Discussion Do you ever think about how a small decision affected your whole life?

[Janine]

As the title says, have you ever thought about how something very small, such as not doing xyz that day could've changed you? Do you think you'd still be right here if you sat next to someone else back in your school days? What kind of person would you have been if you had been someplace a minute later or earlier, avoiding a situation you've faced?

 

[bloberta]

yea.. i try to cope by thinking that i would have messed something else up and be in the same situation i'm in now

 

[Gaga786]

Yes, definitely. Such thoughts don't stop. What if I didn't confide into ,someone I thought was a friend to me, others– and that led to the rumours. I wouldn't have lost a friend, and maybe if I had a friend,i might not be feeling like this. You see, it's the butterfly effect. Everything affects everything

 

[FuneralCry]

No, in my case wanting suicide is just the logical response to existing here in this world. I could never be delusional enough to want to exist in this world filled with endless harm and risks. I simply despise life and see death as being the only relief, I've never wanted to exist here and could never do no matter what.

 

[CTB Dream]

Ya vry know how ,if nly ltl diff no injury damage. But still want ctb no mtr wat t

 

[incorporationated]

I don't think any small thing I did has affected my life, but rather external forces out of my control which made my life hell. It's the small things my family does— calling me dumb constantly, blaming me for everything, etc. which affects my whole life. What I'm doing right now is trying to make the small things I do and the big things I do help me keep going despite this, and also to steer my life in the right direction.

It's paying off, as I'm moving out in a few months to live with my best friend.
Best not to overthink too much about these kinds of things though and focus on the present. Don't get stuck in the past, learn from it and apply the things you've learned so it hopefully helps even a bit. Past is past, what you did then doesn't matter too much, what you do now does.

 

[Ki_Nam]

Small decisions build up. I have 20 years of pent up anger and I'm filled with hate. But recently came to realization that there was no one to blame but myself. So I redirect all that energy to myself. The aftermath of that is, I see a mirror image of myself every now and then, and hear my own voice in my head reminding me of what I am. Now I stand before the reflection of myself, with so much anger and hate like before, except now I don't want anyone else hurt.

It's not really a identity crisis per se, but rather a form of myself that I've created over the years. People tell me that I can get better starting now, but how do you do that when the very foundation is corrupt and rotten?

 

[thankyou]

Yes everyday. Ive lost all hope in my ability to make good decisions that I simply don't do anything in life anymore. Also contributes to why I want to die. Decisions I've made have caused me so much pain. I forgive myself for not knowing better in the moment, but I also don't have any faith that I know better for myself in the present. The cycle just continues.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Actually, I'm quite forgiving with myself when it comes to possibly bad decision making. The decisions I made/make made sense at the time. Maybe they weren't always the best decisions with retrospect but, sadly- we don't have the ability to know the future. We just have to work with what we are given. I think I mostly did the best I could at the time.

I suppose I do wonder just HOW much thought our parents put into whether they should have children to begin with. That kind of annoys me- that feels like an absolutely monumental decision that has the potential to bring about a lifetime of struggle and suffering for another person. Yet, people just seem to do it as a matter of course. I guess their thinking is very different to ours though.

 

[Tartuffe]

Yes

 

[wish_to_live_again]

A bad decision to take a psych drug for insomnia literally led to the destruction of my happy life. And why I am even on this forum.

 

[orca87]

It's the sum of small decisions that lead me to where I am at now. All of them taken without intent, because I lacked the energy to live my life intentionally. Went surprisingly well for a while, then everything collapsed

 

[inviernos]

As the title says, have you ever thought about how something very small, such as not doing xyz that day could've changed you? Do you think you'd still be right here if you sat next to someone else back in your school days? What kind of person would you have been if you had been someplace a minute later or earlier, avoiding a situation you've faced?

all the time, i've seriously hurt others throughout my lifetime just from being self serving or attention seeking in middle school. i tried so hard to be accepted that i was a dickhead in the end and forever will be in my classmates eyes.

 

[Polarbears42]

12 years ago, my high school office gave me the wrong combination to my locker. I spent a bit of time fiddling with it, and ended up kicking it mock frustration. A girl approached me, and offered to give it a try. It still didn't work, but that is how I met my first, and so far only love. Only she ended up leading me on, and using me as a rebound. At one point we were going to move to Alaska together. I ended up up here, but she didn't. They say time heals all wounds, but, I've never felt that way about anyone before or since, and it has been quite difficult to have a relationship with anyone afterward. I wish I could love like I used to, but, it never feels right. Anyway though, if I hadn't gotten the wrong locker combination that day, I certainly wouldn't be were I am now.