My mother attempted to murder me when I was 5. She first denied doing it altogether and the event occurring, then gaslighted me and said it went differently than I remember, then denied it again, She now vehemently denies it ever happened.
She almost killed me again at 10 years old. She terrified me into a corner and held a metal object to my face screaming like she was having a psychotic episode and saying she was going to f**cking kill me. A relative saved my life and got inbetween her.
First she denied it ever happening, then she admitted to that relative (while she thought I was out of earshot) that she might have done it, then she denied it again. Then she finally admitted it, but said it was all my fault. She said I was impossible to deal with.
She also says I was an angel and a very quiet child that "she raised right to have respect". That I was always very smart and mature and well behaved. To other people and me when it benefitted her in some way.
Her narrative about me changes however it suits her at the time. I have never once in my entire life seen her express genuine empathy or sympathy for the suffering I've told her she's brought upon me. She's laughed in my face, screamed at me, threatened to hurt me, hurt me, threatened to have my father murder me, called the police on me, you name it.
The best apology she can give is "I'm sorry you feel that I did this".
She told me she was evaluated and came back 'perfectly healthy and fine' when I begged her to go to family therapy w/ me. She said she didn't care if I never spoke to her again.
The next month when she needed the support she told me she was depressed and suicidal and had been dealing with a therapist for years.
I've seen her go from full-on bawling in tears to pokerface right after she hangs up the phone. She fakes her voice all the time to sound proper or sad or angry depending on who she wants to manipulate. She uses her illness as a way to garner sympathy.
She used to "constantly fall ill" from it when that relative I mentioned was around and I mean literally almost every single time they visited. For years and years and years. Just whoopsie, suddenly I'm very very bad again. And as soon as they leave back to normal again. Since they've died she hasn't "fallen ill" once. Physical illness by the way, not mental.
I used to rely on that relative for safety because I was terrified of my mother when I was a child. She manipulated them into believing it was all my fault with waterworks and bullshit inconsistent stories she knew said relative was getting too old to keep track of.
She is pure evil. She left me to rot in a dark room for years without a care in the world and takes no responsibility as a parent at all. She did nothing to raise me in my entire life and didn't teach me any lessons about anything. All I remember is her screaming, violent face.
Her response is an eyeroll. Her last response was screaming at me like an irate teenager, threatening suicide and dramatically putting a knife to her wrist before slamming a door in my face. When I held the phone ready to call the police (the irony), she went right back to mellow as a calm lake and asked me who I was calling in a robotic voice. I explained to her what she'd just done and how concerned I am for her after she did that, that it frightened me. In disbelief I explained aloud that she'd just visually threatened to kill herself and I had to do something. She didn't seem to understand the problem. She told me to stop calling people and went back to normal.
Every behaviour she has or horrible thing she does to me she turns around and says I do. I mean verbatim. She will list out all of the things she does to me and say I do them to her, sometimes moments after she does them. There have been times where in the middle of serious multiple-hour-long talks (countless over the years, possibly over 1k because she runs in circles and it is always my fault, no matter what) in a desperate effort to change things I've asked a simple question, such as "Can you explain to me why you reacted that way? I just want to understand what I did to deserve it" and stood in silence for 30 minutes, and she's said nothing at all because I gave her nothing to manipulate me with.
Then she'd eventually notice I'm standing there and say "I didn't realize you were still there, I'd assumed we'd finished talking."
Because she'd finished talking.
I am convinced she is a narc psycho, or sociopath. And I've been trapped with her in isolation for years. I now don't talk to her and the house is silent, I can't remember the last time I used my voice to have a conversation w someone that wasn't her.
This is the first time in years I've told anyone about this.