Help Cutting to bleed

[painIess]

So, I had an argument with my mother and she began to put me down for having an existential crisis, saying I victimize myself a lot and need to convert and called my grandma, who has depression and cries when she notices I'm sad, to talk to me. I want to trigger her maternal instincts (if she has any left) by making her see me bleed. I want to cut myself in a manner I bleed a lot, I want to be drenched in blood, doesn't matter if I need to take a blood transfusion, I just don't want it to kill me (yet), so cutting my femoral artery with a machete is a no-no lol
Any suggestions?