Got everything I need after a good fucking month:
Sodium nitrite curing salt, 200mg
3 paracetamol tablets, 500mg
15 metoclopramide tablets, 10mg
Local antacid brand, bunch of tablets
Surprisingly cheap, about 15 USD including prescription.
The first hard part was getting out of bed. The first few days I decided I was going to do this, I just stared at my phone all day and did nothing.
The second hard part was earning the money, since I don't work. It would arouse suspicion if I used family money. I had to painfully fake my way through 2 essay commissions from a local student forum. After which, I needed a prescription for diarrhea and hyperacidity. There's a lot of telemedicine prescribers out there who don't really care, and also a lot of e-commerce websites who won't really question your purchases.
The rest of the stuff's now hidden around my room, ready to be used when it's time. I have no reason to suspect that any of my family would know it's purpose. I just told them it was for friends.
Quite funny that the whole journey made me almost want to live, as if there was some minute sense of purpose. But it doesn't matter since the purpose is death anyway.
I don't have anything to say anymore. I don't feel like writing anything about killing myself anymore. Just going to do it.
But I'll give myself a month or two. Just sleeping awake in silence and faking my way through things. Not really telling anybody how it is. It doesn't matter anymore, but who knows? Would very much not change anything, but I also do not care linearity.
Quite surprising that I'd get here after 4 months of joining this forum. I learned a lot, even if it doesn't matter what I learned since I'll end up killing myself later.
Maybe I'll browse for a bit, then I'll finally leave for good.
Merry Christmas.
Sodium nitrite curing salt, 200mg
3 paracetamol tablets, 500mg
15 metoclopramide tablets, 10mg
Local antacid brand, bunch of tablets
Surprisingly cheap, about 15 USD including prescription.
The first hard part was getting out of bed. The first few days I decided I was going to do this, I just stared at my phone all day and did nothing.
The second hard part was earning the money, since I don't work. It would arouse suspicion if I used family money. I had to painfully fake my way through 2 essay commissions from a local student forum. After which, I needed a prescription for diarrhea and hyperacidity. There's a lot of telemedicine prescribers out there who don't really care, and also a lot of e-commerce websites who won't really question your purchases.
The rest of the stuff's now hidden around my room, ready to be used when it's time. I have no reason to suspect that any of my family would know it's purpose. I just told them it was for friends.
Quite funny that the whole journey made me almost want to live, as if there was some minute sense of purpose. But it doesn't matter since the purpose is death anyway.
I don't have anything to say anymore. I don't feel like writing anything about killing myself anymore. Just going to do it.
But I'll give myself a month or two. Just sleeping awake in silence and faking my way through things. Not really telling anybody how it is. It doesn't matter anymore, but who knows? Would very much not change anything, but I also do not care linearity.
Quite surprising that I'd get here after 4 months of joining this forum. I learned a lot, even if it doesn't matter what I learned since I'll end up killing myself later.
Maybe I'll browse for a bit, then I'll finally leave for good.
Merry Christmas.
