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slightoverlooked

slightoverlooked

Student
Dec 27, 2023
182
I have been incredibly lonely since I was born. Even while being surrounded by people. I always felt this indescribable loneliness deep inside my chest. Sure I have friends…close friends even. Friends I love unconditionally but is there really anyone who loves me unconditionally outside my family?

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

All the people around me never notice when I feel bad and when I heavily self destruct to cope with this feeling.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

Many people say I am beautiful. But anytime I look into a mirror I believed that it might be my appearance why no one loved me.

So I started to hate what I saw in the mirror. I feel touch starved, craving intimacy but it would never feel right to be intimate with someone that didn't love me. Am even capable of loving?

I am losing hope. But I can't accept this fate. When will this end?

For some reason, only self-destruction helps me forget this feeling for a bit.

When I finish my degree it will be a good thing to leave behind..

I dont know if there is a way out of this. I am very independent. I dont need anyone. I always took care of myself and I can build a life for myself.

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection. This is so cringe. I hate myself. But if I stay lonely forever I will be so ashamed for life. Ppl already blame me for not having a boyfriend and not being engaged yet (im almost 22). I just havent found anyone I am actually interested in. I never had an actual crush. Maybe its rlly my fault. Dying is easier.

I am very extroverted and social and appear as very happy and lively on the outside. I would even say im generally liked. I have hobbies and interests with big communities and I always connect with new ppl. Idk. Maybe its just not my time yet or I am just pathetic and should die. I wish I could kms after finishing my bachelors degree.

sorry for venting on recovery i still consider myself in recovery for now. i want to keep pushing at least till im 25. also my situation is weird i think cuz I am very social and have very good quality friends who I love dearly.
 
N

noname223

Angelic
Aug 18, 2020
4,332
I have been incredibly lonely since I was born. Even while being surrounded by people. I always felt this indescribable loneliness deep inside my chest. Sure I have friends…close friends even. Friends I love unconditionally but is there really anyone who loves me unconditionally outside my family?

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

All the people around me never notice when I feel bad and when I heavily self destruct to cope with this feeling.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

Many people say I am beautiful. But anytime I look into a mirror I believed that it might be my appearance why no one loved me.

So I started to hate what I saw in the mirror. I feel touch starved, craving intimacy but it would never feel right to be intimate with someone that didn't love me. Am even capable of loving?

I am losing hope. But I can't accept this fate. When will this end?

For some reason, only self-destruction helps me forget this feeling for a bit.

When I finish my degree it will be a good thing to leave behind..

I dont know if there is a way out of this. I am very independent. I dont need anyone. I always took care of myself and I can build a life for myself.

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection. This is so cringe. I hate myself. But if I stay lonely forever I will be so ashamed for life. Ppl already blame me for not having a boyfriend and not being engaged yet (im almost 22). I just havent found anyone I am actually interested in. I never had an actual crush. Maybe its rlly my fault. Dying is easier.

I am very extroverted and social and appear as very happy and lively on the outside. I would even say im generally liked. I have hobbies and interests with big communities and I always connect with new ppl. Idk. Maybe its just not my time yet or I am just pathetic and should die. I wish I could kms after finishing my bachelors degree.

sorry for venting on recovery i still consider myself in recovery for now. i want to keep pushing at least till im 25. also my situation is weird i think cuz I am very social and have very good quality friends who I love dearly.
To be honest I could relate to this post so fucking much. I never was in a relationship in my whole fucking life despite the fact I crave so fucking much for it. I feel very ashamed because of it I am in my mid-twenties. The constant loneliness (I call it existential loneliness) is soulcrushing and increasingly unbearable. True mutual love is on my bucket list of the things I want to experience before I kill myself. I hope it could even prevent my suicide. I really feel deep emotional pain being this lonely. I have very close friends but it is not the same when I hug them. I also struggle with my weight but it is rather atypical anorexia which means I am obsessed by my weight but not underweight.

I have been through severe bullying at school when I was a teenager too before I lost all the weight. I was physically (not sexually) abused by my mother over a decade starting at the age of 5. I want to postpone or even prevent my suicide for the sake of my friends and family. I struggle at college because of my mental anguish.

