Help Coping with Living Alone

[evans]

hi, i have been living on my own for the longest period of my life currently. i moved away from my parents as a teenager, but i have always had roommates or someone i was dating living with me. i find it very terrifying. yes i have psychosis. haven't been able to get on any medication that has helped yet. i am more calm when there is noise in my house. (my old housemates were always louder than me, which i didn't mind) but then i get paranoid my neighbours will be upset or call the police about my volume being loud. (my volume isn't loud. my neighbours wouldn't care anyways. i know i am irrational.) i am very scared of people. i have been raped & sexually assaulted more times than i can recall. and all my friends have become distant or have moved away. i have tried to go out and meet people, but every time i've gone out on my own i've been sexually harassed. (i am a short woman) and i have no friends to go out with me. now i just i try to walk in nature so i don't become a shut-in. i had a therapist come to my house when i was a child for having autism and agoraphobia but i don't remember much. so i think me getting new roommates is out of the question due to how i am. also if i ctb i wouldn't want any roommate to witness/have to deal with that.

so does anyone know how to become more comfortable in my own home? and being okay with being alone? how do i make friends in my mid twenties? what if i don't only want to go to clubs/bars? how do i deal with the guilt associated with making connections knowing i will inevitably end my life? i have graduated college and work from home. this is my first thread here. sorry if anything is strangely written or confusing.

 

[ForsakenEcho]

The first time I lived alone, I felt really anxious about being by myself at home. I could hardly ever feel at peace in my own space, which led me to go out partying a lot — mostly just so I could come back exhausted, fall asleep, and skip straight to the next day. It didn't really do me much good, though, especially the day after.

After some things happened, I ended up adopting a little cat. I can't say for sure if she's the only reason, but ever since then I've felt more comfortable at home, even though she's a pretty quiet one. At the very least, I never really feel completely alone anymore.

I'm not sure if that would work for you — I think it depends on your connection with animals — but for me, it helped a lot.

 

[evans]

The first time I lived alone, I felt really anxious about being by myself at home. I could hardly ever feel at peace in my own space, which led me to go out partying a lot — mostly just so I could come back exhausted, fall asleep, and skip straight to the next day. It didn't really do me much good, though, especially the day after.

After some things happened, I ended up adopting a little cat. I can't say for sure if she's the only reason, but ever since then I've felt more comfortable at home, even though she's a pretty quiet one. At the very least, I never really feel completely alone anymore.

I'm not sure if that would work for you — I think it depends on your connection with animals — but for me, it helped a lot.

i actually was thinking about this. but my dog i adopted 10 years ago passed a couple months ago. i'm still having a hard time adjusting to not having her in my daily routine. i used to have a cat and he was very lovely to have around, and i miss him a lot. but he was stolen by one of my exs. i am worried about getting a pet and then killing myself, and what will happen to them after. or that i am not mentally well enough to provide adequate care for the animal in the first place.

 

[darksouls]

hi, i have been living on my own for the longest period of my life currently. i moved away from my parents as a teenager, but i have always had roommates or someone i was dating living with me. i find it very terrifying. yes i have psychosis. haven't been able to get on any medication that has helped yet. i am more calm when there is noise in my house. (my old housemates were always louder than me, which i didn't mind) but then i get paranoid my neighbours will be upset or call the police about my volume being loud. (my volume isn't loud. my neighbours wouldn't care anyways. i know i am irrational.) i am very scared of people. i have been raped & sexually assaulted more times than i can recall. and all my friends have become distant or have moved away. i have tried to go out and meet people, but every time i've gone out on my own i've been sexually harassed. (i am a short woman) and i have no friends to go out with me. now i just i try to walk in nature so i don't become a shut-in. i had a therapist come to my house when i was a child for having autism and agoraphobia but i don't remember much. so i think me getting new roommates is out of the question due to how i am. also if i ctb i wouldn't want any roommate to witness/have to deal with that.

so does anyone know how to become more comfortable in my own home? and being okay with being alone? how do i make friends in my mid twenties? what if i don't only want to go to clubs/bars? how do i deal with the guilt associated with making connections knowing i will inevitably end my life? i have graduated college and work from home. this is my first thread here. sorry if anything is strangely written or confusing.

