How many people here have discussed their thoughts about committing suicide to friends or family members? Or do you feel uncomfortable discussing it?

[G50]

I am just wondering if people here who have been contemplating suicide for some time have been able to talk about this with a friend or family member. Have you found someone who can give a sympathetic ear to your suffering, and to whom you can explain why you have suicidal ideation? If so, did you find the conversation helpful?

I'd really like to talk about my suicidal ideation with someone sympathetic, but don't really have any friends or family members that I feel comfortable talking about it. And of course, it's such a touchy, taboo subject, that almost everyone is going to find it very difficult to handle, when someone tells them that they are suffering so badly that they are thinking of killing themselves.

You can of course phone the Samaritans, but I am not looking for someone who by default are going to try to talk you out of suicide. I want someone who understands the level of mental health suffering I have been going through for years, and does not try to influence my thinking or decisions either way, but just listens with an understanding ear.

 

[lilypeaches]

I used to talk about it with a friend who felt the same a couple years ago. It was refreshing to talk to someone who didn't say "suicide is bad" and other similar stuff. Someone who I could relate to and would hear me out. We would always be there for each other when we needed to vent.

She had also told our other friends about her feelings and when she sent her suicide note she got reported and got the cops called on her. I don't know if she knows who exactly it was, but she's been cautious. Which resulted in us not talking about suicide since.

I've been telling someone else about my suicidal thoughts and he'll listen to me. The only thing is that he's not understanding and thinks it's selfish. At first he would constantly try to talk me out of it, but then he started to give up and just gives me dry responses or doesn't respond to everything I say. I like being able to tell someone about my suicidal thoughts because it calms me down a bit. Its just that sometimes his response or lack thereof make me feel worse and lonely.

I think that unless someone has experienced it for themselves, the majority of them will just try to talk you out of it.

 

[thelostautistic]

My friends and family know I've struggled my mental health. I don't discuss it with my family though. They found out about my issues against my will. As for my friends I speak to them about some of the things troubling me but I don't talk about suicide. I'd never tell them about how bad things really are because I don't see the point in worrying them and there's nothing they can do. I'm a broken person. I've spoken to professionals about my suicidal thoughts over the years. I don't tell anyone about plans or this forum though.

If you don't have friends or family members you could open up to maybe you could try a therapist. Suicide is a taboo topic but they're trained to deal with it so it might be easier speaking to them? Not all therapists are perfect but there are good ones out there that will listen and not judge you.

 

[Lemon Ice Cube]

My parents only know about my suicidal ideation because my school reported it to them. My mom didn't think 12 year olds were capable of contemplating death, which I find a bit funny. My parents mean well when they tell me not to worry so much about things, they just don't know what it's like to feel this way almost 24/7 and I don't wish that upon them.

Regarding therapists, there are a few that refuse to offer services to those who are actively suicidal which sucks but is understandable. I explained that I had no active plans and the guy did hear me out though.

 

[walsun]

I had about 15 grams of chloroquine phosphate in my room to ctb a few years back when I was 15 I guess? My mom found the wrappers ( I'd put the pills a different place just overnight so I could do it fast) and she accused me of being a drug addict and I got beaten for it. So I don't think so. Nobody knows.

 

[bugunmasked]

i actually talked to my mom last night about my suicidal tendencies & i found out she had written letters with the same intent in her younger years. it was helpful, she offered me to visit for a bit or her come up to visit for a bit & offered advice / reassurance. i already know i'm temporarily OK & the ctb feelings are just gonna come back & intensify, but i am thankful for my support.

