Venting Counselling sesh

[Firecaste]

First decided to ctb a couple yearso ago, that was when I had sat down and had a long think about the pain in my life and the inevitably upcoming pain of my future, I rationalised suicide as being the correct choice. Didn't actually make a real attempt until last Thursday, it was just something at the back of my mind, I have decided hanging is the way to go, I can make a good setup over the door whenever I want. Just need people out the way, the really big problem is having all the thoughts and emotions start flying through my head, then it all goes to shit and I can't even try again until I calm down, I really don't want to be here this time next year, I'm determined not to be. Already put this off too much, I hope I can push myself through it soon. I just hate how doubt has a way of slipping into my mind. Too world weary to get into the specifics of the why's and why nots. But trust me I gotta go. Oh and I make stupid jokes because it's my way of pretending that I'm coping when I'm not really coping I'm just scared as shit. =(

 

[21Neberg]

Survival instinct is always a danger. It may just be the reason why you pull your head out of the noose last second. That is why it is important to prepare your methohd really well, including experimenting with the noose and feeling comfortable in it. Basically, experience your entire method before attempting - just without actually going through with it. The more preparation, the more likely you are to succeed!

Best of luck. Also, if I may ask, what was your previous attempt?

 

[Firecaste]

Can't just leave a rope hanging over the door, but I do make sure it's taut. and test by pushing my arm down in it really hard, my last try was last night but wasn't the best attempt I started crying and had to sit down.

 

[21Neberg]

Don't kick yourself because you started crying. That is an important step in overcoming your fears so that you don't cry as much next time you try. Until you don't cry at all, and are able to CTB without any emotions interfering.

 

[Firecaste]

Thanks Bro.

 

[TAW122]

Yes, the survival instinct is a bitch and a pain in the ass. Like @21Neberg said, the more practice you have, the closer you will be to actually having little to no fear and full control over your body, even overriding the survival instinct will result in the best chances of success. I do hope you are able to find peace before the end of 2019.

 

[Volomori83]

Yeah @21Neberg is spot on. I've practised to a point now where I'm able to disassociate emotion whilst the noose is around my neck. Once I've got the actual process sussed then I'll be free to ctb. You will get over the emotional part of it. Once you've reconciled your will to ctb with the actual act of ending your life, then you'll be free.

 

[21Neberg]

Yeah @21Neberg is spot on. I've practised to a point now where I'm able to disassociate emotion whilst the noose is around my neck. Once I've got the actual process sussed then I'll be free to ctb. You will get over the emotional part of it. Once you've reconciled your will to ctb with the actual act of ending your life, then you'll be free.

Massive respect for you. My emotions still get to me.

 

[Othermind]

As others have said, partial is deceptively easy but it takes ungodly willpower to overcome your survival instinct knowing the whole process can be interrupted just by standing up.
I don't know, have you researched anything else? 'Cause that's the kind of method I'd keep as a plan B or a last resort.