I never had human friends
my pets were my friends
have you ever considered adopting a dog from a shelter?

 

[ForsakenEcho]

i actually was thinking about this. but my dog i adopted 10 years ago passed a couple months ago. i'm still having a hard time adjusting to not having her in my daily routine. i used to have a cat and he was very lovely to have around, and i miss him a lot. but he was stolen by one of my exs. i am worried about getting a pet and then killing myself, and what will happen to them after. or that i am not mentally well enough to provide adequate care for the animal in the first place.

I'm really sorry about your dog and your cat :(

I think if you ever really decide to catch the bus, you could always try adjusting your plan to make sure your pet is taken to a shelter or left with someone you trust.

In the end, I think having an animal around will always be better for me. They bring a kind of peace that people can't always provide.

 

[quietbird]

Keeping the tv or music on at a normal volume may help you. Walking in nature is great for you. Maybe joing groups/taking workshops like for birdwatching or book clubs? Local mental health centers are a great resource to connect you to help where you need it. Sometimes they offer groups you can join, or provide accessible, low cost options for therapy or medication.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I've been living alone nearly 30 years. Been 100% alone in life for past 4 years. There's no real "coping". You just tolerate it as best you can until you no longer can, which is coming closer and closer for me.

 

[evans]

Keeping the tv or music on at a normal volume may help you. Walking in nature is great for you. Maybe joing groups/taking workshops like for birdwatching or book clubs? Local mental health centers are a great resource to connect you to help where you need it. Sometimes they offer groups you can join, or provide accessible, low cost options for therapy or medication.

i've thought about clubs but there seem to not be any less than an hour+ (most 2hrs drive) away. i go to an event some of my friends go to every now and then but driving 4 hours a day is hard on my body. i do birdwatching and reading on my own. i've really looked for a bookclub because i think it would be really cool but nothing. ive tried looking for local community on facebook, instagram, meetup, even fetlife. come up dry or find remnants of disbanded groups most times. i used to host events and parties but i'm very burnt out and ended up with a circle of people using me. i've been institutionalised multiple times (mostly voluntarily & was me seeking help) but ended up experiencing more abuse and ignorance in these facilities than anything. i've been on over 15 different antidepressants since i was 12 and had testing done and it seems like my body doesn't metabolise any of them well. i've called and emailed therapists and inpatient centres, pretty much every one in my state. and they all were full, didn't want to take my case due to the complexities, gave up on me/referred me to "someone more experienced" that either ghosts me or does the same routine. i've been in therapy longer than i haven't. nobody seems to want to do complex trauma cases. i used to go to a group held by one of my old therapists which was nice. but she retired due to old age. i never found lasting friendships there, or in school, or previous jobs. i never made friends in any of these environments in the first place because i'm usually too focused on work/studies when there. in the group and my friends typically would come to me with troubles/wanting advice and that's sort of been what i've been to people for most of my life. i don't mind it, it does feel fulfilling helping people, but it gets draining when i have nobody of my own to turn to. parents dead/gone by the time i was 18. my degree is in psychology because i hoped i would be able to help people in the system that only wronged me. but i haven't been able to get myself in a place that's "good enough" where it would be ethical for me to try and get licensed, and i feel i will never be there even in the time it would take for me to finish my masters degree.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I would love living alone. But I understand it can be very difficult for others. I honestly don't have any advice, because I'm jealous, and that doesn't help you. The privacy, the control, not having to clean up after other people, sounds wonderful.

 

[evans]

I'm really sorry about your dog and your cat :(

I think if you ever really decide to catch the bus, you could always try adjusting your plan to make sure your pet is taken to a shelter or left with someone you trust.

