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VentingDo you feel like death is coming soon or is far away?
Thread starterFuneralCry
Start date
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If I manage to move out this summer I could see myself living for at least a few more years, if not these will likely be my final months on this planet.
Passive (natural) death could be quite a way away, although I still can't imagine making very old bones. CTB though? Also uncertain- waiting for my Dad to go first. Then- it will have to be up to me as to how much I want it.
I don't really see suicide as waiting to catch a bus though- it's more like ringing for a taxi. Sadly- it takes effort to leave this life. Just as it does to live it. In both circumstances it means taking practical action towards a goal. I don't think passively waiting for things to happen usually works- in either case. Obviously- that's easier for some people rather than others- depending on their financial and living situations. It's by no means 'easy' for anyone I would say though. We all take the risk of police checks/ being conned/ obtaining something that isn't exactly ideal to begin with. It's a risk.
I guess some people are waiting for the time to feel right though. That makes sense- it's a big decision. I think it's important to feel very comfortable with it. I feel like I am comfortable with it but I'm sure that could well change if I actually made an attempt.
Death always feels so imminent yet far away at the same time. I always imagine myself CTBing when I look around myself. It's like wanting everything to end, but understanding that you are too weak to go through with it. It makes me really mad when I think about the time until my demise.
I'll be waiting until my mothers health gets better in a year or two. Once she is good enough to take care of herself on her own/ start working again. I'd feel too much guilt CTB while she is still bedridden, I know it'll help the affect this'll have on her as well if I choose to wait til then.
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