chronic (romantic) loneliness

[slightoverlooked]

I have been incredibly lonely since I was born. Even while being surrounded by people. I always felt this indescribable loneliness deep inside my chest. Sure I have friends…close friends even. Friends I love unconditionally but is there really anyone who loves me unconditionally outside my family?

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

All the people around me never notice when I feel bad and when I heavily self destruct to cope with this feeling.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

Many people say I am beautiful. But anytime I look into a mirror I believed that it might be my appearance why no one loved me.

So I started to hate what I saw in the mirror. I feel touch starved, craving intimacy but it would never feel right to be intimate with someone that didn't love me. Am even capable of loving?

I am losing hope. But I can't accept this fate. When will this end?

For some reason, only self-destruction helps me forget this feeling for a bit.

When I finish my degree it will be a good thing to leave behind..

I dont know if there is a way out of this. I am very independent. I dont need anyone. I always took care of myself and I can build a life for myself.

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection. This is so cringe. I hate myself. But if I stay lonely forever I will be so ashamed for life. Ppl already blame me for not having a boyfriend and not being engaged yet (im almost 22). I just havent found anyone I am actually interested in. I never had an actual crush. Maybe its rlly my fault. Dying is easier.

I am very extroverted and social and appear as very happy and lively on the outside. I would even say im generally liked. I have hobbies and interests with big communities and I always connect with new ppl. Idk. Maybe its just not my time yet or I am just pathetic and should die. I wish I could kms after finishing my bachelors degree.

sorry for venting on recovery i still consider myself in recovery for now. i want to keep pushing at least till im 25. also my situation is weird i think cuz I am very social and have very good quality friends who I love dearly.

 

[noname223]

I have been incredibly lonely since I was born. Even while being surrounded by people. I always felt this indescribable loneliness deep inside my chest. Sure I have friends…close friends even. Friends I love unconditionally but is there really anyone who loves me unconditionally outside my family?

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

All the people around me never notice when I feel bad and when I heavily self destruct to cope with this feeling.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

Many people say I am beautiful. But anytime I look into a mirror I believed that it might be my appearance why no one loved me.

So I started to hate what I saw in the mirror. I feel touch starved, craving intimacy but it would never feel right to be intimate with someone that didn't love me. Am even capable of loving?

I am losing hope. But I can't accept this fate. When will this end?

For some reason, only self-destruction helps me forget this feeling for a bit.

When I finish my degree it will be a good thing to leave behind..

I dont know if there is a way out of this. I am very independent. I dont need anyone. I always took care of myself and I can build a life for myself.

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection. This is so cringe. I hate myself. But if I stay lonely forever I will be so ashamed for life. Ppl already blame me for not having a boyfriend and not being engaged yet (im almost 22). I just havent found anyone I am actually interested in. I never had an actual crush. Maybe its rlly my fault. Dying is easier.

I am very extroverted and social and appear as very happy and lively on the outside. I would even say im generally liked. I have hobbies and interests with big communities and I always connect with new ppl. Idk. Maybe its just not my time yet or I am just pathetic and should die. I wish I could kms after finishing my bachelors degree.

sorry for venting on recovery i still consider myself in recovery for now. i want to keep pushing at least till im 25. also my situation is weird i think cuz I am very social and have very good quality friends who I love dearly.

To be honest I could relate to this post so fucking much. I never was in a relationship in my whole fucking life despite the fact I crave so fucking much for it. I feel very ashamed because of it I am in my mid-twenties. The constant loneliness (I call it existential loneliness) is soulcrushing and increasingly unbearable. True mutual love is on my bucket list of the things I want to experience before I kill myself. I hope it could even prevent my suicide. I really feel deep emotional pain being this lonely. I have very close friends but it is not the same when I hug them. I also struggle with my weight but it is rather atypical anorexia which means I am obsessed by my weight but not underweight.

I have been through severe bullying at school when I was a teenager too before I lost all the weight. I was physically (not sexually) abused by my mother over a decade starting at the age of 5. I want to postpone or even prevent my suicide for the sake of my friends and family. I struggle at college because of my mental anguish.

I could very well relate to some of your other posts. I am also from Germany. If you want to I could message you with a DM (or vice versa). I am male and in one of your older threads you expressed that you are not into men and not straight but I think an exchange of thoughts could still be interesting because we are haunted by similar demons. If you don't want to that's okay. I am a longterm member as you can see. I think you replied in my "Bullshit takes on Israel" thread.

 

[slightoverlooked]

To be honest I could relate to this post so fucking much. I never was in a relationship in my whole fucking life despite the fact I crave so fucking much for it. I feel very ashamed because of it I am in my mid-twenties. The constant loneliness (I call it existential loneliness) is soulcrushing and increasingly unbearable. True mutual love is on my bucket list of the things I want to experience before I kill myself. I hope it could even prevent my suicide. I really feel deep emotional pain being this lonely. I have very close friends but it is not the same when I hug them. I also struggle with my weight but it is rather atypical anorexia which means I am obsessed by my weight but not underweight.

I have been through severe bullying at school when I was a teenager too before I lost all the weight. I was physically (not sexually) abused by my mother over a decade starting at the age of 5. I want to postpone or even prevent my suicide for the sake of my friends and family. I struggle at college because of my mental anguish.

I could very well relate to some of your other posts. I am also from Germany. If you want to I could message you with a DM (or vice versa). I am male and in one of your older threads you expressed that you are not into men and not straight but I think an exchange of thoughts could still be interesting because we are haunted by similar demons. If you don't want to that's okay. I am a longterm member as you can see. I think you replied in my "Bullshit takes on Israel" thread.

man :(( im so sorry to hear u relate to my post.

I have the same wish but simultaneously, I'm so scared of being dependent. I also don't believe I am ready for a relationship anyway but ig the human desire is there. My old "friend group" told me that they can't believe anyone liking me romantically.
Also, I am not straight but also not lesbian. I have no label but bc of my surroundings I will never date a woman. So ig I am straight lmao.

And yes my dms r open!

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I have been incredibly lonely since I was born. Even while being surrounded by people. I always felt this indescribable loneliness deep inside my chest. Sure I have friends…close friends even. Friends I love unconditionally but is there really anyone who loves me unconditionally outside my family?

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

All the people around me never notice when I feel bad and when I heavily self destruct to cope with this feeling.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

Many people say I am beautiful. But anytime I look into a mirror I believed that it might be my appearance why no one loved me.

So I started to hate what I saw in the mirror. I feel touch starved, craving intimacy but it would never feel right to be intimate with someone that didn't love me. Am even capable of loving?

I am losing hope. But I can't accept this fate. When will this end?

For some reason, only self-destruction helps me forget this feeling for a bit.

When I finish my degree it will be a good thing to leave behind..

I dont know if there is a way out of this. I am very independent. I dont need anyone. I always took care of myself and I can build a life for myself.

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection. This is so cringe. I hate myself. But if I stay lonely forever I will be so ashamed for life. Ppl already blame me for not having a boyfriend and not being engaged yet (im almost 22). I just havent found anyone I am actually interested in. I never had an actual crush. Maybe its rlly my fault. Dying is easier.

I am very extroverted and social and appear as very happy and lively on the outside. I would even say im generally liked. I have hobbies and interests with big communities and I always connect with new ppl. Idk. Maybe its just not my time yet or I am just pathetic and should die. I wish I could kms after finishing my bachelors degree.

sorry for venting on recovery i still consider myself in recovery for now. i want to keep pushing at least till im 25. also my situation is weird i think cuz I am very social and have very good quality friends who I love dearly.

I completely understand that feeling. Can't say I experience it anymore, I am still single, still lonely, but less obsessed about it now. I recently cut off an ex with the support of a good friend I met here.

It's awful that you have been hit on and stalked, not to mention people hounding you for not being with someone. IMO, 22 is WAY too young to get engaged, but that is just my take. I believe, at 22, you can be committed to your partner, but you're not done developing, so engaging at that age just feels too soon. It also shouldn't matter if you're with anybody, as that is nobody's business besides your own.

My old "friend group" told me that they can't believe anyone liking me romantically.

Those "friends" sound like shitty people. I'm glad they're an "old friend group" rather than current.

 

[slightoverlooked]

I completely understand that feeling. Can't say I experience it anymore, I am still single, still lonely, but less obsessed about it now. I recently cut off an ex with the support of a good friend I met here.

