burninghill
Arcanist
- Dec 2, 2025
- 407
I've written my notes and I'm just waiting to be ready.
I just stay awake every night wondering when I'll finally decide that I'm ready again, I've been ready before so I know it'll come back. I dream of a perfect double suicide and people who care about my suffering.
I'm just trying not to relapse. I've been avoiding cutting myself and using drugs as much as possible, but it's hard. I even tried to get into art again but I think I'd just feel worse about myself if I made something ugly. I don't have the energy to try.
I only leave the house if I absolutely have to, which is usually just for snacks. I try to keep a lot of food in my room because a lot of the time I don't have the energy to go downstairs, so I need things I can grab from the side of my bed.
I'm just so miserable and lonely. I keep trying to talk to people online because those sorts of friendships are easier to keep up for me, but it just doesn't work. I'm starting to think maybe it's just me.
I don't know who I am anymore, I feel like I've totally lost my sense of self and all enjoyment. I'm just a sad… lump of something. A waste of a life.
I just stay awake every night wondering when I'll finally decide that I'm ready again, I've been ready before so I know it'll come back. I dream of a perfect double suicide and people who care about my suffering.
I'm just trying not to relapse. I've been avoiding cutting myself and using drugs as much as possible, but it's hard. I even tried to get into art again but I think I'd just feel worse about myself if I made something ugly. I don't have the energy to try.
I only leave the house if I absolutely have to, which is usually just for snacks. I try to keep a lot of food in my room because a lot of the time I don't have the energy to go downstairs, so I need things I can grab from the side of my bed.
I'm just so miserable and lonely. I keep trying to talk to people online because those sorts of friendships are easier to keep up for me, but it just doesn't work. I'm starting to think maybe it's just me.
I don't know who I am anymore, I feel like I've totally lost my sense of self and all enjoyment. I'm just a sad… lump of something. A waste of a life.
Last edited:
