CTB because of pain condition

[Lotus]

Hi. It's almost been a year since I joined the forum. At that point I was extremely suicidal and had a serious ctb attempt. I slowly began to recover, and I've been trying to stay on this pathway since. I've been noticing that I've gotten worse the last months. In addition to that I have chronic, daily migraine which really breaks down my life spirit. I've had a constant migraine for a week no (which means not a single break from the pain) and the meds don't do anything for me right now. I'm so exhausted from it, which makes ctb very tempting. I'm crying because I'm so exhausted, but trying to hold it in because it will only increase the pain from the headache.

Does anyone relate to this frustrating situation? I feel like I want to hold on to this little hope I have, but I'm afraid that there's no hope left. Thanks for reading.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're suffering, @Lotus. Migraines are dreadful.

 

[whywere]

YES..YES , i TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. I really feel sorry for you and wish I could take it away for you. I know what chronic pain is and how it wears one down. I was in a really bad car crash, 5 years ago, NOT my fault, the other driver blew through a stop sign and I t-boned him. He did not get a scratch and I wound up in ICU. Ever since I have chronic pain from my right eye socket to my right big toe, the entire length of the right side of my body. I have had migraines with it before also. I have been on opoids from day 1 and will be on them the rest of my life. The opoids help somewhat with the chronic pain BUT I have it 24/7/365. YES..YES ctb comes into play for me also. I am with you 100% of the way as far as I care, love and want you to live a better life. Please keep in touch as far as I have chronic pain also, will for the rest of my life, and we can work at it together. Love and peace to you my global family member.

 

[Lotus]

I'm sorry you're suffering, @Lotus. Migraines are dreadful.

Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from.

YES..YES , i TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. I really feel sorry for you and wish I could take it away for you. I know what chronic pain is and how it wears one down. I was in a really bad car crash, 5 years ago, NOT my fault, the other driver blew through a stop sign and I t-boned him. He did not get a scratch and I wound up in ICU. Ever since I have chronic pain from my right eye socket to my right big toe, the entire length of the right side of my body. I have had migraines with it before also. I have been on opoids from day 1 and will be on them the rest of my life. The opoids help somewhat with the chronic pain BUT I have it 24/7/365. YES..YES ctb comes into play for me also. I am with you 100% of the way as far as I care, love and want you to live a better life. Please keep in touch as far as I have chronic pain also, will for the rest of my life, and we can work at it together. Love and peace to you my global family member.

Thank you so much, it really is a nightmare which just keeps returning and returning. I'm sorry that you also have chronic pain which also has little pain relief from meds. I wish , that I could make it go away for you too. Thanks for responding and letting me know I'm not alone. I really hit a low point this weekend, and I can only hope that I can hold on to the hope that things get better. Lots of hugs.

 

[whywere]

Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from.



Thank you so much, it really is a nightmare which just keeps returning and returning. I'm sorry that you also have chronic pain which also has little pain relief from meds. I wish , that I could make it go away for you too. Thanks for responding and letting me know I'm not alone. I really hit a low point this weekend, and I can only hope that I can hold on to the hope that things get better. Lots of hugs.

My heart breaks for you as it seems to be never ending. Please try and keep in mind that we are all here for you, and YES! you are NOT alone ever. I know how hard it is with chronic pain .I am 64 years young snd have chronic pain and occasional migraines since 2015. So if you can relax and if it helps like a dark room and kick back andsleep would that help? does for me that is the only reason i mention it, NOT being BOSSY at all. Ireally care for you and only want the best for you, so I hope we all here have and can help you since you are such a nice family memeber here!

 

[Pharmaruined]

Hi. It's almost been a year since I joined the forum. At that point I was extremely suicidal and had a serious ctb attempt. I slowly began to recover, and I've been trying to stay on this pathway since. I've been noticing that I've gotten worse the last months. In addition to that I have chronic, daily migraine which really breaks down my life spirit. I've had a constant migraine for a week no (which means not a single break from the pain) and the meds don't do anything for me right now. I'm so exhausted from it, which makes ctb very tempting. I'm crying because I'm so exhausted, but trying to hold it in because it will only increase the pain from the headache.

Does anyone relate to this frustrating situation? I feel like I want to hold on to this little hope I have, but I'm afraid that there's no hope left. Thanks for reading.

Have you tried Epsom salt baths?. two cups Epsom salt in semi hot water.. 20 to 30 min..
Also there are some frequency devices u wear on your head.. heard some success stories with those as well.

 

[Okami]

Yes, my chronic pain is definitely one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to die. I've had this illness for almost 5 years now, and it's just drained everything from me. The majority of my opportunities have just vanished, and my life for the past several years has been nothing but me desperately trying to find something to distract myself from the pain. I don't even feel alive anymore.

 

[Soul]

Someone once told me plunging her head in a basin of ice water (just one brief plunge) was the best thing for her tension headaches. Those can be quite migraine-like.

Drinking pickle brine has often helped me.

 

[Ghost2211]

I can relate. Migraines have been with me since teen years. Have you been talking to a neurologist?

 

[Fedrea]

Hi. It's almost been a year since I joined the forum. At that point I was extremely suicidal and had a serious ctb attempt. I slowly began to recover, and I've been trying to stay on this pathway since. I've been noticing that I've gotten worse the last months. In addition to that I have chronic, daily migraine which really breaks down my life spirit. I've had a constant migraine for a week no (which means not a single break from the pain) and the meds don't do anything for me right now. I'm so exhausted from it, which makes ctb very tempting. I'm crying because I'm so exhausted, but trying to hold it in because it will only increase the pain from the headache.

Does anyone relate to this frustrating situation? I feel like I want to hold on to this little hope I have, but I'm afraid that there's no hope left. Thanks for reading.

I had a constant headache for two whole years and it eventually went away. It was diagnosed his new daily persistent headache and I didn't think it would ever go. In retrospect stress was a big factor. Our bodies can be strange and chronic pain can abate. I appreciate that doesn't happen for everyone

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

Yes, my chronic pain is definitely one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to die. I've had this illness for almost 5 years now, and it's just drained everything from me. The majority of my opportunities have just vanished, and my life for the past several years has been nothing but me desperately trying to find something to distract myself from the pain. I don't even feel alive anymore.

I could have written this. I don't feel like a human anymore, just an accumulation of diseases and conditions and dysfunctions which cause me 24/7 pain, or at least discomfort to the degree I can't enjoy even basic things like eating, or sleeping, or taking a walk in nature, or reading - all things I used to love doing. Now all I can do is sit at home, watch movies if I can focus on them long enough to follow the story, and like you said, just find SOME way to distract me from the pain. I'm also chronically sleep deprived which doesn't help. This isn't living. This is suffering worse than an animal for over 20 years and I'm done. So although I had issues that made my life difficult and sad before getting so many chronic health problems and pain, I could cope. Now, no. It's probably 95% of the reason I am planning on CTB.

 

[Zyntkalla]

Yes I feel you I am in a similar situation like you but I had my pain since birth,and it got worse after the surgery,and I always felt like I was born to die since the age of 6.

 

[tidalwxves]

Hi. It's almost been a year since I joined the forum. At that point I was extremely suicidal and had a serious ctb attempt. I slowly began to recover, and I've been trying to stay on this pathway since. I've been noticing that I've gotten worse the last months. In addition to that I have chronic, daily migraine which really breaks down my life spirit. I've had a constant migraine for a week no (which means not a single break from the pain) and the meds don't do anything for me right now. I'm so exhausted from it, which makes ctb very tempting. I'm crying because I'm so exhausted, but trying to hold it in because it will only increase the pain from the headache.

Does anyone relate to this frustrating situation? I feel like I want to hold on to this little hope I have, but I'm afraid that there's no hope left. Thanks for reading.

Thanks for sharing your situation, I can't personally relate, but I had a friend who got hit by a car and suffered from migraines for a long time. The only thing that helped what physical therapy that specifically targeted his neck/head/spine. Maybe that could get you results, I hope things improve for you this sounds like a very scary and frustrating situation.

 

[Lotus]

Thanks for all the responses and reactions to my post. I really appreciate it. I've been to several neurologists @RoseyBird , and I've tried lots of meds both for the attacks and long term prevention meds. I've just met a new neurologist, and he kinda wants to start all over again. In some way it's nice to see that he takes me serious, but I'm feeling very down when it doesn't work. He works private so I can't afford to see him regularly, but he wants the hospital to take me as serious as him (which they don't unfortunately). I'm really struggling to balance uni (already really behind), work (need the money and experience) and a social life (which is the only thing that doesn't make me go insane). I wish I could function 100%. I know that my depression would be there anyway, but this is so discouraging. Sorry for ranting. I have not tried your suggestions @Pharmaruined and @Soul , but feel like I should try most things to just have given it a try. I've tried physical therapy @tidalwxves , but I've not found the right therapist for me unfortunately.

I had a constant headache for two whole years and it eventually went away. It was diagnosed his new daily persistent headache and I didn't think it would ever go. In retrospect stress was a big factor. Our bodies can be strange and chronic pain can abate. I appreciate that doesn't happen for everyone

Oh god, I'm glad that it went away even though you had to struggle with it constantly for two whole years. It really is dreadful. I know that my condition is also worsened by stress, so I kinda need to do something in my life, but I don't really feel that I have the opportunity to do so. It has really peaked over the last two years, and now it's so dreadful I don't really wanna wake up the times I actually fall asleep.

Yes, my chronic pain is definitely one of the biggest reasons for me wanting to die. I've had this illness for almost 5 years now, and it's just drained everything from me. The majority of my opportunities have just vanished, and my life for the past several years has been nothing but me desperately trying to find something to distract myself from the pain. I don't even feel alive anymore.

I could have written this. I don't feel like a human anymore, just an accumulation of diseases and conditions and dysfunctions which cause me 24/7 pain, or at least discomfort to the degree I can't enjoy even basic things like eating, or sleeping, or taking a walk in nature, or reading - all things I used to love doing. Now all I can do is sit at home, watch movies if I can focus on them long enough to follow the story, and like you said, just find SOME way to distract me from the pain. I'm also chronically sleep deprived which doesn't help. This isn't living. This is suffering worse than an animal for over 20 years and I'm done. So although I had issues that made my life difficult and sad before getting so many chronic health problems and pain, I could cope. Now, no. It's probably 95% of the reason I am planning on CTB.

Yes I feel you I am in a similar situation like you but I had my pain since birth,and it got worse after the surgery,and I always felt like I was born to die since the age of 6.

I'm so sorry that you all can relate, even though it's not the same condition. It feels so unfair, and I hate that I'm stuck with this. I'm trying so hard to keep up with everyone else's functioning level, and I'm feeling so put-down when I realize that I probably never will. I'm very private about my struggles, so people don't understand (and I don't think they would anyway). I can totally relate to finding distractions from the pain. Thanks again for sharing a little of your story. It means a lot to me. Thanks again @whywere for sharing and relating.

It's 3 am now and I'm wide awake because of my migraine. I'm gonna take some meds to try and break the constant cycle I'm stuck in, but what's extremely frustrating about the meds is that you can't take them too much. I'm kinda relying on the meds to function, but it's so ironic that my headache actually gets worse from taking them too much. It really is a double-edged sword.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Hyperbunny]

Thanks for all the responses and reactions to my post. I really appreciate it. I've been to several neurologists @RoseyBird , and I've tried lots of meds both for the attacks and long term prevention meds. I've just met a new neurologist, and he kinda wants to start all over again. In some way it's nice to see that he takes me serious, but I'm feeling very down when it doesn't work. He works private so I can't afford to see him regularly, but he wants the hospital to take me as serious as him (which they don't unfortunately). I'm really struggling to balance uni (already really behind), work (need the money and experience) and a social life (which is the only thing that doesn't make me go insane). I wish I could function 100%. I know that my depression would be there anyway, but this is so discouraging. Sorry for ranting. I have not tried your suggestions @Pharmaruined and @Soul , but feel like I should try most things to just have given it a try. I've tried physical therapy @tidalwxves , but I've not found the right therapist for me unfortunately.



Oh god, I'm glad that it went away even though you had to struggle with it constantly for two whole years. It really is dreadful. I know that my condition is also worsened by stress, so I kinda need to do something in my life, but I don't really feel that I have the opportunity to do so. It has really peaked over the last two years, and now it's so dreadful I don't really wanna wake up the times I actually fall asleep.