It's awful that you have been hit on and stalked, not to mention people hounding you for not being with someone. IMO, 22 is WAY too young to get engaged, but that is just my take. I believe, at 22, you can be committed to your partner, but you're not done developing, so engaging at that age just feels too soon. It also shouldn't matter if you're with anybody, as that is nobody's business besides your own.


Those "friends" sound like shitty people. I'm glad they're an "old friend group" rather than current.

I am glad you could cut off that ex :((

Yeah honestly its stressing me out sm. Relationship and marriage is always a topic in my surrounding and environment. I am just sick of it but even when I self isolate (I did for a whole year) it never leaves my mind.
I just wish I could have a partner I feel safe with.
All the people that hit on me on parties made me feel disgusted with myself tbh. It was so obviously with the intention to just have a one night stand. And the guy who stalked me…yeah idk I try to not think about it lmao.
Since the people in my past made fun of me and the ppl in the present r so in my business and give me the fault for being alone I just feel like im a failure for still being alone. Everything always has been my fault since I am a child and I feel like this is my fault as well.

Yeah those old friends bullied me and also said stuff like that I am too ugly for pictures lmao

 

[Ironborn]

Been alone my entire life, every now and then try to socialise but then come to the realisation that I just don't like other people.

 

[return.]

I also have been lonely since I was born. The difference between me and you though is that you have had close friends. You have people that might actually like you. I think the only person who loves me unconditionally is my dad but besides that I don't think anyone really loves me unconditionally. I have other family, but I rarely see them. I don't think I'm worthy of love either. There are many reasons why but I won't bother you with them.

It's strange reading your post because while I can relate to feeling lonely your entire life I don't relate to the social life you have. I literally cannot fathom the possibility that someone other than my dad can love me unconditionally lol, but even that I'm skeptical about.

I have a question. Even though you have people that you love, do you sometimes wish you never had these friends to begin with, or are you grateful for these experiences?

There's many thoughts running through my head but I can't really put them all down right now.

 

[lita-lassi]

brains not done growing until 25. society likes to have this whole "have all your shit together and figured out by 22 (or degree)" thing but seriously fuck that. longterm interpersonal relationships take time and trust and maturity. youre worthy of real love

ps anyone that bugs you for being single is a fucking inconsiderate asshole who needs to mind their own business and you should tell them as such

 

[slightoverlooked]

I also have been lonely since I was born. The difference between me and you though is that you have had close friends. You have people that might actually like you. I think the only person who loves me unconditionally is my dad but besides that I don't think anyone really loves me unconditionally. I have other family, but I rarely see them. I don't think I'm worthy of love either. There are many reasons why but I won't bother you with them.

It's strange reading your post because while I can relate to feeling lonely your entire life I don't relate to the social life you have. I literally cannot fathom the possibility that someone other than my dad can love me unconditionally lol, but even that I'm skeptical about.

I have a question. Even though you have people that you love, do you sometimes wish you never had these friends to begin with, or are you grateful for these experiences?

There's many thoughts running through my head but I can't really put them all down right now.

I am glad you have your dad and I am sure he loves you unconditionally.

To be honest I am not sure if my friends love me unconditionally but they have been great to me. I had horrible friends for 19 years of my life but in the past 2 years I met amazing people.

Most of the time I wish that everyone would hate me. Especially my mother. Back then before my suicide attempt we didn't have the closest relationship. She wasn't the nicest to me and always said I'm the snake of our family. I believed they hated me. So the decision to kill myself came very easy to me. But now we have been working on our relationship and my mom understood why i was that way.
I wish I could still believe she hates me so I could ctb.
I am 100 percent grateful for everything. For my family and my friends. I love them. But sometimes I get mad bc they want me to stay alive but they dont know how it is to live inside my skin. But I only have this thought when I'm not doing good. I dont understand why they love me. But I am grateful for it and I cant blame them for wanting someone close to them to stay alive...I want the same for the people I love.

brains not done growing until 25. society likes to have this whole "have all your shit together and figured out by 22 (or degree)" thing but seriously fuck that. longterm interpersonal relationships take time and trust and maturity. youre worthy of real love

ps anyone that bugs you for being single is a fucking inconsiderate asshole who needs to mind their own business and you should tell them as such

Thank you :(( In my culture and my surroundings its normal to have a partner and be married early :(( My kindergarten friend (same age as me) is getting engaged soon and everyone keeps comparing us and its killing me. I never had a partner and idk if it will ever happen.

