Venting CTB to avoid working till my death

[mothmanisgay]

I have this very vivid memory of me being 6/7-ish years old, thinking about how painfully long and boring living a whole life would be.
When i was 11 would always say stuff like ''i can't wait to retire'', to the point that my mom was laughing about it.
When i was 14, i was always hoping for the world to end.
I was 16, the pandemic hit, and i lost every single last bit of educational motivation.

I stopped trying at school, and with some very lazy work and pure luck (i guess), im sitting here at my desk, 20 years old, about to finish college (in my country you go to college from ~16 till ~20).

I'll have to find a job, a real job, and work the miserable 9-5 hours. School forced me to do 3 internships, and i got to experience how it would really be to get through weeks of 9-5's, every fucking day, then have some misguided hope for the weekend and boom, its monday again, back to the 9-5.

I can't, i literally just can't. I see no future of me working, day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year. I really can't. And for what? I'll be working to pay bills, to buy food, everything is getting more expensive, in the erea where i live, i can't even rent an appartment if i'd have a fulltime job.

I see no point in living, if the life im doomed to live is filled with work, every single day. I don't know if this is rooted in me being lazy, me getting lazier during the pandemic or anything else like that, i just know that i can't, and won't.

That's why im going to ctb with a excit bag, to take matters into my own hands and go peacefully.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings really are understandable, I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Welcome to the forum.

You put into words exactly how I'm feeling today in a much more concise way than I could've. It is terrible that we are expected to "contribute" to society even when we suffer so much. There is this idea that you must be productive no matter the cost to you. I do not want to abide by that either. I recently got a job offer where I'd be working at a rubber factory for 10.5 hours per day. 50 hour weeks in a place like that isn't what people dream of. Some people tolerate it, but they often have something in their life to make the pain of their job worth it.

Oh, but wait. A full-time job isn't enough for basic needs anymore. I always thought that if you work a 40-hour week that should be enough. I shouldn't have half of my work be taxed by the government either. I'm not asking to be rich but I'd love to not be constantly stressed about if I'm going to lose money this month or not since rent is 60% of my income despite this new job I'm getting pushing me a bit over the median single-person income. Oh, and I live in a rural area where things are waaaaaay cheaper than in urban places. Not sure why people want to live there but out here it's only a little bit better.

Unfortunately, people who are higher on the ladder than us decided that the purpose of life is work. You must be loyal to your job, you're pathetic if you don't work, all that bs. Having anything outside work is apparently laughable.

I'm sorry you're going through a similar experience. I'm especially sorry that you had to go to university during covid. I did too and it sucked. I don't think you're lazy at all, I think you've come to the realization that putting everything you have to be rewarded with almost nothing was not worth it. It never will be. There is more to life than working all the time, but some people just don't realize it, and how their attitude about it causes so many people, like yourself, to suffer.

Best wishes to you. I hope one day you'll find peace.

 

[Z-A]

Nobody can judge you wanting to be free from this slavish world. Hope you find peace either way.

 

[sserafim]

That's my primary motivation for ctb as well. Ever since I was young, I never saw myself living out a full life. I knew that I was destined to die young by ctb. I also wanted to skip to retirement without having to work, and would say stuff like "I can't wait to retire". I can't imagine myself as an adult or having to go to work everyday. It's just not in the future I saw for myself. I'd rather die than become a slave to society and capitalism. I'm planning to ctb before 25 to avoid having to work for a living. I see no point in working away my life if the end destination is death for everyone. I'd rather skip to death directly without having to work. Work is modern day slavery.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I want to ctb to avoid working too. Working sounds so awful. Either way, I hope you find peace soon

 

[Ulrich]

Fuck, tell me about it. I already work full-time at 19 with no option of quitting any time soon. My life consists of waking up, working, sleeping. It's as if I am losing brain cells each day. Any other job would simply be a variation on that theme. I can't even travel since I haven't saved up enough, and even if I did I would still invariably need to return to the working life to fulfil basic financial needs. By the time I retire, I will be vacant eyed, varicose-veined and eating through a tube.

 

[tryingtoquietdown]

I completely understand you. Why waste my life on something that makes me suicidal just to go home and feel suicidal some more? I know you're just venting, not looking for suggestions, but if you are really close to CTB, I would suggest spending whatever time you have left trying to find something that makes you happy. Freelancing, fun contract gigs, or even finding another method of moneymaking like selling stuff online might be your way to go. Maybe making art, music, poetry, or something you're excited about and seeing if anyone is interested in supporting you financially. If those things don't work out, you'd hopefully still be doing something you enjoy.

And if you don't have the capacity for those things, that's completely understandable. Life itself is exhausting. Capitalism isn't survivable for everyone. It's literally designed that way. I hope that however long you're here, you're able to find some joy and some peace.

 

[davidtorez]

I definitely can agree with most of the things said, and I only work my shitty ass job 2 nights a week because of my physical pains etc. Work is pointless and painful , most people live to work and not work to live unfortunately. Capitalism isn't for everyone, maybe not for most of us. We're basically slaves to society but not only that, we're slaves to our own minds . Whatever the mind wants, the body follows to satiate the mind. It's all catch22 bullshit. How can anyone say non existence is no better than this perpetual slavery?

 

[lotheb_5drop]

I feel similarly. It just be like that.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Absolutely the same for me.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm sorry the idea of work is so painful, it's not easy having to work full time when the job sucks. If you can find something that you enjoy doing, work is much more tolerable and can contribute to one's self esteem.

I work full time and I'm currently happy with my job, nice benefits, nice salary and working hours. But before this job I worked some shitty ones, one where I even got harassed by another coworker. It can take time to land on a good job, usually jobs improve as one gets more experience, you're able to pick and choose much more.

I wish there were much better jobs in general, a lot of them seen like a way to waste one's life. Sometimes you're able to find something you enjoy and that contributes to life, but it does take time and some luck sometimes.

I hope you find the peace you deserve, either in life or beyond.

 

[TopChicken]

That's my primary motivation for ctb as well. Ever since I was young, I never saw myself living out a full life. I knew that I was destined to die young by ctb. I also wanted to skip to retirement without having to work, and would say stuff like "I can't wait to retire". I can't imagine myself as an adult or having to go to work everyday. It's just not in the future I saw for myself. I'd rather die than become a slave to society and capitalism. I'm planning to ctb before 25 to avoid having to work for a living. I see no point in working away my life if the end destination is death for everyone. I'd rather skip to death directly without having to work. Work is modern day slavery.

Same. I came to this realization really early as well, prob about 6 like op. I did start working at 16 though and it was nice having some spending cash. I got my first big job a few years later. It was also 5 10 hour days in an abusive workplace working for sadistic assholes. One month I worked the first week with 70 hours, 2nd with 80, 3rd with 90, and 4th had 110 ending with a 25hour shift. It was good money but I burned out after about a year. Lost everything. That was reset number 2 by that point. I think I'm on 6 now lol. Capitalism is fun. At least we all have horrifying stories to tell around the campfire when the world goes to hell.