Same. Being self-aware that you are an narcissist sucks. Every word I say I wonder whether I'm being manipulative and self-serving again. I ask myself a lot, "am I being considerate and empathetic?", and the question itself is self-serving. Cognitively, I'm empathetic, sorry, etc. Emotionally, I'm just empty. I wish I could stop being so self-absorbed and getting into debates about myself within myself.
Well, yeah, the low self-esteem and dream of perfection ruined my life. Death solves everything, though.