Venting Do you feel like death is coming soon or is far away?

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'm fully aware of the fact that it's always preferable to cease existing, as to exist means to suffer, there's no relief from suffering in this horrible world where there's unlimited potential to be tormented by existence. Existing is just waiting around to die, we are only destined to decay so of course to exist is truly something so pointless, unappealing and dreadful, I see no value in feeling trapped here enduring this futile struggle just to die anyway.

I just don't see the appeal to existing in general and to be permanently free from all unnecessary problems and avoid all meaningless suffering will always be desirable to me. But sadly even know we are destined for nowhere but to die, everything being forgotten about still feels like a distance away as of course it's not straightforward to free ourselves and trying to do such a thing could end up making existing worse, so unfortunately I doubt I will be reaching the ideal state of non-existence anytime soon despite always finding comfort in the thought of death.

I really do envy those who are now peacefully not existing and of course I fear what lies ahead as existence truly is so hellish and harmful but at least no matter what death will come someday, we are only waiting to cease existing where everything will be lost to death, existing is just a process of slowly dying where I believe we are destined to return to the ideal state of non-existence which was tragically disturbed by us being forced here.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I personally feel that death is necessary to end my suffeering which is steadily increasing lately. I wish a natural death came overnight or a CTB chance was there. Unfortunately I feel that death for me is not coming soon and I will have to endure suffering for an extended amount of time for now.

 

[Kasumi]

I feel like it's coming closer step by step, day by day, and I'll only see once it's close if it's actually crossing my path or narrowly avoiding me

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I feel it is coming soon. I'm going to try drowning myself. I'm aware that this is a horrible way to die, but existence - due to a physical health problem - has become intolerable.

I feel your pain FuneralCry, exiting involves extreme suffering!

 

[Sweet Tart]

I dream of a natural death or terminal illness. I don't intend to minimize the pain or mindfuckery that accompany terminal illness; I appreciate that it comes with many unknowns, difficult conversations & decisions. But it would simplify some elements of how I will experience life before my death and how my death will be perceived by others.

I feel myself getting closer and closer to dying and I'm noticing more and more about what is involved in the decision to die. It feels sad and liberating at the same time.

 

[Crono]

I feel like I've already reduced 90% of the SI. I'm close to hanging myself. I feel calm and peaceful as I imagine my consciousness being erased.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

So soon I can tell and I can feel it

 

[TAW122]

I certainly do, at least for the majority of this year and while there are times where it seems far, due to the circumstances I'm surrounded with, I often remind myself that no matter whatever reprieve, albeit temporary will not last. Only perpetual and worse suffering awaits each passing day that I'm alive.

 

[exhaustedperfection]

It is very far away from me. There is far too much to be done. I have felt overwhelmed keeping up with everyone's expectations, and lately it has been especially difficult to keep everything under control. I'm exhausted... but I must continue. All this will be worth it. Once I'm done with my imposed goals, I can finally rest. There is nothing else that I want and I doubt that anyone I currently know is going to change this wish of mine so long as I am working towards my obligations, as they will never know about the way that I truly think nor understand it. Keeping distance is the best option. If I happen to find something else that I want along the way of continuing my life, then perhaps I would be willing to change my mind. As of now that is not the case.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm completely at peace with the thoughts of dying.
No more fear, no more doubts.
It's taken a long time to reach this stage.
I know that the time to end my existence will be sometime this year.
Thoughts of my imminent demise bring me immense comfort.

 

[funeralcat]

Welp, i went with someone who claims to be a psychic and asked for my death, and she told me 73 years old. I'm glad she didn't get offended and deleted my post since most psychics hate that question
But i'll kms though

 

[HopefulSleep]

In the next months I think

 

[Unending]

It feels far away but I get the feeling that the decision is not up to me if that makes sense.

If I make it through life without having ctb'd, it won't be because I'm so strong and steel-willed or anything like that. It will be because of so many other factors that played out just right. The same goes for the inverse scenario. It really has become apparent that it just isn't up to me what happens. I can nudge myself along and hop towards my goals but when a tornado comes along and blows me in one direction, I'm not going to be able to decide where I land.

I'd like to keep living (obviously under acceptable circumstances rather than completely intolerable ones) because I am aware that suicide is not a fun outcome. I will have to die alone, riddled in guilt and despair because apparently that's deemed acceptable by the majority who lack a clue of just how bad it can become.

