Do you really want to die?

[Antigonish]

Not really. But it's the only future I see for myself. Even if I live to be 90 or 139. I'm just cutting out the middle man. Life is boring. Even the fun things get boring after awhile.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

No, I like life and living. My problems make it very hard to enjoy life the way I want to though, or have much of a life in general.

 

[Adamsnolife]

No I don't but The way life has treated me, I'm only existing not living any more and it's not life.

 

[mini_weeny]

I want to die every minute also :( and I'm afraid of sn not working I'm also afraid of it working and my parents finding me dead. If that wasn't a concern i would've made an attempt already. I keep envisioning them finding me and it's so damn awful. I can't do it in my car because I know I never will. It's just too uncomfortable. I've experienced sn (half a gram so definitely not comparable to the 20g) and I don't want to feel that way while in a car. I need to be able to lie down. ugh.

what scares you about sn?

How did it feel, can you elaborate please??? Thanks

 

[Bigpink]

I don't want to be here anymore. I've doing nothing in my life, not close to anyone and would not be missed.

 

[Kbeau]

I got it but years ago. Play all your cards.

 

[Deleted member 25508]

i don't want to die. i just want to be a completely different person with a completely different life, which isn't possible.

 

[Isitmytime]

I see it as the ultimate shortcut. We're all going there anyway. How bad could it be?

My point, too. The question seems more like "do you really want to die now or very soon?" Well, not really, but as we are all going to die someday, the question is the risk/benefit ratio. Did I try everything I could to make it better? Can I accept living under the circumstances, if I can't do or get what I want and am I sure of what I want? Do I still have enough strength to keep fighting? Can I get the support that I need if I need it? (Not the support others think I need) Etc.
To the prolifers out there: what makes you think that you have the right to tell someone how to live their life or how to end it? Better help them see their options and make an informed decision. Being so self-righteous is annoying. Very few people die a natural death without any suffering and many have no loved one to rely on or take care of. And that "you are never alone" BS is getting on my nerves already. Do you try to make yourselves feel better or are you actually interested in helping? Because vomiting positive BS or trying to make the person feel selfish for ctb does not help. Sometimes you simply can't do anything practical to help a situation, deal with it.

 

[Trisolaris]

I want to die with all of my heart.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

It's more like I need to die. I will never make peace with the past. My life was over after high school.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I did and I thought this place would help me in my quest but knowing I have a choice is helping me. Keeping it all inside meant I felt I had no choice but to ctb

 

[imsorrythatimhere]

I kinda wanna die, kinda wanna live to see what happens and because of the guilt I feel whenever I think about how the people around me will react.

 

[Avyn]

I want to see if in the future everything is going to be alright, that's the only reason I am here, because of hope. Hoping my life will take a big turn and I will finally be free, able to live my own life. I have had suicidal thoughts ever since I was a young child, but I always hoped "Maybe if I grow up it will be better!" No, even at the age of almost 20 I am still in the same shit, if not even deeper. If nothing really ends up happening and there is no end to my suffering, then I will really end up killing myself. I know that before I die, I at least tried.

 

[AE2021]

Not at the moment. But have had suicidal ideation since my early teens. Managed to make my way through adulthood, just barely. But now that I am older the most important thing is to control how and when I die. So I keep multiple options kind of ready and have no doubt that I will know when the time comes and can successfully do what I need to do. Will be very determined and sure that it is the right action.

 

[raindrops]

im sure if i had a well paid job, something like £1,700/£1,900 pm
i would save for 3 months while living here at my grandmothers then i'd go get my own place.
only then i would love myself more, i would have peace, i would have confidence, i would have independence, i would be a better person all round.

 

[iwanttodie000]

Yes, I definitely want to die. I am so empty and broken fighting this depression and anxiety everyday that it's my only way out. I don't want to seek help and spend money on shit that doesn't work, ctb is the only way to the peace I'm seeking and I have that drilled into my head. I want nothing more to be dead and in eternal peace.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I really want to be dead but I'm not super motivated to have my throat crushed for half a minute. Fuckers need to start selling Nembutal in supermarkets, this is inhumane.

 

[Jiva]

Honestly? Only sometimes. Only when i have pains.

 

[Nexey]

When my depression was more severe, the biggest thing that kept me going was my pets.

These days, well. I enjoy, or at the very least, I don't hate, the more simple things. I try to see myself less as a human who's confined by concrete jungles, and more as... literally any other animal. Of course, I don't plan on joining a wolf pack anytime soon but primitivism makes my soul hurt less.

 

[Moonbounce]

I want to die, but I am in no living situation to make it happen right now. It's agonizing sometimes.
For me it would be as easy as purchasing a firearm if I weren't living with a parent, but alas.

 

[WaitForSleep]

I really don't want to die. I see how life can be amazing in a lot of ways, and there's so many things in this world that I haven't experienced. But, I just can't stand living this life anymore.

 

[Canttakeitanymore]

I just wanna wake up from this nightmare

 

[mpnf]

I dont want to die cause J can see in others (very few people) how spiritually and financially life can be so great and satisfying. I see the beauty of life looking at the sky or being out in the nature and feeling calm listening to the music I like. but I want to finish my existence here in this physical realm. Regardless of what could be waiting for me on the other side. At least it would be something different or not..My life would repeat over and over but it would not be on this place that we know ... I don't know.
I'm tired of wondering around everything and realising it helps nothing with my situation but making my depression and anxiety worse. It's a non-ending cycle of the same bullsit over and over.

At the end of the day, what do we know for certain?

 

[jakaka]

I honestly don't want to die at all. But I can't move on or forward anymore due to my fear and actions so here we are. Also life only ever gets harder never easier so if I can't handle it now I sure as shit am not gonna be able to handle it down the road. There's never a break it's a constant battle