 

[TAW122]

I have never and for obvious reasons. We live in a world where even the open, honest discussion of the topic, let alone the thought of planning to commit the act of CTB (suicide) can result in unwanted consequences, it simply is way to dangerous to even broach the topic, especially in the way we discuss it openly here. Therefore, SaSu is the only place where I am able to discuss the topic of suicide openly without worrying about unwanted consequences.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I have told family and friends I want to die.
I didnt use the word suicide because somehow I felt it would be less intimidating to hear. So now if I do CTB, no one will be shocked. They know I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and have tried every treatment modality available, all the meds, all the therapy, TMS, ECT and Ketamine. There is nothing else left. Some of my friends have had mental health issues but not to the extreme level I have and none have ever wanted to kill themselves. I feel completely comfortable discussing it. It feels therapeutic but no one wants to hear it and dismisses me. And I also learned the hard way that trying to discuss it with your psychiatrist gets you locked up! If it wasn't such a taboo subject, maybe more lives would be saved.

 

[klvrtuw5]

I am not looking for someone who by default are going to try to talk you out of suicide

That is my impression, that everyone's default will be to try to talk you out of it, or to recommend therapy or medication or something.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I messaged my psychologist a Google Doc I made that had many similar sentiments that I've posted here on this site. 9 pages of them in fact. She was very worried about me to the point of calling me. That'll be a fun conversation to have next week. Not sure what I expected though. Did I really think she'd say "You're so right!" and assist me? Like c'mon.

 

[yuihinafan]

For me, i unfortunatley do not have the luxury of talking to anyone, i grew up in a crappy household with horrible parents. I also dont really have any friends who would be willing to listen or take me serious. Im kinda used to bottling up my feelings lol

 

[pieceoffox]

Only my friends know about my death wish. Before, I tried to pretend that everything was fine. Now, everything is very bad, so my close friends now know about it. Naturally, none of them would be happy about my death. Now I try to talk as little as possible about how bad I am, because I think everyone is tired of listening to me

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Online friends know, no one in my real life knows about it though.

 

[Aflame5926]

my parents know about plans and i got social workers + gp + personal trainer that knows about the ideation.

im still on a pointless waiting list but if that shit takes to long or swings once again to the wrong side im gone

for the rest with friends i keep quiet. they are in their life where they dont need my struggle.

they do know bit of pieces of the struggle but im not showing everything

 

[Malfunction]

No, there isn't anyone I would trust with that discussion.

At most, I've mentioned to a few that I would end my life before ending up in a nursing home.

 

[NickyKymJelly]

Never told my parents. To them I just randomly attempted one day and now they think I'm fine (or just don't care idk). I used to talk about suicide to my friends all the time, but they got irritated with me and started to ignore me in general. I don't know for sure why, but I think I made them uncomfortable. Throughout my whole life I've never met someone okay with talking about suicide (excluding the counselors and therapists that you can't be too honest with lol).

 

[LosingFeathers]

Sounds weird, but I sometimes talk with my mother about suicide, when I'm visiting her. She was suicidal herself and tried to ctb 2 times. One time when she was roughly my age, she got incredibly close. She actually died, but they reanimated her in the hospital. Also her best friend hanged herself, so she got perspective from someone who committed and from people who got left behind.

 

[iguazo falls]

i used to be an open book aorund anyone except family. family found out against my will. now i say very little to others. i dont like being monitored, stopped, or misunderstood so not talking helps. i used to have a really bad oversharing problem and now im so closed off and pretend all the time. here is the only place i publicly say much anymore.

 

[BlockHammer]

Nah i never did that, my parents are too religious and arrogant!! Thinking that every mental problem can be solve by praying (i mean beside this they were a decent parents so i can't be too mad at them) but yeah....i will never tell them about my suicidality

 

[Serena 2026]

I sort of dropped a hint to my Evangelical sister-in-law—we're very close—about what I was planning to do soon, but I ended up regretting it... now her whole life revolves around wanting God or Jesus to save me; she gets outraged when I say I don't believe in God and torments me daily with divine messages. Still, I know she means well and that she'll suffer when I'm gone... The only times I've been able to talk openly have been with people like me here on this site...

 

[SoulWhisperer]

For me talking to any family members would be a suicide before the suicide, basically. They're the reason I wanna CTB to begin with and they would make my hell even a double hell. I don't really have friends irl so that's also out of question. I have a feeling this place and people online are the only people I can trust with such thing. Which is ironic, people closest to me are the least trustworthy here.

