Deep down, honestly ... do you really want to die? Or do you want things/life to change?

[loopylou]

Yes.

 

[Marine]

I so wish I could really live...

 

[SweetDreams500]

I want things to change, but it is impossible for that to happen.

 

[EraseRewind]

I've never been very happy at living so I really think I want to die, even erased from the record.

 

[iDieUDie80]

There are some conditions that if they were reality, I would not end my life, but at this point I believe my life is simply impossible.

 

[Celerity]

No, not right now. I wish things would get better. There is a time where I couldn't imagine that anymore. I wish I could return to that mindset. It would make going through with this so much easier.

 

[Pen>Sword]

At first, I thought I want to die. Then thinking about it, I want to live. I just want my past mistakes to be forgotten and never show up. These past mistakes are procrastination, wrong college programs, angry outbursts, wrong decisions, and many more. If I can turn back the time and change everything, yes, I will not CTB or even dare to think about it. But everything is too late now. This is nothing but wishful thinking.

I will CTB someday because of past mistakes that will bite me back in a form of crappy job, tons of debt, destroyed relationship due to my crappy demeanor, and additional future mistakes. I just want to have a good, normal future.

I know that I can change those, but it's too late. This downward trajectory will hit rock bottom. I can't live like this anymore.

 

[Dutchyala]

I just want to die.
There is no change that can bring me happiness and self-motivation to live.

 

[Joey]

It's more of 50/50. A part of me really wants to die but the other half really doesn't. It's like a conflict inside my mind.

 

[lofticries]

Generally want to die. I'm done with this crazy ride called life. I want off.

 

[Aeathelina]

I would love life to change but the mistakes I've made will never be undone and it's too far gone. I would like to live but I wouldn't hesitate to take a pill to end it all peacefully

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Hundred percent I'd rather life just change the way I see fit.

But that would probably make plenty of normal people want to die.

 

[onthelastday]

I think that nothing could change enough, I want to die and I will do that

Hundred percent I'd rather life just change the way I see fit.

But that would probably make plenty of normal people want to die.

sorry, but would having a life you like would make someone else want to die?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

sorry, but would having a life you like would make someone else want to die?

Yes. One of the few things that makes me happy these days is the suffering of others, especially when they don't deserve it.

 

[onthelastday]

Yes. One of the few things that makes me happy these days is the suffering of others, especially when they don't deserve it.

Wow

 

[SweetDreams500]

Yes. One of the few things that makes me happy these days is the suffering of others, especially when they don't deserve it.

yikes

 

[f merrick]

I want to live life so badly. But I have chronic, recurrent depression and on top of that I got the nastiest case of post-COVID psychosis and depression you can imagine. Going through that experience has been a living hell for 4 months with no end. I want so badly for the symptoms to just go away but they keep getting worse. I've been in the ER twice and to a million doctors and no one knows wtf is going on, they just think I have psychotic depression. This is despite the fact that they're finding more and more that Covid causes massive and irreparable damage to your brain. Doctors just aren't up to speed on it / knowing how to treat it. My family doesn't understand and thinks I'm just being dramatic. It's all so tragic... but that's life.

Deep down I am heartbroken it has come to this. Despite my recurrent depression and lots of personal turmoil I actually loved life and wanted it to continue. I just don't want to stick around and watch my life degrade further into misery and indignity as my illness gets worse. It's psychological torment and I just need it to stop. I want to go out remembering the good things in my life, not this misery.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I genuinely want to die, l don't like modern society, l don't like today's Sheeple's, l have what l need to garrantee a instant exit, and am only holding on for my Dog! Simples.

 

[StillWaiting]

No longer believe that life will get better. Left the forum a year ago hoping for a change and found myself back here again.

 

[FailureGirl]

I do want to die but I also want to stay for 1 person.

If i could just keep living like things are right now with the person that's most important to me I would atleast keep trying but alot of things out of my control are at a changing point now and there's nothing I can do about it. So I don't really have any other options left.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I stop thinking it would get better. I am giving up. Another month to go, to tidy up loose ends...

 

[ratpudding]

I don't know if I want to die, I think I just want to sleep until things get better. Nothing is within my control so, getting better has nothing to do with me. I'd love to just lay down, wake up and find out I can move into a better apartment, get more money from my disability benefits and have a dog lol

 

[Superdeterminist]

Would rather things change, but there's no way that will happen, not worth waiting around for the tiny chance it does, imo. Timeliness matters a lot because I'm only a finite creature.

 

[sfree]

It's easier just to quit.

 

[Darkover]

is this place ever going to care for the life it creates probably not, what the point in living if no one loves you or cares about you, delicate and fragile in deadly environment where anything can happen to you, i'll only want to live if i had practically infinite computational power to create anything and practically infinite resources at my finger tips and be immortal with the power to reengineer the machine that i am, if this is all we're living for why are we doing it anymore

 

[Shadowplay]

Yes.

 

[irememberinnocence]

I mean both are true for me. I want for my life to change but that's not going to happen because my disease is incurable. If I wasn't deteriorating with an incurable disease I think I would want to keep living. Even with all my trauma, I'm a very resilient person. But I am not willing to live in a state of ill health forever, especially as it keeps declining. So I am going to take my own life before I lose my independence. I don't need to do it immediately. I just need to make sure I know how to for when the time comes. Sadly the laws do not give me access to help dying because I'm not terminal. So that leaves me to have to figure out the path alone.

 

[Hurt]

If I could go back in time and do the things right then I wouldn't want to die. Pretty sure. But now the only option I have is to die. I can't live like this.

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Everything changes, just not in the way I want.

 

[agate]

If I could lead my 'ideal' life , guaranteed till the day I die, then no , why would I?
Ideally I'd live in Skyrim with my loved ones ,and my loved ones are guaranteed not to die before me. That would be bliss .

At this point the world returning to pre-2020 ways would be amazing, but will never happen as the 'elites' love their power too much.
I fear they will destroy my livelihood and possibility to visit my 10 year old son across the Atlantic, which is what I worry about all the time now.
Things were bad enough before 2020 , now they're ten times worse