was going to use my SN this weekend, but have been extremely nauseous and throwing up the entire time. today's essentially the last day I can kill myself this year.
i am hung over my past, that I lost due to my last SN attempt. but I'm in a different country now, with almost no legal consequences but cannot say the same for physical ones.
my last attempt was to escape an abusive situation I was in. this has now turned to escaping from my life in general. i was the star student, ranked nationally both in my own and residential country. ive been in the same grade for three years, because I've been unable to sit for my finals. my entire sense of identity has always been about my academic potential, i have severe BPD and identity shifts due to my schizoaffective dx. it's killing me, every single day to wake up to everyone's disappointment, especially my own, with the life I lead. i always knew I was not JEE material, i have no where to go because I cannot even complete my basic schooling education. sorry to say, but even my most dumbest of friends are doing well in college. while I can't get past the bare minimum. this is a major factor playing in my suicidal ideation at the minute.
i am hung over my past, that I lost due to my last SN attempt. but I'm in a different country now, with almost no legal consequences but cannot say the same for physical ones.
my last attempt was to escape an abusive situation I was in. this has now turned to escaping from my life in general. i was the star student, ranked nationally both in my own and residential country. ive been in the same grade for three years, because I've been unable to sit for my finals. my entire sense of identity has always been about my academic potential, i have severe BPD and identity shifts due to my schizoaffective dx. it's killing me, every single day to wake up to everyone's disappointment, especially my own, with the life I lead. i always knew I was not JEE material, i have no where to go because I cannot even complete my basic schooling education. sorry to say, but even my most dumbest of friends are doing well in college. while I can't get past the bare minimum. this is a major factor playing in my suicidal ideation at the minute.