I'm so sorry that you all can relate, even though it's not the same condition. It feels so unfair, and I hate that I'm stuck with this. I'm trying so hard to keep up with everyone else's functioning level, and I'm feeling so put-down when I realize that I probably never will. I'm very private about my struggles, so people don't understand (and I don't think they would anyway). I can totally relate to finding distractions from the pain. Thanks again for sharing a little of your story. It means a lot to me. Thanks again @whywere for sharing and relating.

It's 3 am now and I'm wide awake because of my migraine. I'm gonna take some meds to try and break the constant cycle I'm stuck in, but what's extremely frustrating about the meds is that you can't take them too much. I'm kinda relying on the meds to function, but it's so ironic that my headache actually gets worse from taking them too much. It really is a double-edged sword.

Thanks for reading.

Hi @Lotus , i also suffer chronic pain, and find most meds dont work for me atm. its aa struggle, but i managed to get refferd to a pain dr and they have lots of meds they can try. its horrible to be in pain, and on meds which dont work well for pain yet make u tired and drowsy

 

[YellowSneakers]

My suicidal ideation is directly related to my chronic pain. My condition is degenerative so not only do I have to live with daily pain, I live in constant fear of the inevitable. Every little pain/ache triggers negative thoughts about the future. It's a miserable existence.

 

[whywere]

My suicidal ideation is directly related to my chronic pain. My condition is degenerative so not only do I have to live with daily pain, I live in constant fear of the inevitable. Every little pain/ache triggers negative thoughts about the future. It's a miserable existence.

You and me are 100% the same. i have chronic pain 24/7/365 and my condition is also degenerative. I was told that somewhere in the distance I could wind up in a wheelchair WITH the darn pain yet. YES, it is truly a miserable life/existence. But i hope you can get out and enjoy a bright sunny day and maybe just maybe a little respite from the crappy pain. Love and caring to you my global family member.

 

[Kcountdown]

I empathize with you, after going on two years of chronic pain caused by nerve damage I find myself waking up every day and having to force myself to do the most basic tasks. You also hit the nail on the head about holding on to a sliver of hope that it might get better but being fearful of losing it, I feel that as well. In my case I'm still holding on to a tiny fragment of hope that I can find a way to deal with my pain but knowing its here for the rest of my life is slowly chipping away at that hope. I feel bad for anyone who has to go through the mental anguish of constant pain without knowing if its ever going to get any better.

 

[Lotus]

Hi @Lotus , i also suffer chronic pain, and find most meds dont work for me atm. its aa struggle, but i managed to get refferd to a pain dr and they have lots of meds they can try. its horrible to be in pain, and on meds which dont work well for pain yet make u tired and drowsy

Oh, I'm sorry to hear, but I'm glad that you're referred to specialists on pain. I agree with you so much on the last thing you say - the pain, meds not working but making you drowsy. I have it like that right now, and I'm so tired of it. I don't know what do do, and I feel like I'm jeopardizing my everyday life if I stay in the hospital for a few days, but that's probably what I need to do eventually. Maybe tomorrow, then I have an appointment with my GP so we'll see what he has to say.

My suicidal ideation is directly related to my chronic pain. My condition is degenerative so not only do I have to live with daily pain, I live in constant fear of the inevitable. Every little pain/ache triggers negative thoughts about the future. It's a miserable existence.

I'm so sorry to hear. I can only imagine how you're feeling. Hope of it getting better is the only thing that keeps me somewhat going, so you're really strong keeping up with your condition. Same to you @whywere I don't know if there's anything to say to make you feel any better. Lots of hugs.

I empathize with you, after going on two years of chronic pain caused by nerve damage I find myself waking up every day and having to force myself to do the most basic tasks. You also hit the nail on the head about holding on to a sliver of hope that it might get better but being fearful of losing it, I feel that as well. In my case I'm still holding on to a tiny fragment of hope that I can find a way to deal with my pain but knowing its here for the rest of my life is slowly chipping away at that hope. I feel bad for anyone who has to go through the mental anguish of constant pain without knowing if its ever going to get any better.