 

[lita-lassi]

Thank you :(( In my culture and my surroundings its normal to have a partner and be married early :(( My kindergarten friend (same age as me) is getting engaged soon and everyone keeps comparing us and its killing me. I never had a partner and idk if it will ever happen.

i would honestly ask anyone that compares you to someone else if you not being on the exact same timeline, mental path and lifestyle makes you as a human being less valid than who youre being compared to. theyll likely get flustered and either apologetic or defensive but either way you can say "im my own human woth my own life to live. comparisons like this only invalidate me, isolate me and make me feel less worthy so please think about what youre saying to others or better yet stop commenting on others lives altogether."

im so sorry youre stuck in an ass backwards culture where its still common to get married before brains are even done developing :(

 

[Adûnâi]

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection.

Do you mean that you haven't found a person with common interests? You seem like you can try out plenty of relationships to test different kinds of people.

I for one have never had any friend, and the only "unconditional love" I'm getting is from my mom who cooks for me. I do wish I could experience the basics of heterosexual relationships such as handholding, although I'm not sure whether that's what I really need - because again, I can't really imagine what it even feels like in actuality. Have you had anything like that to compare it to? Like, did you just not find it sufficient, so you need specific requirements?

I for one can imagine that a boring person would make anything of the sort soul-crushingly dull.... But then again, I have never experienced any physicality, so many the touch is so powerful, I could overlook character incompatibility. No idea.

 

[slightoverlooked]

i would honestly ask anyone that compares you to someone else if you not being on the exact same timeline, mental path and lifestyle makes you as a human being less valid than who youre being compared to. theyll likely get flustered and either apologetic or defensive but either way you can say "im my own human woth my own life to live. comparisons like this only invalidate me, isolate me and make me feel less worthy so please think about what youre saying to others or better yet stop commenting on others lives altogether."

im so sorry youre stuck in an ass backwards culture where its still common to get married before brains are even done developing :(

Thank you for your words :((

 

[return.]

I am glad you have your dad and I am sure he loves you unconditionally.

To be honest I am not sure if my friends love me unconditionally but they have been great to me. I had horrible friends for 19 years of my life but in the past 2 years I met amazing people.

Most of the time I wish that everyone would hate me. Especially my mother. Back then before my suicide attempt we didn't have the closest relationship. She wasn't the nicest to me and always said I'm the snake of our family. I believed they hated me. So the decision to kill myself came very easy to me. But now we have been working on our relationship and my mom understood why i was that way.
I wish I could still believe she hates me so I could ctb.
I am 100 percent grateful for everything. For my family and my friends. I love them. But sometimes I get mad bc they want me to stay alive but they dont know how it is to live inside my skin. But I only have this thought when I'm not doing good. I dont understand why they love me. But I am grateful for it and I cant blame them for wanting someone close to them to stay alive...I want the same for the people I love.

That's good to hear. It's definitely hard to ctb when the people around you want you to live. I don't want to suffer, but it'd be morally corrupt to still ctb even with the people around me wanting to be alive, at least in my opinion. It feels like a waste to even think of suicide.

 

[milquetoast]

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

i've always had those thoughts for a couple of years now, like how are they seeing things in me that i somehow don't or why do they care when i don't even see a reason for them to care as i see myself as rather bland and boring due to me being mostly quiet and constantly having to sugarcoat my thoughts as i've already been bluntly told by a friend that i was "too bleak". so it mostly feels like i have to put on an act to be normal and that very thought just makes me feel i don't deserve to be loved due to i'm not being "me" if that makes sense. apart from the self-hatred and doubt constantly making me feel that i'm being patronized if someone "cares" about me.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I'm in my 40s and haven't even kissed yet. I'm deeply ashamed of my situation and I don't really want anything from life now other than to experience love at least once.

 

[author]

I have been incredibly lonely since I was born. Even while being surrounded by people. I always felt this indescribable loneliness deep inside my chest. Sure I have friends…close friends even. Friends I love unconditionally but is there really anyone who loves me unconditionally outside my family?

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

All the people around me never notice when I feel bad and when I heavily self destruct to cope with this feeling.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

Many people say I am beautiful. But anytime I look into a mirror I believed that it might be my appearance why no one loved me.

