Do you really want to die, or do you just want things to change?

[endofafoxtwo]

Yeah.. I won't ever have the things I wanted out of life. There's no fixing it.

 

[Meursault4]

I haven't a clue, maybe if new people came into my life and I wasn't so alone, but I think my life is ruined and I will always resent 'people' for never helping me even if they did come into my life now

 

[Lilythefenfen]

I feel like even if things were to change for the better, the trauma I feel in my life and the guilt and anger I feel would remain the same. I'm basically exhausted of it all, so I'd still probably CTB.

 

[Klophy]

I definitely want things to change, but the changes I want aren't realisitically possible.

 

[axxxu]

I can't live with what I've done.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

In my eyes, existence at it's core is completely broken.

The whole thing is a total pointless fiasco, get shat outta moms crack, go through life with expectations, squirt your seed into some girl and continue the loop. Then you die and thats just fucking it ROFL

Like shit, why the fuck do we need all this intelligence to run after an animal, pick berries and thrust into a minge for a couple minutes just to live. All this engineering for what?

I know for a fact i aint the top dog in this nightmare, if there is any grand entity, im a paltry cumstain of a lifeforce. I cant decide anything.

 

[wanttodie]

i really want to die,

 

[charlotte_]

It would be better if things just change, but it never did. I always end up losing relationships I hold close to, always failing, always fall into negative self talk. I've had hope sometimes, but it just comes back to this point again. The only thing I have more throughout the years is mental illnesses lol. But I'm still skeptical abt ctb after all these years. so probably part of me still awaits for change.

 

[Murt]

Really great question. I'm really overwhelmed by living. But if I could see a purpose to life that could change my mind. I've spent my whole life racing through stress/ anxiety. If I could see a simple pleasure I could get hope.

 

[M0nolith]

I don't know. The things that I would want changed are in the past. The things i want changed now aren't, even though i was promised that they would. i feel like i have absolutely no control over my future. I feel like i almost don't have a future, that i'm too weak and can't handle what will come. Perhaps that is why I have lost hope and see death as a way of easing all of my worries and anxieties, and erasing the dread of never being what i could have been.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

Maybe, depends
If all my problems were suddenly solved I probably wouldnt want CTB anymore but thats just a fairytale so CTB it is.

 

[Kerrtu]

Looking back, I wanted things to change so much but didn't quite know how to articulate that feeling enough I suppose - my start in life was bleak, but I did have dreams. Hopes. Wishes.

By the time I was in 5th grade though, I wanted out. My brother abused me regularly, my parents divorced after one last especially violent exchange of their own, I had developed disordered eating, and I wanted to die. My simplistic reasoning at the time: nobody could hurt me if I was dead.

I still believe this simplistic reasoning and need to remember this when my time comes, which it is - rapidly approaching. It is comforting to know as much or rather as difficult as it may be to finally and successfully end my life, to know* I will finally and truly be safe. The nightmare is coming to an end.

I say to know, and while nobody really "knows" what happens after death, and there are many variations of belief in afterlife, or heaven, etc., I believe there is nothing. And in that nothingness, hurt cannot be. I base this on my first and closest to being successful attempt. When I "came back" I felt so deeply disappointed to have been plucked back from the void. Again.

In short, a bit of both. I'm sorry for rambling.

 

[ppoyyx]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

Thats a very interesting question. There is indeed in the world so much things to appreciate, so much people to befriend etc etc but everytime i think in a such positive way i always end up having this 'reality check' click in my head ruining all my hopes : for the past years no matter how i tried to stay positive nothing changed at all. Even during those peaceful moments when i'm not stuck in my problems and overthinks i just realize that i lost the last sparkles of joy and the will to live i had.
Ughh honestly it's really difficult to explain this feeling but i'm pretty sure some people here are experiencing the same thing as me. Globally i just feel like every replies of this thread mixed up, in a way..

And putting my personal problems aside, as someone who got sensitized about global warming at a very young age, i really lost all my hopes at that time so yeah it doesn't help at all ^^'

 

[enough of this]

 

[FadingSunshine]

At this point it has become an obsession.

I feel this. I feel like knowing that I could end it all at any point is a really freeing and addicting thought. You know all those troubles and problems you deal with? Just kill yourself, they'll all be gone. I feel like I mask my anxiety with this emotional numbness, and either way I wouldn't want to keep living this way.

 

[GM28]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

Yes but I can't change what I've done and can't get back. So there's no point in living a life that's a 24/7 blackness and self loathing.

 

[StarlightDreamer]

I just wish I hadn't racked up all these painful injuries, and incurable diseases...

 

[damianshawl]

i would love for things to change, but it seems as if there's constantly a obstacle obstructing me. the times i felt motivated to change things continued to get shit on. so, at this point, took it as a sign that i'm better off just dying.

 

[Sid19]

Some things are just irreversible like my mom, who is dead now. I had suicidal thoughts for years but I didn't thought about doing it. Now is different though.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I just can't see any future that I would feel engaged enough in to want to live. Change generally takes effort too- huge amounts. So- I both don't see an end result as being worth it and- I don't have the will/ determination/ energy to put in the effort to get there.

I guess- if I won a lot of money, I could live a lot more comfortably without having to do things I REALLY don't want to do. Still- I don't think that would 'save' me longterm. It's more that I've lost what felt like my purpose in life and I don't know if I even care enough to get it back. It's all just reluctantly going through the motions now.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

No!

However CTB will still remain as an option I would consider it any time again.

 

[enough of this]

I just wish I hadn't racked up all these painful injuries, and incurable diseases...

Ditto

 

[busybee]

From experience I know that "when xy happens it will get better" is a lie. Shortterm maybe, longterm never.
Should I ever win the lottery I might reconcider but as for now nothing ever made it better in the long run.

 

[020x]

Probably yes. I registered on this site after my happy life was destroyed forever. But. If you gave me a gun, I would do it at any time. Because this world in general, is too cruel to live in.

 

[CTB Fella]

Probably yes. I registered on this site after my happy life was destroyed forever. But. If you gave me a gun, I would do it at any time. Because this world in general, is too cruel to live in.

I was thinking about gun shot to the head, a long time ago.

However, I've seen too many unsuccessful attempts, after which, the person's face was destroyed.

 

[Shaylla1998]

If all things were to change for the better, I'd still choose to CTB. In me, there is a nihilistic perspective that perceives existence as inherently meaningless.

 

[huftydumdum]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

i think that things are incapable of changing for me honestly, maybe this feeling won't last forever in all realism but i'm just tired of holding on for nothing

 

[thebookofdisquiet]

The problem isn't the circumstances surrounding me, it's the mechanics of existence and how mediocre and shallow this human experience is, like I'm starving but the food is...a plastic toy, or painted cardboard.
Or I want to submerge but life is a puddle.

So yeah, the solution is quitting the game.

 

[020x]

I was thinking about gun shot to the head, a long time ago.

However, I've seen too many unsuccessful attempts, after which, the person's face was destroyed.

I would shoot myself in the brain from inside of my mouth, while leaning backwards to a river. So even if it won't take me out, I will drown in the water making this a guaranteed succes. This is one of my ideal methods.

 

[Sad Avocado]

If certain things, which depress or worry you, were to change/improve, would you still want to take your life?

Well obviusly I have one main reason to ctb. If this situation would change I wouldn't do it. I'm thinking about it only because it brings me suffering and constant pain every day. If I wouldn't have that pain I wouldn't even be on this website :/