
natali4
Student
- May 24, 2021
- 147
I reached my last straw today morning. Everytime I feel like I've reached my last straw I know I want to ctb, but I always push it. Today immediately I knew I cannot push it further. I will use Stan's stat regime. I have SN, meto, tagamet, ibuprofen, and propranolol.
Its 12:40 pm here right now, my last meal was last night around 10:00 pm. I haven't eaten anything since then and I won't be eating anything now. I know I didn't plan to ctb today but I have all my supplies and I really want to successfully go through with it. I don't know if I will make it, I don't know if SI will kick in and I will ruin everything, but I really have to try.
I don't want to say goodbye to anyone here. I didn't get to make close friends here, but you all have been more empathetic and kind to me than anyone else I've ever known in my entire life. I have social anxiety and found it hard to talk to people here but no matter what I want you all to know that you are kind, you matter, and you deserve all the happiness in the world. I have deleted all emails from SS in my inbox and trash. As time goes by, I will delete it from my phone and clear all browser history. I plan to take SN around 10:00pm EST tonight. I haven't tested my SN, but I bought it a year ago and never opened it and stored it in a bag since then. So I am hoping it will work. Same goes for meto and propranolol.
I have known that I want to ctb for a very long time now, and I know my decision is rushed but I just need to try. If I fail or if I decide to change my decision at any point today, I will update my decision here. Sorry if this post seems hasty or incoherent, my mind is thinking of a million things right now, I just want to prepare and watch tv for the rest of the day to distract myself.
Its 12:40 pm here right now, my last meal was last night around 10:00 pm. I haven't eaten anything since then and I won't be eating anything now. I know I didn't plan to ctb today but I have all my supplies and I really want to successfully go through with it. I don't know if I will make it, I don't know if SI will kick in and I will ruin everything, but I really have to try.
I don't want to say goodbye to anyone here. I didn't get to make close friends here, but you all have been more empathetic and kind to me than anyone else I've ever known in my entire life. I have social anxiety and found it hard to talk to people here but no matter what I want you all to know that you are kind, you matter, and you deserve all the happiness in the world. I have deleted all emails from SS in my inbox and trash. As time goes by, I will delete it from my phone and clear all browser history. I plan to take SN around 10:00pm EST tonight. I haven't tested my SN, but I bought it a year ago and never opened it and stored it in a bag since then. So I am hoping it will work. Same goes for meto and propranolol.
I have known that I want to ctb for a very long time now, and I know my decision is rushed but I just need to try. If I fail or if I decide to change my decision at any point today, I will update my decision here. Sorry if this post seems hasty or incoherent, my mind is thinking of a million things right now, I just want to prepare and watch tv for the rest of the day to distract myself.