Another health problem arising

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I have IBS and tinnitus, which already affect every part of my life, and just in the past few weeks, I think another issue is arising. I don't want to be specific because I'm seriously too scared to even describe it, but it is causing me more pain than the previous two conditions I already have.

I'm so scared, I'm fucking terrified. I'm not scared it's cancer, I would be relieved if it was cancer. I'm worried it is something the doctors will say is 'not serious' but that I nonetheless must learn to 'manage' and 'live with', just like my previous conditions. But it lowes my quality of life. I can't focus, I can't sit, I can't be in the moment. I meditated for years, but all that is gone, because I've learned that you can't always just 'be in the moment' when you're in pain. Not all problems exist only outside the body. Some problems infect every part of you, they are indistinguishable from you.

I want to get better, I don't want to die, I want to live so my family doesn't need to suffer. I want to be there for my best friend who said she would be lost without me. I want to make it to the end of my life so I can look to the sky and tell God 'despite all my mistakes, I did my best, I endured until the end'. But it becomes harder and harder to imagine my life ending any other way than suicide. It feels that at a certain point, platitudes, treatments, and even faith no longer help. At a certain point, life becomes impossible to live.

I hope so strongly that this issue passes. I have had extreme health anxiety ever since I developed IBS and tinnitus, and there are certainly many things I've worried are permanent that eventually passed. I hope this too passes in the next few weeks, or I worry I will spiral down again, and no longer be able to work, exercise, spend time with family and friends, or any of the other things I still manage to do to trick myself into thinking I'm a normal functional person, that I'm not absolutely fucking doomed.

 

[kitkat9234]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much.

I have had stomach issues due to having my gallbladder out but haven't been specifically diagnosed with IBS. It is awful though. Not knowing when you will have an episode. Worried about it all the time at work and blowing up the bathroom lol sorry TMI. I also have GERD which has been awful but taking meds for that. Also chronic dry mouth and difficulty swallowing (forget the actual name for that) so more meds for that even though they don't work. Yay more meds on top of all the psych meds they have me on.

I hope you find relief soon.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much.

I have had stomach issues due to having my gallbladder out but haven't been specifically diagnosed with IBS. It is awful though. Not knowing when you will have an episode. Worried about it all the time at work and blowing up the bathroom lol sorry TMI. I also have GERD which has been awful but taking meds for that. Also chronic dry mouth and difficulty swallowing (forget the actual name for that) so more meds for that even though they don't work. Yay more meds on top of all the psych meds they have me on.

I hope you find relief soon.

Thanks for your comment. I'm sorry to hear you also have health issues. It's so horrible that when you have one health issue/condition/disease, you're actually more likely to get others because of comorbidities. It's so unfair, God or nature should make us exempt from getting more than one. I hope you find relief too, and that your medications work better to contorl your symptoms, God bless you <3

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much, I just find it so horrific how there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer in this existence, it's all so dreadful to me, I wish you the best, I'm sorry you are tortured so unbearably in this existence.

 

[benjamind2020]

Since my surgery I suffere with constant anhedonia, and I can see how dealing with one thing after another is exhausting. The surgery was to fix two problem. It fixed one problem but leaves the other unresolved. I totally understand this anguish.

 

[U. A.]

oof, relatable (also in that i have both of those things to an extent). when blessed as a young person with that sense of invincibility i never felt anything was gonna be a big deal. till something i ignored for months cause me a kind and intensity of pain all of a sudden one day so severe, i thought i would just spontaneously die if i didnt kill myself. never had the latter thought entered my brain till then.

now, with that and episode upon episode of terrible medical system interaction which will surely only get more frequent and bad over time, i think the smallest thing is going to not quite kill me, but make me wish it had. ugh.

maybe you know this but there's a chronic illness/physical disease megathread...somewhere. sure you can find it easy, i just dunno where it is right this second. hug..