I could very well relate to some of your other posts. I am also from Germany. If you want to I could message you with a DM (or vice versa). I am male and in one of your older threads you expressed that you are not into men and not straight but I think an exchange of thoughts could still be interesting because we are haunted by similar demons. If you don't want to that's okay. I am a longterm member as you can see. I think you replied in my "Bullshit takes on Israel" thread.
 
slightoverlooked

slightoverlooked

Student
Dec 27, 2023
182
To be honest I could relate to this post so fucking much. I never was in a relationship in my whole fucking life despite the fact I crave so fucking much for it. I feel very ashamed because of it I am in my mid-twenties. The constant loneliness (I call it existential loneliness) is soulcrushing and increasingly unbearable. True mutual love is on my bucket list of the things I want to experience before I kill myself. I hope it could even prevent my suicide. I really feel deep emotional pain being this lonely. I have very close friends but it is not the same when I hug them. I also struggle with my weight but it is rather atypical anorexia which means I am obsessed by my weight but not underweight.

I have been through severe bullying at school when I was a teenager too before I lost all the weight. I was physically (not sexually) abused by my mother over a decade starting at the age of 5. I want to postpone or even prevent my suicide for the sake of my friends and family. I struggle at college because of my mental anguish.

I could very well relate to some of your other posts. I am also from Germany. If you want to I could message you with a DM (or vice versa). I am male and in one of your older threads you expressed that you are not into men and not straight but I think an exchange of thoughts could still be interesting because we are haunted by similar demons. If you don't want to that's okay. I am a longterm member as you can see. I think you replied in my "Bullshit takes on Israel" thread.
man :(( im so sorry to hear u relate to my post.

I have the same wish but simultaneously, I'm so scared of being dependent. I also don't believe I am ready for a relationship anyway but ig the human desire is there. My old "friend group" told me that they can't believe anyone liking me romantically.
Also, I am not straight but also not lesbian. I have no label but bc of my surroundings I will never date a woman. So ig I am straight lmao.

And yes my dms r open!
 
T

ThatStateOfMind

Elementalist
Nov 13, 2021
803
I have been incredibly lonely since I was born. Even while being surrounded by people. I always felt this indescribable loneliness deep inside my chest. Sure I have friends…close friends even. Friends I love unconditionally but is there really anyone who loves me unconditionally outside my family?

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

All the people around me never notice when I feel bad and when I heavily self destruct to cope with this feeling.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

Many people say I am beautiful. But anytime I look into a mirror I believed that it might be my appearance why no one loved me.

So I started to hate what I saw in the mirror. I feel touch starved, craving intimacy but it would never feel right to be intimate with someone that didn't love me. Am even capable of loving?

I am losing hope. But I can't accept this fate. When will this end?

For some reason, only self-destruction helps me forget this feeling for a bit.

When I finish my degree it will be a good thing to leave behind..

I dont know if there is a way out of this. I am very independent. I dont need anyone. I always took care of myself and I can build a life for myself.

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection. This is so cringe. I hate myself. But if I stay lonely forever I will be so ashamed for life. Ppl already blame me for not having a boyfriend and not being engaged yet (im almost 22). I just havent found anyone I am actually interested in. I never had an actual crush. Maybe its rlly my fault. Dying is easier.

I am very extroverted and social and appear as very happy and lively on the outside. I would even say im generally liked. I have hobbies and interests with big communities and I always connect with new ppl. Idk. Maybe its just not my time yet or I am just pathetic and should die. I wish I could kms after finishing my bachelors degree.

sorry for venting on recovery i still consider myself in recovery for now. i want to keep pushing at least till im 25. also my situation is weird i think cuz I am very social and have very good quality friends who I love dearly.
I completely understand that feeling. Can't say I experience it anymore, I am still single, still lonely, but less obsessed about it now. I recently cut off an ex with the support of a good friend I met here.

It's awful that you have been hit on and stalked, not to mention people hounding you for not being with someone. IMO, 22 is WAY too young to get engaged, but that is just my take. I believe, at 22, you can be committed to your partner, but you're not done developing, so engaging at that age just feels too soon. It also shouldn't matter if you're with anybody, as that is nobody's business besides your own.

My old "friend group" told me that they can't believe anyone liking me romantically.
Those "friends" sound like shitty people. I'm glad they're an "old friend group" rather than current.
 
slightoverlooked

slightoverlooked

Student
Dec 27, 2023
182
I completely understand that feeling. Can't say I experience it anymore, I am still single, still lonely, but less obsessed about it now. I recently cut off an ex with the support of a good friend I met here.

It's awful that you have been hit on and stalked, not to mention people hounding you for not being with someone. IMO, 22 is WAY too young to get engaged, but that is just my take. I believe, at 22, you can be committed to your partner, but you're not done developing, so engaging at that age just feels too soon. It also shouldn't matter if you're with anybody, as that is nobody's business besides your own.


Those "friends" sound like shitty people. I'm glad they're an "old friend group" rather than current.
I am glad you could cut off that ex :((🫂

Yeah honestly its stressing me out sm. Relationship and marriage is always a topic in my surrounding and environment. I am just sick of it but even when I self isolate (I did for a whole year) it never leaves my mind.
I just wish I could have a partner I feel safe with.
All the people that hit on me on parties made me feel disgusted with myself tbh. It was so obviously with the intention to just have a one night stand. And the guy who stalked me…yeah idk I try to not think about it lmao.
Since the people in my past made fun of me and the ppl in the present r so in my business and give me the fault for being alone I just feel like im a failure for still being alone. Everything always has been my fault since I am a child and I feel like this is my fault as well.

Yeah those old friends bullied me and also said stuff like that I am too ugly for pictures lmao
 
return.

return.

Member
Feb 4, 2024
43
I also have been lonely since I was born. The difference between me and you though is that you have had close friends. You have people that might actually like you. I think the only person who loves me unconditionally is my dad but besides that I don't think anyone really loves me unconditionally. I have other family, but I rarely see them. I don't think I'm worthy of love either. There are many reasons why but I won't bother you with them.

It's strange reading your post because while I can relate to feeling lonely your entire life I don't relate to the social life you have. I literally cannot fathom the possibility that someone other than my dad can love me unconditionally lol, but even that I'm skeptical about.

I have a question. Even though you have people that you love, do you sometimes wish you never had these friends to begin with, or are you grateful for these experiences?

There's many thoughts running through my head but I can't really put them all down right now.
 
lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
396
brains not done growing until 25. society likes to have this whole "have all your shit together and figured out by 22 (or degree)" thing but seriously fuck that. longterm interpersonal relationships take time and trust and maturity. youre worthy of real love 🖤

ps anyone that bugs you for being single is a fucking inconsiderate asshole who needs to mind their own business and you should tell them as such
 
Last edited:
slightoverlooked

slightoverlooked

Student
Dec 27, 2023
182
I also have been lonely since I was born. The difference between me and you though is that you have had close friends. You have people that might actually like you. I think the only person who loves me unconditionally is my dad but besides that I don't think anyone really loves me unconditionally. I have other family, but I rarely see them. I don't think I'm worthy of love either. There are many reasons why but I won't bother you with them.

It's strange reading your post because while I can relate to feeling lonely your entire life I don't relate to the social life you have. I literally cannot fathom the possibility that someone other than my dad can love me unconditionally lol, but even that I'm skeptical about.

I have a question. Even though you have people that you love, do you sometimes wish you never had these friends to begin with, or are you grateful for these experiences?

There's many thoughts running through my head but I can't really put them all down right now.
I am glad you have your dad and I am sure he loves you unconditionally.

To be honest I am not sure if my friends love me unconditionally but they have been great to me. I had horrible friends for 19 years of my life but in the past 2 years I met amazing people.

