Discussion Do you ever feel like you're too deep into it to stop?

[offtoseethewizard]

Sometimes I get so black that it's like my mind is on autopilot and I'm not in control anymore. Like the pain is just so bad that I begin to be absolutely certain that I will do it, and I will attempt partial hanging and stop myself, annoyed that I can't go through with it. And then a couple days later I feel slightly better and think that maybe I'll hold on a bit longer and maybe there's hope. But this cycle is getting so, so old.

 

[dragonofenvy]

My problem is that I don't know any alternative because this is all I've known for all I can remember. I don't know if I'm on the deep or shallow end. I don't know if I can go forward or if I'm even moving at all. For me, this is the natural state, and all I can do is keep trudging along.

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

I've been in the dark for so long that I would have no idea what to do if there was suddenly light. Even if I got everything I wanted, I'd be continually questioning how long it'll last before it comes crashing down, as is often the case with me.

I've been suicidal since I was 12. Drastic changes would need to be made to my life and the world in order for it to stop, I think.

 

[dwtsleepy123]

i feel like im at this point in my life that i dont see how things could improve, and even if it did, theres always this foreboding sense of doom that everything will just go to shit again. I really cant imagine living in constant vigilance or fear, and I dont want to.