Venting Confused in identity/sexuality

[HellinHeaven]

Did you have your father growing up?

yes, but I had never a deep contact to him (exect in early childhood). He wasn't emotional accessible for me and I never made a profund talk to him. He got a severe disease which handicaped him and I was so overchallenged (I was about five) I tried with force to replace him, because he was weak. My mother was leading the family and she tried to tame me with attachment therapy, that means she lay on me with force, until I got quiet and made no noise. My dad was passive, as mostly in his life. I despised him many years, but meanwhile I understand that this was all he learned from his das and this was his way of coping with life for him. He was never a male paragon for me.

 

[Eren]

yes, but I had never a deep contact to him (exect in early childhood). He wasn't emotional accessible for me and I never made a profund talk to him. He got a severe disease which handicaped him and I was so overchallenged (I was about five) I tried with force to replace him, because he was weak. My mother was leading the family and she tried to tame me with attachment therapy, that means she lay on me with force, until I got quiet and made no noise. My dad was passive, as mostly in his life. I despised him many years, but meanwhile I understand that this was all he learned from his das and this was his way of coping with life for him. He was never a male paragon for me.

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

[deathbycakes]

Some who already know me here know that one of my reasons is loneliness, I really feel alone.

Something that I have not dared to say until now is that I also have a lot of confusion about my identity/sexuality, I'm not gay or bisexual, it's really much more complex than that, basically my current state prevents me from having a partner and a "normal" sex life.

In fact if I was gay or bisexual I would have no problem, I could have a partner (male or female) and I would be happy, but that's not my "problem", I'm not asexual either, I'm ashamed to tell the details and I also do not clarify myself, I hate myself.

This is one of my main reasons for CTB, I've always said here in SS that I'm straight, and it's really not a lie, I like girls but I have a big head on this topic.

I hope I have not offended anyone, I just want to vent on how I feel, and also forgiveness if I was not always 100% honest about my sexuality, it is a topic that I find it hard to talk about.

hi, maybe you're like me. i'm demisexual, meaning i can only love and have sexual connection with only one special person (that i have to know and be comfortable with from many years).

when you found it, and its not gonna be easy finding one, the world will be beautiful and you can find joy in almost everything, well that's what i felt anyway. but when you lose it (in my case he passes away), you'd want to die even more than before. so..its more like a double edge sword i guess.

i hope whatever your sexuality is, one day you can find your better half :)

 

[Eren]

hi, maybe you're like me. i'm demisexual, meaning i can only love and have sexual connection with only one special person (that i have to know and be comfortable with from many years).

when you found it, and its not gonna be easy finding one, the world will be beautiful and you can find joy in almost everything, well that's what i felt anyway. but when you lose it (in my case he passes away), you'd want to die even more than before. so..its more like a double edge sword i guess.

i hope whatever your sexuality is, one day you can find your better half :)

Thanks! hugs