to end this pain. It is a part of me that can't be fixed or adapted too.
Thinking about leaving my family; husband and children makes me sick.
How do I help their grief? How did I make their pain more bearable?

If I ask about it my mind will explode

 

[Tristan]

My family probably say, I saw this coming long time ago. At least I wont be a rock on their shoes anymore.

 

[BrokenLine]

No i don't think about it now, i used to used to worry a lot about.
Will it be a surprise to anyone, no it really wont.

 

[FogFilledLife]

Better to think about how you would feel.

 

[nopride86]

When I think about my family, it confirms that I should CTB. Enmeshment and emotional incest run rampant and I feel trapped by it. I've received advice to go NC first and see if it changes things, but i know my mom's behavior and it will make things 100% worse and I would become even more scared and paranoid of her actions than I already am.

I've had suicidal ideation for almost 20 years now. But I really faced the facts about a year ago. My mom would rather I be dead than estranged. I know it to my very core. She would receive attention and support from grieving in ways that she wouldn't if I just "abandoned" her. It's sick, but part of me feels better knowing that, instead of living with the guilt of estrangement and constantly trying to untangle myself from the enmeshment web.

 

[BrokenLine]

My family know I'm depressed and when talking to them. Just say remember to keep you head above the water. How will they feel, who honestly gives a crap, I spent 20+ years of hell giving a crap. But what I've leant is at the end of the day for me at least the people I give and giving a lot too and all I came to care for, just don't ever give a shit about me.

 

[NorseHel]

Yes, especially since my sister tried to ctb I think a year and a half ago or so. I just know they'd feel it's their fault, because that's exactly how they felt back then. and while my sister and I are basically strangers to each other, and I do think she's in a better place now (though, how would I know, since we don't talk) I still worry she'd be next in line for the bus. That's probably a ridiculous thought, but... if that happened, I think that kind of loss could break anyone.

it breaks my heart thinking about it, but at the same time... I'm not here because I want to die, I'm here because I want to live but currently see no future for myself in which I can do so humanely. I take some solace in the idea that if it comes to the point where I feel I am no longer able to live a humane life, maybe I can convince them of that fact. maybe I can convince them that yes, I tried, and yes, I put a lot of thought into this, and no, this wasn't preventable or fixable, it was a road reaching its end. that this was the better option, maybe the only option. anyway... I'm about to go off topic.

 

[DeprivedofLife666]

I don't give a flying fuck about my "family". I was a mistake because my "mom" was a 17yo whore who snuck out of the house and fucked a dude she didn't know but couldn'tget an abortion, more on that later. My "dad" turned out to be a kiddy-diddler(Pedophile) so imagine how disgusted I felt when I found out that I am related to a kid-fucker. Then there is the greatest cause for my ever miserable existence. My fucking grandma. Ugh!! This bitch! I had to live with her since I was 19 and she put me on SSI because I inherited all the fucked up genes on her side. Here I am now at 31, still on SSI, she won't let me get a job or move out or learn how to drive. Why? because that ssi check is just too fucking good for her to give up so I can be happy and live my life however I damn well please. I have no life, thanks to her. Offing myself and letting her find my husk is the best goddamn revenge I'll ever have. This toxic, narcissist only cares about her. She constantly belittled me, treats me like a child, even confiscated my phone and computer on multiple occasions. Fat-shames me because I can't have time to myself to exercise. Calls me a whore and a cock sucker even though I'm a virgin and will most likely die one. I have no friends. She's a hoarder and I'm sick to death of living in a pigsty and smelling dog shit and piss because she has 14 small dogs and breeds them for more M-O-N-E-Y. She is also a racist, a bigot, and hates the whole gay community. She's also a fucking holier-than-thou Christian but yet she tells me constantly that she wishes I was aborted to which I reply "You're fault that I'm still here. Hypocrite."

TL;DR: No. I fucking hate them all and when I die, I'll greet Death with a big smooch! IDGAF!

 

[Mtnwildflowers]

I am going through with this one way or another eventually but it is making my stomach turn thinking about the amount of pain it's going to cause my parents and siblings.. I feel so selfish and it's going to destroy them. How do you feel when you think about your family or people who love you and how it will affect them? Just curious..

It doesn't bother me anymore. I'm in so much suffering misery and pain I have to think about myself

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Not really