I know it may sound trivial ending everything over something that may seem as insignificant as exams. Ive had many people tell me that these exams arent the end of the world but it honestly is or at least it feels like it is. If i do badly my life and the life that I used to imagine wont ever be the same and I dont know if I can handle it. I live in a country where the social stigma against people who arent academically inclined is so strong. I genuinely do not see a way out of this that doesnt put a heavy financial burden on my family and I feel like ive already burdened them enough.
Im currently in the process of taking my exams and I'll only find out the results next year i dont know if i should wait until then. I dont know if i can. exam stress isnt the only thing that is making me consider ctbing but it is one of the main contributing factors. I just feel pessimistic about the future, it makes me wonder if there is any point in studying so hard, in sacrificing everything just for it to be meaningless in the end. a part of also think its so fucking stupid and pathetic that the world is literally going to hell and im just here complaining, I feel like im playing the world's smallest violin.
but anyways yeah i guess if i do badly im pretty sure im going to ctb, whether or not my perspective on the world improves for better or worse is really anyone's guess but based on how things go im pretty sure its going to be the latter. Ive struggled with suicidal ideation for around 6-7 years so Ive already decided im going to go with either partial or full hanging, its not ideal, ive tried it out a couple of times but backed out because of pain and SI, and i dont have access to anything that can help suppress it, and i dont have access to better ctbing alternatives, tho i did consider jumping for a while. i think this might just be the last straw that helps me finally go through with it.
i dont know how to feel right now but its nice to at least have a back up plan.
Im currently in the process of taking my exams and I'll only find out the results next year i dont know if i should wait until then. I dont know if i can. exam stress isnt the only thing that is making me consider ctbing but it is one of the main contributing factors. I just feel pessimistic about the future, it makes me wonder if there is any point in studying so hard, in sacrificing everything just for it to be meaningless in the end. a part of also think its so fucking stupid and pathetic that the world is literally going to hell and im just here complaining, I feel like im playing the world's smallest violin.
but anyways yeah i guess if i do badly im pretty sure im going to ctb, whether or not my perspective on the world improves for better or worse is really anyone's guess but based on how things go im pretty sure its going to be the latter. Ive struggled with suicidal ideation for around 6-7 years so Ive already decided im going to go with either partial or full hanging, its not ideal, ive tried it out a couple of times but backed out because of pain and SI, and i dont have access to anything that can help suppress it, and i dont have access to better ctbing alternatives, tho i did consider jumping for a while. i think this might just be the last straw that helps me finally go through with it.
i dont know how to feel right now but its nice to at least have a back up plan.