Thanks, I appreciate it. I'm sorry about your long history of pain. I'm kinda glad you also have some hope left, and I hope you hold on to it. I hope I do too, even though it's really tough at times. Then I feel like I would do anything to just make the pain go away, which is a very dangerous thought. Wish you the best.

I really appreciate all the responses. I'm very exhausted right now, so I'm gonna try to take a little bit more meds and see if it's gonna work.

 

[LittleJem]

For chronic migraines research shows that microdosing psilocybin or lsd can clear this condition. In Europe you can buy and ship magic truffles for microdosing online from Holland. This can also ease depression. The results are promising. I would highly recommend trying that next.
LSD and psilocybin reporter as highly effective for cluster headaches etc: this is a line from this report:

Psychoactive substances as a last resort—a qualitative study of self-treatment of migraine and cluster headaches

Treatment resistant cluster headache and migraine patients are exploring alternative treatments online. The aim of this study was to improve comprehension regarding the use of non-established or alternative pharmacological treatments used by sufferers ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Check contraindications with any medication you take...
The fact these aren't prescribed to sufferers despite their efficacy is frankly evil!!!

 

[Lotus]

Thanks for your input @LittleJem . I'm at the hospital now, but unfortunately they can't do much. So hope it passes soon.

 

[Pharmaruined]

Thanks for all the responses and reactions to my post. I really appreciate it. I've been to several neurologists @RoseyBird , and I've tried lots of meds both for the attacks and long term prevention meds. I've just met a new neurologist, and he kinda wants to start all over again. In some way it's nice to see that he takes me serious, but I'm feeling very down when it doesn't work. He works private so I can't afford to see him regularly, but he wants the hospital to take me as serious as him (which they don't unfortunately). I'm really struggling to balance uni (already really behind), work (need the money and experience) and a social life (which is the only thing that doesn't make me go insane). I wish I could function 100%. I know that my depression would be there anyway, but this is so discouraging. Sorry for ranting. I have not tried your suggestions @Pharmaruined and @Soul , but feel like I should try most things to just have given it a try. I've tried physical therapy @tidalwxves , but I've not found the right therapist for me unfortunately.



Oh god, I'm glad that it went away even though you had to struggle with it constantly for two whole years. It really is dreadful. I know that my condition is also worsened by stress, so I kinda need to do something in my life, but I don't really feel that I have the opportunity to do so. It has really peaked over the last two years, and now it's so dreadful I don't really wanna wake up the times I actually fall asleep.





I'm so sorry that you all can relate, even though it's not the same condition. It feels so unfair, and I hate that I'm stuck with this. I'm trying so hard to keep up with everyone else's functioning level, and I'm feeling so put-down when I realize that I probably never will. I'm very private about my struggles, so people don't understand (and I don't think they would anyway). I can totally relate to finding distractions from the pain. Thanks again for sharing a little of your story. It means a lot to me. Thanks again @whywere for sharing and relating.

It's 3 am now and I'm wide awake because of my migraine. I'm gonna take some meds to try and break the constant cycle I'm stuck in, but what's extremely frustrating about the meds is that you can't take them too much. I'm kinda relying on the meds to function, but it's so ironic that my headache actually gets worse from taking them too much. It really is a double-edged sword.

Thanks for reading.

Yea try the epsom salt bath. Maybe the extra magnesium will relax the nerve endings.. also a girlfriend of mine suffered for months with a constant migraine.. she has fibromyalgia btw, I thought it was probably an infection.. sure enough they found one in her nasal passages.. she went on antibiotics and headaches went away..just a thought..

This is the device I was thinking about

Electronic Headband Prevents Migraines With Tiny Jolts

The battery-powered device sends electrical pulses through the skin of the forehead. People who used the headband in a study had fewer migraines and took less headache medicine.

www.npr.org

Also do u have neck issues.? Maybe something compressing a nerve.. ?

I wish u well.. sending good vibes your pain will be relieved.
Hang in there , we're all with u.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

nonstop chronic pain since 2014 due to some bs and im only 21, so since i was about 16 my life has sucked big time. its muscular/joint pain so it fucks up my mobility and ability to function, its just taken the enjoyment and pleasure out of everything, my life basically revolves around it now and ive BEEN fed up. six years is more than enough, i dont get why life is so fucking cruel and unforgiving that nothing can be done about it... ive tried just about everything and doctors p much just told me im outta options. i dont get wtf society expects me to even do at this point... continue living just to suffer every day?? no fuck that, im outta here soon.

