If my current therapist and I could do a joint post, we both could say my life sucks ass. On the outside. Even on the inside, but the only thing is, for once I can see with clarity that it really isn't my fault. I've spent years in 12 step meetings where I learned that I have to take responsibility for every negative thing in my life, and give God the credit for everything good. WTF kind of help is that for a person with 3 different co-occurring disorders of bipolar, BPD, and PTSD? I guess I asked for those? Then a therapist abused me mentally and emotionally for 16 years, but I have no recourse because I have a drug history? Fuck You!!
So the only that's kept me from ctb , this weekend in particular, is my current therapist. I've been seeing him for 6 years and he knows everything about me, including everything that's gone on here and our persecution by Jackie and Chip Bieber. Obviously I would never ask him to speak up about it, He's too well respected in his field to touch our situation with a ten foot pole. But my main message is this about therapy: contrary to what you hear on this site, if you can't be Honest with your therapist, GET A NEW ONE. If your therapist is blaming you for your problems, GET A NEW ONE. Even a therapist who blames your parents is better, especially because most people here are young.
Theres definitely more than a grain of truth to it, and you could spend years blaming them and it's still better than blaming yourself. But eventually you need to move on from blaming anyone, and that's really scary. Getting in touch will my all my different diagnoses made me realize my mental illnesses are profound and lifelong. Not even the worst parent would wish that consciously for their child. Now it's a question of picking up the pieces and moving forward.
I also would like to discredit a popular narrative that circulates SS regarding therapists, especially if you live in the US, and especially if you live in PA. I have been called out about being wrong about a lot of things in the US, and it took me awhile to realize PA is a special kind of hell for people with mental health issues. I would say yes, there is a chance you can be involuntarily commited for suicidal thoughts. But if you don't have a clear cut plan in place, it's very difficult to be committed. I've had EMTs argue with me that I'm not suicidal enough when I've tried to commit myself. And I've had ER staff argue with me while trying to commit a family member.
I think a therapist would have to be a complete psychopath if they can't handle a discussion about suicidal ideation and the EXPLORATION of methods. Yes, that's right, I said it. People don't get that just knowing you can check out whenever gives you the freedom to consciously say yes to life. I'm a huge advocate of mental health intervention long before Suicide Prevention even enters the picture. People are gonna do what they're gonna do, and all Prevention does is make you change plans. And the majority of suicides in the media are hanging. What are you gonna do? Outlaw rope? Towel racks? Give me a break.
And my life is wrecked right now, so the only thing I really have is a therapist willing to see me on credit right now and enough gas to make it out there tomorrow. This is beyond don't drink a day at a time bullshit. This is don't kill yourselves a minute at a time.
