I definitely wish I hadn't been born. However, I am very fortunate to have been born to very loving parents. While I myself have failed at most things I've tried, the one thing I'm grateful for is those who love me—many aren't so fortunate.
Still, I don't want to live through what's coming. I have struggled with depression since age 13 (so, just over 10 years now) and it's not getting any better, nor are our living circumstances. Apparently winters were once longer, summers were once shorter, spring and fall were very distinct seasons, and birds and insects were common. Today, where I live, it is almost entirely silent during the day… And I live out in the woods. I can identify maybe four, five individual birds. The air should be full of song. This area once had lots of other wildlife too, but I haven't seen or heard of a bear or bobcat in the area in over a year, because people view them as pests and not necessary components of an ecosystem. Turns out, we're the pests, and Mother Earth is about to go into pest control mode.
To go one step further, so many jobs come at the expense of the natural world. Regardless of what job I held, that wouldn't change the fact that there are 10000x more destroyers than creators, even those who don't feel they destroy, their job exists to perpetuate it—and they seemingly can't be convinced otherwise, much less be convinced that it's the core systemic issue of the last two centuries. As long as you can take home a paycheck, eh? I myself have been inpatient hospitalized three times, and am largely too unstable to be relied upon in a traditional job, making me useless to the system, and powerless to flee the incoming storm. All the more reason to go.
My one regret is the necessity of hurting those that love me by undertaking this action. I apologize profusely in the note I've written, and make it clear that I've lived a good life with them. Anything to ease their pain. I won't dissuade them from their path in any way, after all I want them to try to enjoy what's left of the world they grew up in even as it changes. They are an infinitesimally small part of the issue, statistically nonexistent, and they are good people who try to do what they can. The last thing I want is to make them feel like I do, it has been a decade of internal hell. I know CTB will hurt regardless, but piling hurt and ridicule on top of that… I simply can't do that.
I wish more people would carefully consider the act of having children. There are many genetic markers to indicate a likelihood of poor outcomes, and in general, the world is in a bad place. Any amount of actual research (that isn't hopium) would indicate it won't get better, and this isn't spoken as a doomer. I am absolutely certain that many people are strong enough to handle what's coming, but I know I'm not. I already get terribly sad when I don't hear birds in the spring, and the heat waves and fires are paralyzingly terrifying. There is no good outcome for me, so I'm getting while the getting's good. Before I lose anything else. I can dream of a better future for them, for the world, for everyone, and fade away with a smile as I dream it true.