 

[yetme]

Hi. It's almost been a year since I joined the forum. At that point I was extremely suicidal and had a serious ctb attempt. I slowly began to recover, and I've been trying to stay on this pathway since. I've been noticing that I've gotten worse the last months. In addition to that I have chronic, daily migraine which really breaks down my life spirit. I've had a constant migraine for a week no (which means not a single break from the pain) and the meds don't do anything for me right now. I'm so exhausted from it, which makes ctb very tempting. I'm crying because I'm so exhausted, but trying to hold it in because it will only increase the pain from the headache.

Does anyone relate to this frustrating situation? I feel like I want to hold on to this little hope I have, but I'm afraid that there's no hope left. Thanks for reading.

Yeah, chronic pain is the reason Im here.

 

[Dude1983]

Gut pain 24/7,7 years in, 2 surgerys, i cant barelly walk without increasing the pain at unbearable levels. Can´t do anything, Waiting for a miracle or courage i guess

 

[LonelyNick]

Gut pain 24/7,7 years in, 2 surgerys, i cant barelly walk without increasing the pain at unbearable levels. Can´t do anything, Waiting for a miracle or courage i guess

Same, gallblader issues for years, finally have a bad enough episode in January to be put on waitlist then COVID happens....

 

[WaitingWesting]

I know exactaly how u feel. Ive suffered most my life with debilitating migraines. The pain drags on for days n weeks sometimes. Imatrex works sometimes but more often then not it lands me in the ER to have a Toradol shot which is horrible cuz hospitals give me bad anxiety so i will wait for days n days suffering before i go in. Ive used all my paid vacation and sick time this year dealing with this pain. I cant even enjoy my earned time off cuz i have to use it for this.

 

[Lilacmoon]

Migraines are awful. One of the factors I'll be going soon too.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

years ago I had a migraine for 8 months. The only relief was when it was so bad I went to the emergency room. They gave me a dilaudid mix shot that took it away for a few hours. Doc put me on relpax and it worked! have you tried relpax?

 

[Lotus]

nonstop chronic pain since 2014 due to some bs and im only 21, so since i was about 16 my life has sucked big time. its muscular/joint pain so it fucks up my mobility and ability to function, its just taken the enjoyment and pleasure out of everything, my life basically revolves around it now and ive BEEN fed up. six years is more than enough, i dont get why life is so fucking cruel and unforgiving that nothing can be done about it... ive tried just about everything and doctors p much just told me im outta options. i dont get wtf society expects me to even do at this point... continue living just to suffer every day?? no fuck that, im outta here soon.

I'm so sorry to hear. I can really relate to what you're saying. I find it so hard to just keep going...

Gut pain 24/7,7 years in, 2 surgerys, i cant barelly walk without increasing the pain at unbearable levels. Can´t do anything, Waiting for a miracle or courage i guess

Lots of hugs.

I know exactaly how u feel. Ive suffered most my life with debilitating migraines. The pain drags on for days n weeks sometimes. Imatrex works sometimes but more often then not it lands me in the ER to have a Toradol shot which is horrible cuz hospitals give me bad anxiety so i will wait for days n days suffering before i go in. Ive used all my paid vacation and sick time this year dealing with this pain. I cant even enjoy my earned time off cuz i have to use it for this.

Thanks for sharing and understanding. I've never tried a Toradol shot. I know exactly what you mean about vacation and free time to cope with this. It's so frustrating, I feel like I can't have a proper life.

Migraines are awful. One of the factors I'll be going soon too.

Hugs.

years ago I had a migraine for 8 months. The only relief was when it was so bad I went to the emergency room. They gave me a dilaudid mix shot that took it away for a few hours. Doc put me on relpax and it worked! have you tried relpax?

Yes, relpax is the only medication that can give me some pain relief. They don't to much here at the ER, and I end up just laying in bed crying and hoping that it will be over. Do you know what made it better after those 8 months?