Venting crying (SH warning)

[OliverTreeLver]

I cant believe I relapsed after two years of absence. I SH today after a really bad week. I tried so hard but I had to break it. I haven't been exactly clean, but I never shed blood. Today I got so anxious while chewing my nails that I ended up making a huge mess on my hands and bed. I don't know how to clean this; my phone is covered in red. I feel sick. I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up. Not even Blonde is making me feel a bit relieved.

 

[Sulyya]

I never heard of chewing nails as sh - or is it a replacement habit that went too far by accident? Two years is an accomplishment even if broken but I am sorry for your bad week and what has happened.

 

[OliverTreeLver]

I never heard of chewing nails as sh - or is it a replacement habit that went too far by accident? Two years is an accomplishment even if broken but I am sorry for your bad week and what has happened.

I used to do a lot of things, but scratching my skin off was my biggest offender. I would usually follow it by chewing the nails until the sensitive stuff is there and it would be all bloody. I haven't done it in so long and it is so hard to hide from everyone so I have no idea what to do about it.

I am trying to log it in my app and then clean up the bed, I think I got my nails under control for now but they hurt too much. I would not recommend to anyone to SH, but especially anything to do with nails.

Anyone know how to remove blood from bedsheets quickly? Water isn't helping-

 

[Sulyya]

I scratched a long time ago but never went any further into direct sh.
Personally I'd say 'relapse' is falling into a consistent habit again. That's how I've seen it anyway. Keep trying. Look at it objectively, as : How many days out of the last 600 or whatever have I done it? One. So that's very successful.

 

[anxious_depressive]

Anyone know how to remove blood from bedsheets quickly? Water isn't helping-

I've heard that you can remove blood from fabric with hydrogen peroxide.
You need to apply the peroxide to the stains and then wash the fabric in cool water with soap/powder.

I don't know how effective this is, but it worked for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly can be painful and there does seem to be no real relief from suffering in this cruel world. It must be really awful and tiring what you have to go through, if only the option to never wake again was there then that would of course be ideal.