Debating just doing it tonight

[existentiallinguine]

I haven't been posting in awhile but I am really debating just going through with ctb tonight. I've been trying to find a partner to help me and go through a more full SN method but it doesn't seem to be clicking fast enough. All I have is the SN no meto, I havent tested it. I've been trying to get things together for weeks but my life keeps getting worse and worse. It's evident nobody in my school likes me anymore after I was assaulted last semester and became incredibly depressed. Today everyone was talking about all these things they did without me, having fun at parties, just not inviting me. Right in front of me. Like I'm invisible. They dont even want to sit near me. I'm not some violent person? I was molested and i have no idea what is creating such a terrible response in those around me. Everyone is fine being around my abuser in school when he literally IS a violent person and I keep seeing him nonstop. I'm waiting on my lawyer to work on my Title IX and they're taking a month to even set up the first fucking meeting. I knew I shouldnt have even gone in today. I keep waking up with rashes and hives. I'm so lonely. I'm scared of doing it wrong and getting brain damage but I just know I can't be here anymore after all this. I keep seeing the guy who assaulted me on campus. I know it should be tonight. Every reasonable part of my mind is screaming at me to just do it. I just don't know if I can wait anymore.

 

[GarGoil]

I am very sorry you are having this experience.

If possible have the person that assaulted you charged with a criminal offense.

 

[truehappiness]

I haven't been posting in awhile but I am really debating just going through with ctb tonight. I've been trying to find a partner to help me and go through a more full SN method but it doesn't seem to be clicking fast enough. All I have is the SN no meto, I havent tested it. I've been trying to get things together for weeks but my life keeps getting worse and worse. It's evident nobody in my school likes me anymore after I was assaulted last semester and became incredibly depressed. Today everyone was talking about all these things they did without me, having fun at parties, just not inviting me. Right in front of me. Like I'm invisible. They dont even want to sit near me. I'm not some violent person? I was molested and i have no idea what is creating such a terrible response in those around me. Everyone is fine being around my abuser in school when he literally IS a violent person and I keep seeing him nonstop. I'm waiting on my lawyer to work on my Title IX and they're taking a month to even set up the first fucking meeting. I knew I shouldnt have even gone in today. I keep waking up with rashes and hives. I'm so lonely. I'm scared of doing it wrong and getting brain damage but I just know I can't be here anymore after all this. I keep seeing the guy who assaulted me on campus. I know it should be tonight. Every reasonable part of my mind is screaming at me to just do it. I just don't know if I can wait anymore.

If that is truly the "only" thing that makes you want to CTB and you enjoy your life otherwise, then this might be fixable? ^^
I am deadset on exiting myself, but I still think that if you did not blow your entire life away already you can still try to fix it :>

Have you considered switching schools? I wish I could give you reassurance in the regard that your abuser will be punished, but we still live to this day in a patriarchy that protects the perpetrators and not the victims. There sadly is not much hope in that regard. At times in life running away is a good option

If you still think that there is no hope and you need a partner to go with: If you are in Germany I gladly would tag along. I got meto for the both of us as well ^^