Most of the time I wish that everyone would hate me. Especially my mother. Back then before my suicide attempt we didn't have the closest relationship. She wasn't the nicest to me and always said I'm the snake of our family. I believed they hated me. So the decision to kill myself came very easy to me. But now we have been working on our relationship and my mom understood why i was that way.
I wish I could still believe she hates me so I could ctb.
I am 100 percent grateful for everything. For my family and my friends. I love them. But sometimes I get mad bc they want me to stay alive but they dont know how it is to live inside my skin. But I only have this thought when I'm not doing good. I dont understand why they love me. But I am grateful for it and I cant blame them for wanting someone close to them to stay alive...I want the same for the people I love.
brains not done growing until 25. society likes to have this whole "have all your shit together and figured out by 22 (or degree)" thing but seriously fuck that. longterm interpersonal relationships take time and trust and maturity. youre worthy of real love 🖤

ps anyone that bugs you for being single is a fucking inconsiderate asshole who needs to mind their own business and you should tell them as such
Thank you :(( In my culture and my surroundings its normal to have a partner and be married early :(( My kindergarten friend (same age as me) is getting engaged soon and everyone keeps comparing us and its killing me. I never had a partner and idk if it will ever happen.
 
lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
396
Thank you :(( In my culture and my surroundings its normal to have a partner and be married early :(( My kindergarten friend (same age as me) is getting engaged soon and everyone keeps comparing us and its killing me. I never had a partner and idk if it will ever happen.
i would honestly ask anyone that compares you to someone else if you not being on the exact same timeline, mental path and lifestyle makes you as a human being less valid than who youre being compared to. theyll likely get flustered and either apologetic or defensive but either way you can say "im my own human woth my own life to live. comparisons like this only invalidate me, isolate me and make me feel less worthy so please think about what youre saying to others or better yet stop commenting on others lives altogether."

im so sorry youre stuck in an ass backwards culture where its still common to get married before brains are even done developing :( 🖤
 
Adûnâi

Adûnâi

Little Russian in-cel
Apr 25, 2020
818
When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection.
Do you mean that you haven't found a person with common interests? You seem like you can try out plenty of relationships to test different kinds of people.

I for one have never had any friend, and the only "unconditional love" I'm getting is from my mom who cooks for me. I do wish I could experience the basics of heterosexual relationships such as handholding, although I'm not sure whether that's what I really need - because again, I can't really imagine what it even feels like in actuality. Have you had anything like that to compare it to? Like, did you just not find it sufficient, so you need specific requirements?

I for one can imagine that a boring person would make anything of the sort soul-crushingly dull.... But then again, I have never experienced any physicality, so many the touch is so powerful, I could overlook character incompatibility. No idea.
 
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slightoverlooked

slightoverlooked

Student
Dec 27, 2023
182
i would honestly ask anyone that compares you to someone else if you not being on the exact same timeline, mental path and lifestyle makes you as a human being less valid than who youre being compared to. theyll likely get flustered and either apologetic or defensive but either way you can say "im my own human woth my own life to live. comparisons like this only invalidate me, isolate me and make me feel less worthy so please think about what youre saying to others or better yet stop commenting on others lives altogether."

im so sorry youre stuck in an ass backwards culture where its still common to get married before brains are even done developing :( 🖤
Thank you for your words :((
 
return.

return.

Member
Feb 4, 2024
43
I am glad you have your dad and I am sure he loves you unconditionally.

To be honest I am not sure if my friends love me unconditionally but they have been great to me. I had horrible friends for 19 years of my life but in the past 2 years I met amazing people.

Most of the time I wish that everyone would hate me. Especially my mother. Back then before my suicide attempt we didn't have the closest relationship. She wasn't the nicest to me and always said I'm the snake of our family. I believed they hated me. So the decision to kill myself came very easy to me. But now we have been working on our relationship and my mom understood why i was that way.
I wish I could still believe she hates me so I could ctb.
I am 100 percent grateful for everything. For my family and my friends. I love them. But sometimes I get mad bc they want me to stay alive but they dont know how it is to live inside my skin. But I only have this thought when I'm not doing good. I dont understand why they love me. But I am grateful for it and I cant blame them for wanting someone close to them to stay alive...I want the same for the people I love.
That's good to hear. It's definitely hard to ctb when the people around you want you to live. I don't want to suffer, but it'd be morally corrupt to still ctb even with the people around me wanting to be alive, at least in my opinion. It feels like a waste to even think of suicide.
 
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