Discussion Do you ever wish you had a terminal illness?

[yui.]

I'm sorry if this question comes off as offensive to anyone who is currently struggling to fight a terminal illness.

I've always dreamed of being diagnosed with a terminal illness. First of all, it would be the perfect way for me to ctb. It's a method that society would wholeheartedly accept. People would even deem me a hero for trying my best to fight against an indomitable disease. It would also be the perfect excuse for me to do absolutely nothing at all. One of the main reasons I want to ctb is exactly that. I see life as meaningless and an endless cycle of misery and suffering. There's no point in doing anything at all, and I don't have any desire to do anything with my life. I would love to just sit in bed all day. Not even video games or books or music or any sort of entertainment would be needed. Just a bed and perhaps a window to look at the sky.

Though with many illnesses, the pain that comes with a health condition is almost always unbearable. Modern pain medication has come a long ways, but sometimes pain just doesn't go away.

I would love to be isolated from the world around me and eventually find peace in the end of my life.

 

[ex_nihilo91]

Not really into dying a prolonged extremely miserable death, but I guess if it happened I would have some sort of relief because I know I would finally be dying in a certain timeframe. I just wish something would come along like an aneurysm or something and kill me instantly with zero warning

 

[dragonofenvy]

I've half-hoped for something like that. I know it's miserable, but I guess it'd be my final push to ctb. Maybe in my fantasy world I get an illness and it's nothing more than a bad cough and then I die in my sleep. If only.

 

[whywere]

NO..NO..NO...!!!!!!

I have been in hospital rooms where a poor soul was gasping for air, on every pain killer imaginable with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, or with stage 4 brain cancer, and the images will always be seared into my brain, seeing the agony of the person AND their family sitting or standing in the room waiting for the end.

NO THANK YOU!

Like in March 2014 when I was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer. My first thought was getting it out of me and then what type of hell was I going to have to go through.

Sometimes, whatever seems ok or whatever, UNTIL one is in the trenches and dealing with it, then the shine of it is long gone.

Walter

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Not really into dying a prolonged extremely miserable death, but I guess if it happened I would have some sort of relief because I know I would finally be dying in a certain timeframe. I just wish something would come along like an aneurysm or something and kill me instantly with zero warning

An aneurysm would be ideal for me as well. If only it would instantly kill me so I can be done with this life finally.

 

[Live_Life55]

NO..NO..NO...!!!!!!

I have been in hospital rooms where a poor soul was gasping for air, on every pain killer imaginable with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, or with stage 4 brain cancer, and the images will always be seared into my brain, seeing the agony of the person AND their family sitting or standing in the room waiting for the end.

NO THANK YOU!

Like in March 2014 when I was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer. My first thought was getting it out of me and then what type of hell was I going to have to go through.

Sometimes, whatever seems ok or whatever, UNTIL one is in the trenches and dealing with it, then the shine of it is long gone.

Walter

If you had a terminal illness you could easily apply for assisted dying so you're most likely not going to suffer.

 

[pleaseletmeleave]

Yes. Every day I wish for that or a fatal accident or any other cause of death that wouldn't be self inflicted. Would be a way out without all the guilt of hurting my loved ones. Those deaths are always easier to accept than suicide unfortunately. But it seems it's only the happy ones who want to live that have to suffer with those deaths and not the ones wanting to die. Life's so cruel that way. I would trade places with someone with a terminal illness in an instant if there was a choice to

 

[yui.]

Yes. Every day I wish for that or a fatal accident or any other cause of death that wouldn't be self inflicted. Would be a way out without all the guilt of hurting my loved ones. Those deaths are always easier to accept than suicide unfortunately. But it seems it's only the happy ones who want to live that have to suffer with those deaths and not the ones wanting to die. Life's so cruel that way. I would trade places with someone with a terminal illness in an instant if there was a choice to

I watch a lot of documentaries revolving around hospitals and the different medical procedures that happen on a day-to-day basis. The most frequent thought I have whenever I see these patients going in and out of surgery is "I wish that were me." I see how much they want to live and how much they want to get better and think "I have exactly what they want, and they have exactly what I want." I've always felt guilty about thinking like this though.

 

[pleaseletmeleave]

I watch a lot of documentaries revolving around hospitals and the different medical procedures that happen on a day-to-day basis. The most frequent thought I have whenever I see these patients going in and out of surgery is "I wish that were me." I see how much they want to live and how much they want to get better and think "I have exactly what they want, and they have exactly what I want." I've always felt guilty about thinking like this though.

Im sorry you feel that way I have the exact same thoughts and wouldn't wish how I feel on anyone so I'm so sorry you feel it too. I've always felt guilty for thinking like that too. Like it's bad and I'm ashamed… but I get envious when I hear someone's passed. Obviously my heart breaks for them and their families but I just wish it could have been me and not them. It just frustrates me so much because why do innocent children and people in general who want to live and deserve to live have to get cancer and die a cruel death but here I am wanting to die so badly but yet I'm the one who gets to live? Makes no sense

 

[meowpuppy]

i just generally wish i suffered from physical illness, because my mental illness is so extreme it's almost comical at this point

 

[webb&flow]

If you had a terminal illness you could easily apply for assisted dying so you're most likely not going to suffer.

there is no guarantee you would receive such assistance. it would leave you at the behest of having to fill out forms and waiting for the provider's response.

it's easy to read this harrowing account of what death by terminal illness is actually like, writ by someone who has really seen it with their naked eyes, and then be able to hypothesize it away by saying "well… uh… you can just apply for MAID anyway—so, that wouldn't be an issue".

but that is the reality of a terminal illness. more loss of agency. more pain. it is not good. it is not reassuring. it does not match the fantasy some here have.

there are real advantages of not having a terminal illness. I think viewing terminal illness as desirable easily blinds us to these advantages. Even a little less pain, even a little more freedom of how we live life, these may not seem like good things when life sucks, but at least there are some things we can do that we like more than other things. Things that we couldn't do anymore if we were confined to a terminal illness bed.

but anyways—just wanted to show you another perspective on this. i hope you find it interesting even if it's different from what you think

 

[rorosbones]

i used to. since actually killing myself sounds terrifying, i thought it would be easier if something else took me out. i stopped fantasizing about that once my mom was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago (she's doing great now and in full remission!) but watching her struggle and feeling helpless to do anything kinda changed my view. if i was terminally ill, i'm sure my loved ones would be suffering just as much as i would, and i don't want to put them through that.

 

[peacebenow]

I know not your intention but this is ignorant and offensive. You have no idea what it is truly like to exist this way. It is not at all what you think.

 

[yui.]

i just generally wish i suffered from physical illness, because my mental illness is so extreme it's almost comical at this point

Exactly, people hate dealing with the things they can't see. If I were physically ill, everyone would accept that my situation is not something I can help rather than just pretend everything is ok.

The physical pain would even distract me from all of my mental anguish. I'm already suffering this much so what difference does it make if I become even more miserable? I would love to suffer a physical illness in place of someone who actually wants to stay on this Earth.

 

[limenlux]

I just saw the doctor about a new medical issue I'm experiencing for which I was told stomach cancer is a potential cause (among a few other things). I'm not wishing terminal illness upon myself, but being told that I was dying and receiving a time frame would at least bring me a sense of finality in relation to my general misery.

I would also personally consider passing from an illness more dignified than having to hang myself in a closet.