Discussion do you ever wonder if people in your life killed themselves when you haven't talked to them in a while?

[eggsausagerice]

sometimes i go weeks or months without talking to someone and i think about the possibility that they could've made a suicide attempt and succeeded. i know a girl in my life that i wonder if she died sometimes, but i see her activity on discord even though i'm never in the mood to talk to her (she'll never see this, so it's fine). i never have my status on so people don't get reminded that i'm alive unless i message them, lol. one time an ex-friend messaged me because they saw my activity on discord, which made me never want to go online on discord again. i think i'm the one that people wonder if they killed themselves. i have to send out my suicide notes for this exact reason, since i don't want people to assume i'm still alive. it'll just be mortifying if i survive my attempt, but i really doubt it.

the thought kind of makes me feel jealous that i'm not the one that's dead, or that all my friends seem to be against suicide, so i'd never be able to relate to them or talk about my suicidal ideation without worrying them. having no one in my life besides two/one/zero people depending on the situation makes me realize how incredibly alone i am in being suicidal. there's no way to make someone relate to me, because even if they "were" suicidal or are passively suicidal in a way that implies they want to live, they're just going to tell me to not kill myself because of this or that. and nothing i say will ever get through to them, because they're going to assume that i want them to convince me to not be suicidal, when i want them to be suicidal too.

i know i can't expect anyone to feel the same way as me and that it's not socially acceptable to talk about suicide in any way. i just wish that i could talk about it somewhere besides sasu. sasu is the only place i can talk about it and say that i'm actively planning on doing it. i keep accidentally typing my login info instead of my laptop password when i log onto my laptop because i barely use it anymore. i'm tired of going on here so much, but it feels like i have nowhere else i can go.

 

[Bikishii]

sometimes i go weeks or months without talking to someone and i think about the possibility that they could've made a suicide attempt and succeeded. i know a girl in my life that i wonder if she died sometimes, but i see her activity on discord even though i'm never in the mood to talk to her. i never have my status on so people don't get reminded that i'm alive unless i message them, lol.

the thought kind of makes me feel jealous that i'm not the one that's dead, or that all my friends seem to be against suicide, so i'd never be able to relate to them or talk about my suicidal ideation without worrying them. having no one in my life besides two/one/zero people depending on the situation makes me realize how incredibly alone i am in being suicidal. there's no way to make someone relate to me, because even if they "were" suicidal or are passively suicidal in a way that implies they want to live, they're just going to tell me to not kill myself because of this or that. and nothing i say will ever get through to them, because they're going to assume that i want them to convince me to not be suicidal, when i want them to be suicidal too.

i know i can't expect anyone to feel the same way as me and that it's not socially acceptable to talk about suicide in any way. i just wish that i could talk about it somewhere besides sasu. sasu is the only place i can talk about it and say that i'm actively planning on doing it. i keep accidentally typing my login info instead of my laptop password when i log onto my laptop because i barely use it anymore.

Absolutely. I have (had?) some internet friends that I made in like 2010, haven't talked to them in maybe like 10 years but just knowing how they were as people, I'm sure at least one of them has killed themselves. We were all depressed teenagers, some of us got better and some didn't. Maybe some had magical turnarounds and got better, others may have been dead for years now, and I'm none the wiser.

I don't think about it particularly often, but the majority of my friends are those I've met online and so even the ones I don't talk to anymore, the old timers, I think about them sometimes and hope they're doing okay. That things got better for them.

 

[cbtvvxxvvv]

one time an ex-friend messaged me because they saw my activity on discord, which made me never want to go online on discord again.

god this is so real

 

[InTheAbyss]

Yeah, I've been wondering that different times in my life with different people that just don't come back online again. Sometimes it bothers me quite a bit that I likely will never know what happened to them.

 

[Spite]

Interesting question.

I can only think of one person - somebody I knew in high school who I was sort of acquainted with, but I didn't really consider him a close friend. He was autistic like me, but very... quirky. He had a tendancy to randomly shout things like obscure Internet references and in-jokes no normal person would ever be aware of. Something concerning about him was that he had a morbid fascination with gore and death. I also know he was bullied and had a hard time in school, much like myself.

When I finished high school we never kept in contact, so the last time I saw him was over ten years ago. I genuinely have no idea where he is today or if he's even alive. I've searched his name before. He has no social media presence whatsoever. He seems to be the type who could be vulnerable; prone to suicide. He could be dead? Who's to say. I'm sure he's still alive, but probably just keeps an extremely low profile like me.

Heh, I wonder if people who knew me years ago have thought that I'm dead by now.

 

[Asya]

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[yourlocalprotist]

I had some online friends who knew/could reasonably assume that I had mental health issues. I have some IRLs, most of which I met in a psychiatric ward, one of whom is no longer alive.

 

[Dark Moon]

I had one or two friends in primary school but I had to change schools so I lost contact with them. I wonder where they are now.

 

[dreaming]

I have it with other SaSu members I've talked to, but outside of that not often, I think most people who were once in my life are doing just fine without me.
There is one person who distanced themself and disappeared the same way I do when I get suicidal, so I suspected they did since we talked about it before, and the thought never left my head for months until I decided to go looking for them myself, eventually I find out they were still alive but never tried talking to them again.
I don't want to come back into their life only to disappear the same way.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not in real life but on here- yes. (For obvious reasons.)