Deep down, honestly ... do you really want to die? Or do you want things/life to change?

[mentalhealthfighter]

if my sleep goes back to normal and I can read again (i love reading) then yes, I want to live

 

[odradek]

I do want to die, I think I have for a very long time. The things that would need to change would be monumental shifts in society and culture that are laughable, naive and, most importantly, impossible when I think about it rationally. Easier to die then to continue fruitlessly pushing a boulder up a mountain.

 

[Beau]

If I could regain my health, I would love to live. I am lucky in that I had a good life before getting sick, and I remember what it is like. If I could wake up tomorrow a healthy person, I think I could erase the trauma of the last few years in an instant.

 

[deflationary]

At this point, yeah, just give me death. Life is disgusting and doesn't offer any guarantees even if it should improve for a while. Death is trusty.

 

[Umeboahi]

I want life to change

 

[sasshimi]

I truly wish life does get better. I am grateful of all the wonderful people I have met and loved but my depression often makes it hard to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[apathetic.]

I tried my hardest to improve my life. I tried to stay strong for the past 20 years. No matter what shyt life threw at me I fought hard. Now with depression and other setbacks, I don't think I can fight Anymore. It's not worth it. A human can only take so much. You cannot erase the trauma. We all die in the end anyways. It's not like those who are avoiding death are gonna unlock some achievement in the end. Everyone dies. Life is worthless

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

I want to live. Sometimes I really feel like a fraud on this forum, or that I'm in a space I don't belong... but I've turned the concept of suicide into a safety net of sorts. For me, it's a genuine comfort to know that if I really can't take it, if things absolutely go to shit beyond any hope of redemption, I can go out on my own terms. I really do hope that I can eventually have a happy and fulfilling life, even if it's unconventional... and even if I'm about 10 years later than everyone else in life. I used to think that not having a child would mean my life would be pointless and meaningless. Now - I'm starting to see things differently, thanks to time and therapy. I used to feel like a freak because I preferred to be single, now I'm starting ot accept that I may like being single more than having a companion, and even if it's unusual, it doesn't mean my unconventional life should be worth less than someone who is a mother and has a husband/partner.

Society sucks ass. It really fucking does a number on what you think you want and what you think you need. It's so sinister it's hard to seperate your authentic want from what you've been conditioned to want. That's what I've discovered, anyway.

 

[ikadasui]

I'd essentially need a fresh start. New family, new body, new brain literally an entire new kit. So, since that's impossible, death is the next best thing available to me. I have wanted to die since I was 16 and 10 years later I can safetly say it's only drastically gotten worse and shows no signs of stopping anytime soon

 

[WOODESITY]

I have thought about what if things change or some of them get better but still I don't wanna live, i seek death and either it gets me before i do it myself or i find enough courage and resources to do it myself which i hope will happen soon

 

[LivvenDe]

I am just tired of being Sisyphus.... Don't see a point in life, so I don't want to make an effort anymore

 

[clown_17]

If I could get change I'd prefer that. But at the same time I don't see myself as a "life" person. Me and living done really comply. I think life would always be a struggle. I think I'd just prefer to sleep all the time without being dead. Sometimes impermanent.

 

[LivvenDe]

if my sleep goes back to normal and I can read again (i love reading) then yes, I want to live

Have u tried audiobooks? I love reading books as well, specially in languages I am trying to learn, so recently, to get more fluent in German, I started to listen to audiobooks and was surprised of how much I enjoyed it...

 

[plough22]

If I'm honest, I had a good life, not a great life but a good one. I had good jobs, good friend, good interaction and my daughter. Then my world imploded due to another who I thought knew me loved me, I'd love to go back to 2015, you can't change history. You must accept and move on but what if you cannot accept your present, what do you do when your life implodes for something you had no control over. I'd like to have my old life back, I'd love it but it doesn't look like ever.
The hurt it has caused, the pain is what drives me to think that I will CBT, it's the push I need. I have the equitment and the place of my choosing.
Someone else drove me to this and I don't see anyway back.watch who you meet and trust. Venom.
What was the question again, yes right now CTB but I need that push, I don't need either to fail, failure would be torture

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

Have u tried audiobooks? I love reading books as well, specially in languages I am trying to learn, so recently, to get more fluent in German, I started to listen to audiobooks and was surprised of how much I enjoyed it...

I don't like audiobooks. I want to read at my own pace. I had a good night of sleep today so hopefully its returning back to normal.

 

[MiseryWithoutCompany]

... would like for things to "get better". Honestly, judging from how own personal life tanked because if mismanagement of emotions, ON TOP OF the natural progression of large scale events, it feels like there's be no real point in getting better. From this POV, it just seems like if life isn't shitting you, then fate is. The natural occurance of events. God forbid things had gotten better for anyone in 2019, only for shit to catch fire in 2020 and onwards.

Am making an effort towards self improvent on the daily, but when my fits occur, if genuinely feels like death is the best way to prevent further episodes. Why constantly put up with the fight?

But failure at catching the bus eventually just... mellowed things out being passive about preserving own life. Death comes when it comes, and damn, sure am excited for it. Hope consciousness recycles through various animals. If not, darkness it is.

 

[fred1]

No I don't but I do want my son to come back but obviously that isn't going to happen!

 

[callme]

In my case, the latter prevents the former, so can I answer I want both? It doesn't make sense to both be want to get better and die, but I can't explain.

 

[bea1974]

The ways life would have to change for me to want to be alive are impossible, unrealistic.

So yeah, I really just want to die now please.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Yes I truly want to die. I hate depression, social anxiety, anxiety, and being unattractive. As well as bully trauma and sex trauma.

 

[WeslieZX]

If I had the discipline and motivation to change myself and my life to where I want to be I think I could prolong my life immensely. But putting in the required work just makes me more stressed and suicidal, and I inevitably end up back where I started.

 

[Emu]

Im fed up of life and I just want to die now,
If only people could see what is experienced and they might understand why…!

 

[Beeper]

I really wish things were different.

I was born with a genetic predisposition to mental health problems. Because of this my life has been atypical; periods of normalcy intermixed with manic and depressive episodes.

As time has gone on my mental health has tended to get worse. Episodes have become more frequent and severe.

Things would be alright if I didn't have to work and there were no stressful situations to deal with.

If I could find a means to earn a living that is not too stressful, then maybe I could find some stability and carry on with life.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I don't care about things 'getting better', I just want peace, which can only be achieved through death.

 

[willitpass]

i want to die. things have gotten better before but they never stay that way. and anyway, we all die someday anyway. it's all futile

 

[Blue_mist]

We all know there is no cure for mental illness. Yes people do get better sometimes, but they will never be cured and a relapse is always on the horizon. Definitely i want to die! I'm just sick of my brain, the physical and psychological pain associated with mental illness is torture, and no one has the eloquence to describe this pain.

 

[finalexit]

I want way too many things to change that are out of my control so I want to die

 

[Hateyouprolife]

Only wanna die even if I knew life would get better. Life is nothing more than extremly difficult set of extremly difficult chemical reactions trying to sustain the cycle. No point to continue this shit.

 

[Dyingheartless]

I really want to die, there's nothing in this life worth living for

 

[mlha]

Life is a constant responsibility, a stream of needs to be satisfied. I actually could afford to be oblivious to this for a long time so now it hits me like a ton of bricks. Life is also pointless and when many of your pointless hobbies stop working as entertainment, it's tough to go through every day life. Death on the other hand seems like a solution.