Discussion dating and self worth

[PaperGodzilla]

Hi everyone ! Soooo i got a crush on a girl at work and she asked me out for a drink a while ago and it went well. But I'm too scared to ask her out now bc i feel worthless and bad most of the time, i got shame deep inside me because i'm not very functional in my personal life (I struggle sometimes with hygiene, eating well, cleaning my appartment etc.) and it affects how I feel daily. Also at work I deal with anxiety due to required performance, so I don't feel like being myself. Any advice ?
Thank you for reading me :)

 

[Krisis]

If she asked you out to drink, that's definitely something you can work with.

Irrespective of this, you're placing too much importance on her, which is why you're afraid. The worst thing you can do is start to create a version of her for yourself, which will only lead to disappointment. She's just a person like you, and your sense of value should not stem from her perception of you. Try to view the situation for how harmless it actually is, and only then can you get the most out of it. There is a basic level of connection you have with her that she established; that much is true, no matter what you think about yourself.

 

[PaperGodzilla]

If she asked you out to drink, that's definitely something you can work with.

Irrespective of this, you're placing too much importance on her, which is why you're afraid. The worst thing you can do is start to create a version of her for yourself, which will only lead to disappointment. She's just a person like you, and your sense of value should not stem from her perception of you. Try to view the situation for how harmless it actually is, and only then can you get the most out of it. There is a basic level of connection you have with her that she established; that much is true, no matter what you think about yourself.

ty, now i feel stupid, but like in a good way lmao. most of the time i feel like there is a kind of wall between me and other people and i find it hard to open up due to my problems in life. this is a good start to work on it :)

 

[Rack.-]

Hi everyone ! Soooo i got a crush on a girl at work and she asked me out for a drink a while ago and it went well. But I'm too scared to ask her out now bc i feel worthless and bad most of the time, i got shame deep inside me because i'm not very functional in my personal life (I struggle sometimes with hygiene, eating well, cleaning my appartment etc.) and it affects how I feel daily. Also at work I deal with anxiety due to required performance, so I don't feel like being myself. Any advice ?
Thank you for reading me :)

That's such good news! And you are definitely correct with your habits. The only thing I believe it might help you is the idea of self-improvement. If there are things you don't like about yourself or some habits just try to change them (ofc not everything at once)

Honestly it's the main thing that helps me feel better. Building healthy habits it's hard and the first days are always the hardest ones but as you keep going it becomes much easier. And you love that person, and she loves you back right?

Think about how do you feel when you are close to her, doesn't that encourage you to change the things you don't like about yourself? Take care

 

[carac]

You may have "avoidant attachment" I'm pretty sure it's what I have and you sound similar. Do a bit of research and see if it fits then you may be able to find some strategies to deal with it.

 

[PaperGodzilla]

You may have "avoidant attachment" I'm pretty sure it's what I have and you sound similar. Do a bit of research and see if it fits then you may be able to find some strategies to deal with it.

yeah, I already thought about that and it may have fucked my relation with my ex gf (it doesn't matter now, she is happier, it was for the best and we're still friends) Do you have any ressource like cognitive behavorial therapy sheet with tips to help work on the thoughts or well reviewed academic papers ? thanks :)

 

[carac]

yeah, I already thought about that and it may have fucked my relation with my ex gf (it doesn't matter now, she is happier, it was for the best and we're still friends) Do you have any ressource like cognitive behavorial therapy sheet with tips to help work on the thoughts or well reviewed academic papers ? thanks :)

Not really I just watched some youtube videos lol, Honestly I think a lot of it is just being aware of it and then working toward getting over it. I say this like I've conquered it but I haven't yet.

 

[just_a_guy]

There's already a lot of good points and advice in this thread but if she asked you out for a drink then there could be something there. With your apartment and hygiene, try to start building up some good habits. Then start being kinder to yourself, try to accept who you are and take the good with the bad. Have patience with yourself and don't beat yourself up if you get off track from your new habits or if you mess up on something. Good luck dude!