 

[need2beskinny_]

I've spoken about it. But don't think anyone takes me seriously or tries to help me. Should I prove to them I can do it?

 

[Aren]

I am just wondering if people here who have been contemplating suicide for some time have been able to talk about this with a friend or family member. Have you found someone who can give a sympathetic ear to your suffering, and to whom you can explain why you have suicidal ideation? If so, did you find the conversation helpful?

I'd really like to talk about my suicidal ideation with someone sympathetic, but don't really have any friends or family members that I feel comfortable talking about it. And of course, it's such a touchy, taboo subject, that almost everyone is going to find it very difficult to handle, when someone tells them that they are suffering so badly that they are thinking of killing themselves.

You can of course phone the Samaritans, but I am not looking for someone who by default are going to try to talk you out of suicide. I want someone who understands the level of mental health suffering I have been going through for years, and does not try to influence my thinking or decisions either way, but just listens with an understanding ear.

I did. They put guilty on me. Then said they will help me. I trusted them and then when they saw my pain they tried to erase it but they just can't by saying "move on" so they left me in my pain, pretending they did the maximum. Since i don't talk about it with them and plan to find a way out without my family in my life.

 

[coolcow1289]

I don't have friends. And telling family wouldn't improve anything. It'd just make them worry and make both of our lives worse. There's nothing they can magically say or do to fix me. They aren't the problem.

So no, I keep it to myself. The only person who can help me, is me.

 

[Redhand5]

I've told one friend about trying and she told a friend of ours. Not ideal. So I haven't mentioned anything to anyone else aside from you fine folks. That's one thing I like about SASU, we all get it. I wish I could tell my mom, and some friends. I wish I could open up about my decision but I can't take the risk. That's the part that bothers me the most.

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

im really open abt it, i made a new friend a few days ago on the bus and i told him about me being suicidal around 5 hours into our convo lmfao. its a big part of my identity honestly, but to be fair i only brought it up because he seemed to be comfortable talking about things like that- and he expressed relating as well

 

[tiara]

I've tried but I've gotten a lot of logical-help kind of support and my case seems to be fixable by logic and action right off the bat so I found myself pulling back and cutting it short by giving the reactions they need. I've talked about it before to people (professionals, family, friends) but it's an uncomfortable thing and kind of like makes things awkward in my case.

 

[roastedpotato5230]

honestly, ive always felt like venting my feelings wouldnt really help either me or the people i vent to. i dont ever think i could bring myself to talk to my parents about this, and my friends have more important things going on tbh. additionally its never really made me feel better in the past.

I do however have friends that have previously had suicidal feelings, and while I wasnt the main person consoling them, id like to believe that it worked for them more than it would for me.

 

[livingdeaddyke]

i rather not, i couldnt even bring up my methods because i know they will try and stop me, and i do not want to be stopped.

 

[disordered_carat]

I have a close friend whom I can talk about my ideation with, and it's honestly a double-edged sword. They're someone who also deals with their own ideation, so they often understand what I mean and where I am coming from without any judgment. I love them very dearly and appreciate that they can be sympathetic without pitying me or trying to talk me out of having ideations and suicide itself. I say it's a double-edged sword because although they're nothing but supportive and help me talk through my ideation, I can't help but feel guilty for coming to them about it. I mean, at the end of the day, they're only human too.

I've tried talking to my parents about it, my mom specifically, since she's attempted before, but it often ends up with me feeling worse because I can see how deeply it affects them or them unintentionally making me feel ungrateful and unreasonable.

At the end of the day, I can assure you that no one will actually be surprised/shocked if I do end up CTB. Although many people in my life are uncomfortable with me discussing my ideation, they've all heard it from me at least once. I've also talked to a few of the professionals I've seen throughout the years, but it often ends with them trying to talk me out of it.

Overall, when I do talk about it, I try to avoid the word "suicide," just cause I know it causes an instant reaction of pity and all the reasons I shouldn't off myself.