like you're just going about your day and suddenly you get the sudden but strong feeling of "I have to die right now"
does this happen to any of y'all? I'm just curious
I've gotten quite a lot of this in the past few days
This is probably not quite what you're looking for, but I've felt like this once. I'll never forget it: August 21, 2015.
I was doing important, novel medical research at a prestigious university for the summer and gearing up for my senior year of undergrad, during which I would be working as an actual adjunct professor of physics. I was 35 and my life was beautiful. Not perfect of course, but all the things I had been working to accomplish were blossoming at an alarming rate.
During the summer I spent a lot of time alone. Sometimes so many days/weeks passed that when I would finally speak to someone, my voice would be hoarse. A week before my fellowship ended, this handsome tech supervisor in my department took me out on a cinematic date. We rode on his motorcycle - something brand new for me - and went to dinner where he dramatically confessed the crush he had been burning with since I had arrived. We saw a show, sang karaoke, got kicked out of karaoke, laughed heartily, confessed deep secrets, and made out in darkened corners. We spent the next week seeing each other every chance we could get before I left. He let "I love you" slip when we had been drinking on the 20th.
That Friday on the back of his bike, it occurred to me how amazing my life was. How perfect it was. I was on the way up and getting the attention of some really important folks. A man wanted me for the first time in my life. As we rode around I realized I could just let go and fall off the bike, die like a champion. So happy I could die. The thought came back a couple times in the last couple days on that bike with him. I almost did it. I wish I had.