i truly wish my life was better and worth living, ive wished that my whole life. Knowing i will eventually ctb makes me incredibly sad, i know a lot of people on here think life is meaningless and thats okay, i dont want to change anyones mind, but i never thought it was meaningless. I thought it beautiful, i wanted it to be beautiful. I wanted to feel like it was worth living but it never did, i wanted to feel like i belonged and like i matter. I see happy people and im glad they have that but im also so jealous, why do they get that and so many others dont ? Dont we all deserve happiness, love, and community ? I know i will ctb, its inevitable, but i wish things were different, were better.