Do you really want to die, or do you just want things to change?

[SenseOfLoss]

If the drug damage done to me by a doctor could be reversed, I would be the most grateful and happiest person in the world.... I have been through a lot in life, suffered many blows of fate, suicidal thoughts have always come up, but I have never felt so destroyed as I do now. So yes, if I were like I used to be, I wouldn't want to die.

 

[Professor K]

death is the solution to life.

because the termination of my life is the only solution to my otherwise life long defectiveness,

our society, the way it is structured don't suit me.
any concept of value and culture, to me is destructive,
''this is beautiful, this is ugly, this is lazy, this is productive,
depression and anger is bad, politeness and intelligence is good'',
living among secular priests trying to feed me with their food,
having to lie and live in a lie because detaining another truth kills,
dare to think outside of the box and you have to swallow those pills,
that is why i need to free myself from these delusions.

our bodies, the way they work and were created to work distresses me.
spending my days fulfilling different deprivations,
remaining healthy and medicated for the sake of socialization,
from this awful sensation of hunger or fullness,
to the nausea, cramps, pain and sadness,
and any sense of proprety of your own self is fallacious,
my body is an object used for industrial and human profits which are dubious,
that is why i need to free myself from myself.

because this life long awareness will only cause hurt,
because i don't feel good inside this onerous and impersonal body,

my death is the solution to my life.

 

[Purgetha]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

I know that i can change things, and sometimes i say to myself "life isn't so bad afterall" but at the end of the day, death would be my eternal peace, and i want my eternal peace.

 

[pieck's-bongwater]

Maybe, but I really don't think things could change in the way that I would want them to. I used to do this art therapy when I was young, and it was really nice, but after a few sessions I found out my mom was $700 in debt to her......... safe to say things aren't going to improve because my stupid fucking brain won't change. I have no desire to "do the work" to change. too much work for such little pay off.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

I wished it could change, but im born with a deformity and nothing can change that or the absolute shit it brings with it. Death is just so much better then this.

 

[Chara]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

Yes.

Still want things to change. For those who would thrive if things that can be changed for the better were.

Some of us want a better world, but don't necessarily want to live in that better world if that makes sense. Some of us are just ready to go, even if things were perfect. Ever watched the Good Place? Even in the best place ever, nobody wants to be trapped somewhere forever. Eventually, you're just done. Some of us are done sooner than others. Am just done. If society suddenly change to be a good place for people like and it didn't hurt anymore? Sure, would want stick around a bit longer. But would still wind up being done after a while.

 

[dumpsterfire]

i want things back that cant come back. my life has changed so much from when i was a kid, houses and items have been sold, people pets and friends have died, i have become someone i do not like anymore. the world is depressing once you take off your rose colored glasses, and i dont want to keep pretending anymore. It's exhausting and im tired, i just want to sleep for just a bit longer.

 

[Immunitysucks]

I have lurked this forum for a long time.
This is so sad that almost all of people here are depressed and want to end things because of depression.
i have been depressed most of adult life, at least 15 years - IT IS MANAGBLE. noone ever gave you the toolbox to use . The tool box is meditation, slow and long runs, for some weight lifting and diet . All of these things make a HUGE difference, depression can be managed, trauma can be managed. You can live a full wonderfull life! Just discipline yourself and work withyourself. Therapy doe snot even stand close in effectiveness of proper meditation, it takes time to learn as with everything.

Im here because my bodies immunity is destroyed. I am not able to eat properly. Latley i cant even sleep, no sedative helps. I am doomed to be alone forever. Each contact with human being makes my immunity even worse.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

I don't know if it's what I really want but my mind obsesses over the concept so it feels inevitable. Maybe I'll continue to just live with it. We'll see.

 

[Jamesun]

I really wish everything would change but that may never happen and I think I should just die I gave up trying to change.

 

[ABSOLUTION]

i have been depressed most of adult life, at least 15 years - IT IS MANAGBLE.

I do agree with you, it can be manageable. I certainly could manage it. But unfortunately, it is the symptom and not the cause for my choice to CTB in the foreseeable future.
Some mornings I will wake up refreshed and feeling pretty content, but I still know that I will need to CTB sometime.

 

[S like Siren]

I desperately want things to change.

 

[Laklusta]

I am coming to the acceptance that there are plenty of things out of my control that hurts me, so it only increases my urge to die.

 

[Alltheywanted]

I can't really imagine myself not being suicidal but b4 i ctb i want to try to achieve my goals so i can see if i ever could be happy.

 

[Ramon292]

Its funny bc i dont really want to die, but everything i see is pointless... i know that every time i achieve something i dont feel anything. I dont feel anything no matter the change and i wonder if i will ever feel anything again. doesnt seem like it. Also the funniest most contradicting thing is i dont want to kill myself as i stated but i have done multiple attempts.

 

[ready19]

Voglio che le cose cambino, ma sento anche che anche se cambiassero i miei pensieri e il trauma rimarrebbero tossici. Mi sento come se volessi ancora togliermi la vita

Mi sento come te, sono in bilico. Le cose vanno un po' meglio, migliorano, ma ora qualcosa si è rotto e voglio solo chiudere gli occhi e non svegliarmi mai più.

 

[blue_muse]

I still want to die. Too much water under the bridge is the reason why I can't press a reset button and start over.

 

[Griffith_NPD]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

There is only one thing that could save me from CTB and making me want to live... and that is if my love, loved me. Love is the only thing that has saved me before. It's the only thing I can feel, otherwise I feel nothing, emotionless.