In the end, I think having an animal around will always be better for me. They bring a kind of peace that people can't always provide.

i am looking at cats on craigslist now. i used to work for an animal shelter and am pro-adoption but i'd rather rehome an animal since most shelters are full and it's storm season. so i'd rather them not be released where it's raining and windy almost all day. i'm not 100% sure on doing it, i haven't reached out to anyone. there is a very cute orange boy that's 2 years old. i am worried since i travel on occasion but i know a vet near me that offers affordable boarding i would use for my dog. so i think that will be okay. i am so nervous about "being a good pet owner" my dog had to be euthanised due to her age and health issues. so i am scared of something happening to the prospective cat, but i know that is one of the facts of pet ownership.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sort of the reverse in that I enjoy living alone. I do like to have stuff on in the background though- I also work from home but- anything really- music, films, box sets, pod casts. I haven't suffered the same as you have with sexual assaults- etc. I'm so sorry to hear about that. I've mostly just experienced people being unreliable or exploitative. But, even that tends to remind me I'm probably better off without them. Being ok alone is definitely something I've become more and more accustomed to as time went on.

 

[bankai]

I've been living alone in a three bedroom house for around 20 years now. Yes, it does get lonely. I've considered getting a pet, but I'm not sure how I can keep the pet at home when I go for work. I've looked at both Ragdoll Persian cats and Scottish munchkins

I think Scottish munchkins are just an abomination though. Yes, they're cute, but they've been bred with a variety of health issues


Not able to pull the trigger on a pet yet though.

What's interesting is I have I've had every single pet type under the sun growing up. Birds, dogs, fish, rabbits, etcetera.

One day though.one day

 

[evans]

I would love living alone. But I understand it can be very difficult for others. I honestly don't have any advice, because I'm jealous, and that doesn't help you. The privacy, the control, not having to clean up after other people, sounds wonderful.

i think most people would rather live alone. i like taking care of and looking after people, i find the only way i feel okay with my own existence is if i can be "useful" if that makes sense. having nobody to look after or that i can help with things leaves me with a feeling of unfulfillment

 

[ForsakenEcho]

i am looking at cats on craigslist now. i used to work for an animal shelter and am pro-adoption but i'd rather rehome an animal since most shelters are full and it's storm season. so i'd rather them not be released where it's raining and windy almost all day. i'm not 100% sure on doing it, i haven't reached out to anyone. there is a very cute orange boy that's 2 years old. i am worried since i travel on occasion but i know a vet near me that offers affordable boarding i would use for my dog. so i think that will be okay. i am so nervous about "being a good pet owner" my dog had to be euthanised due to her age and health issues. so i am scared of something happening to the prospective cat, but i know that is one of the facts of pet ownership.

I totally understand the worry about not being the best pet owner — it took me some time to feel comfortable and to really get the hang of taking care of her the way she needs.

But honestly, if you do decide to get a pet, I'm sure they'd be much happier and better off with you than in a shelter.

 

[convulsevasti]

hi, i have been living on my own for the longest period of my life currently. i moved away from my parents as a teenager, but i have always had roommates or someone i was dating living with me. i find it very terrifying. yes i have psychosis. haven't been able to get on any medication that has helped yet. i am more calm when there is noise in my house. (my old housemates were always louder than me, which i didn't mind) but then i get paranoid my neighbours will be upset or call the police about my volume being loud. (my volume isn't loud. my neighbours wouldn't care anyways. i know i am irrational.) i am very scared of people. i have been raped & sexually assaulted more times than i can recall. and all my friends have become distant or have moved away. i have tried to go out and meet people, but every time i've gone out on my own i've been sexually harassed. (i am a short woman) and i have no friends to go out with me. now i just i try to walk in nature so i don't become a shut-in. i had a therapist come to my house when i was a child for having autism and agoraphobia but i don't remember much. so i think me getting new roommates is out of the question due to how i am. also if i ctb i wouldn't want any roommate to witness/have to deal with that.

so does anyone know how to become more comfortable in my own home? and being okay with being alone? how do i make friends in my mid twenties? what if i don't only want to go to clubs/bars? how do i deal with the guilt associated with making connections knowing i will inevitably end my life? i have graduated college and work from home. this is my first thread here. sorry if anything is strangely written or confusing.

I am sorry about your experience, similar to your living situation, also a young person living alone.