I'm hoping for an acceptable quality of life and to have the option of a peaceful death when I get older but realistically, I just don't know if I'll still be alive in a decade or two. What is really concerning is not knowing if I'll be choosing between homelessness or death in that time span as well. I REFUSE to live through the worst of my mental illness without a bed or couch to sleep. It's just not happening. I've had to do it before when things weren't this bad so I can't imagine what it would be like now.

 

[silent star]

Everyday I feel it coming closer and closer

 

[downndone2]

I wish it'd happen asap

 

[Aisley]

It's years away for me, and I feel those years, like the ones I've already got behind me. But, as you say, it IS a guarantee, and that helps. There's a long dark night of nothing coming for us all, whether we ctb, or struggle to live forever, or are indifferent.

 

[jwordz]

i hope is coming soon.
and theres a chance that it will

 

[Daxter_87]

Well, one can never know for sure. Life is unpredictable. But, if nothing unexpected happens, I have quite a few years left. At least 15 or 20. That will be when my parents pass away (again, if nothing unexpected happens).

 

[TheNihilisticViking]

I'm just taking each and every day once at a time. CTB isn't an easy endeavour to take up because of the risks involved such as being saved or failing an attempt which results in a worse situation. Quite sad really.

 

[kaleidoscopedreams]

I wouldn't say I'm scared to cbt willingly, more so wanting no one to find me or know what happened. Fading away from everyone's lives just like I've done while being alive. I just don't want to have those around me judge & look down on me for my personal decision of wanting a peaceful & dignified death when I chose.

 

[MeltingBrain]

In my case I'm fully aware of the fact that it's always preferable to cease existing, as to exist means to suffer, there's no relief from suffering in this horrible world where there's unlimited potential to be tormented by existence. Existing is just waiting around to die, we are only destined to decay so of course to exist is truly something so pointless, unappealing and dreadful, I see no value in feeling trapped here enduring this futile struggle just to die anyway.

I just don't see the appeal to existing in general and to be permanently free from all unnecessary problems and avoid all meaningless suffering will always be desirable to me. But sadly even know we are destined for nowhere but to die, everything being forgotten about still feels like a distance away as of course it's not straightforward to free ourselves and trying to do such a thing could end up making existing worse, so unfortunately I doubt I will be reaching the ideal state of non-existence anytime soon despite always finding comfort in the thought of death.

I really do envy those who are now peacefully not existing and of course I fear what lies ahead as existence truly is so hellish and harmful but at least no matter what death will come someday, we are only waiting to cease existing where everything will be lost to death, existing is just a process of slowly dying where I believe we are destined to return to the ideal state of non-existence which was tragically disturbed by us being forced here.

In my case it's nearby , My health problems are converging quickly. I might have 1 year I feel .

 

[Why Me?]

This month definitely, or I'm big time screwed. My lack of functionality is making things harder, but I'm trying.

 

[Zegers]

I feel it closer, last summer i had no method, now i have SN and going to buy a hgun.

 

[Death is my goal]

I honestly don't know

 

[jazzcat]

it gets closer everyday, I get more and more convinced of the fact that things won't get better and I'll die this year. I'm writing my goodbye messages, I catch myself thinking things like... I'm not going to buy another winter coat because this will be my last winter, I wonder if I'll get to attend another concert, etc

 

[neurotic]

There's a constant aura of dread and self hatred around me that is pushing me closer every day. If it weren't for the responsibility I have for my family, it'd be soon. I can't stand it here.

 

[FrostedHoax]

I feel like I'm not going to make it out alive this summer and I'm probably fated to die in the next couple of months. I already have my way out and there's nothing I'm looking forward to after this summer (not really looking forward to anything this summer either except for getting to see my sister after I haven't seen her for a long time). There's just nothing left for me in this world that has done little to nothing to show that I'm wanted, appreciated, and cared for by anyone except my family. Although I am grateful for having a loving family, it hurts deeply that almost no one would even think about me or reach out to me if it weren't for them. It makes me feel like there's something so abhorrent about me and the way I present myself that the only way anyone could ever really care about me is to have a biological connection with me. To be honest, I feel like even my family gets a little sick of me and my laziness and lack of motivation at times.

 

[love_peep]

i thought about that and i think that death very close to me wii be soon i get sn and leave this fucking place i'am so tired to live here its very hard for me to feel the pain everyday

 

[deleted442]

Very near by.

 

[Vizzy]

Coming soon!