
Wkoncuodejde
I Don't want to be “me” anymore
- Jan 1, 2022
- 78
For giving you life. I have terribly mixed feelings about this. I dont know if its their fault. But I wouldnt have to suffer if two people did not want children.
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I guess back in my parents' time, things were still hopeful. It wasn't so long ago. I do resent them a little for bringing me into the world, but at the same time, they loved each other very much. my siblings are fine, I am the only one who is struggling. so maybe they weren't wrong to procreate. maybe I am just a defect.
I am a parent. When my son was born I had never heard of BPD, I wasn't depressed and I had never had an anxiety attack in my life. What I did have was a childhood, in which my ' dad' abused me until I was 11. My stepfather showed me a parent can love their child, unconditionally. When I got pregnant at 17, I decided to keep my child, and give him all the love I had received from him and my mother. I got sick at 22, at 24 I was diagnosed with the things mentioned above.Of course the parents are the ones who are to blame as they selfishly and unnecessarily chose to procreate in this hellish world where existing is something so harmful as it involves so many risks. To procreate is an absolutely tragic and unacceptable thing, it's cruel to burden people with this existence especially as there is no straightforward way to exit.
I hate the fact that I was forced here so much as I view life itself as being the true problem. Existence is the true cause of all torment as if there was no life there would be no suffering. It's a curse how life evolved and how we have the ability to exist.