So I started to hate what I saw in the mirror. I feel touch starved, craving intimacy but it would never feel right to be intimate with someone that didn't love me. Am even capable of loving?

I am losing hope. But I can't accept this fate. When will this end?

For some reason, only self-destruction helps me forget this feeling for a bit.

When I finish my degree it will be a good thing to leave behind..

I dont know if there is a way out of this. I am very independent. I dont need anyone. I always took care of myself and I can build a life for myself.

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection. This is so cringe. I hate myself. But if I stay lonely forever I will be so ashamed for life. Ppl already blame me for not having a boyfriend and not being engaged yet (im almost 22). I just havent found anyone I am actually interested in. I never had an actual crush. Maybe its rlly my fault. Dying is easier.

I am very extroverted and social and appear as very happy and lively on the outside. I would even say im generally liked. I have hobbies and interests with big communities and I always connect with new ppl. Idk. Maybe its just not my time yet or I am just pathetic and should die. I wish I could kms after finishing my bachelors degree.

sorry for venting on recovery i still consider myself in recovery for now. i want to keep pushing at least till im 25. also my situation is weird i think cuz I am very social and have very good quality friends who I love dearly.

I relate extremely heavily. You're not alone in this. I've had people obsess over me superficially / stalk me too but never any genuine mutual romantic love.

But as someone who's 23 - don't feel bad about not being married at 22. It's weird to pressure people as young as us into marriage, I think. We're not even halfway through life. Obviously I'm not married, and most of my friends my age aren't as well. A couple are, but it's kind of the outlier I think lol.

I think the question you have to ask yourself - a question I've had to ask myself whenever I think about wanting a partner - is this; do you actually want a relationship, or do you want affection? Personally, I'm very touch-starved, but any kind of romantic/sexual touching makes me extremely uncomfortable. I like to cuddle with a couple of my closest friends, because they're the only ones I feel comfortable doing that with, and it helps a lot. It makes me realize I just want to feel more loved, and that I don't necessarily need a romantic partner to make that happen. It also just feels a bit less pressuring than romance. Platonic affection.

You don't need romance to get affection like verbal appreciation, cuddling, or holding hands, gift giving - etc. Hell, my friends make me feel more loved than any romantic/sexual partner I've ever had.

If you feel similarly, maybe try talking to your closer friends about it. People you trust. That sort of thing. There's nothing wrong with asking for affection from your friends - from people who love you.

 

[SexyIncél]

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

That's incredibly rare, but exists. Fortunately, there's a similar thing that you can control: finding people who enduringly adore you for your intellectual/moral virtues. Aristotle has a good discussion on what makes someone lovable

 

[Pg.964]

I get it, I really do. I've had a neglectful childhood mixed with body dysmorphia and social anxiety which developed into what I can only interpret as a curse now. Im 24, almost 25, never had a relationship last for more than 6 months, just got broken up with yesterday. I have similar a similar thought process as you, considered physically attractive by most it seems. But as I date more I'm coming to the conclusion that most people can kind of tell when you're an "undesirable person" somebody that's difficult, has too much baggage. It's horribly painful, and no one can be isolated their whole lives without losing their mind. As annoying as it is, slow recovery is the way to go if you want to try and get out of this. I don't know if you have any diagnosis but work with medical professionals for a few years and don't focus too much on the dating aspect. Surround yourself with the friends and family you trust in the meantime. Touch starvation and lack of affection is literal torture, but I wish you strength to keep pushing towards a possible brighter future. I'm sorry that you carry this pain around everyday

 

[slightoverlooked]

I'm in my 40s and haven't even kissed yet. I'm deeply ashamed of my situation and I don't really want anything from life now other than to experience love at least once.

i hope that it will cross your path one day :((

I relate extremely heavily. You're not alone in this. I've had people obsess over me superficially / stalk me too but never any genuine mutual romantic love.

But as someone who's 23 - don't feel bad about not being married at 22. It's weird to pressure people as young as us into marriage, I think. We're not even halfway through life. Obviously I'm not married, and most of my friends my age aren't as well. A couple are, but it's kind of the outlier I think lol.

I think the question you have to ask yourself - a question I've had to ask myself whenever I think about wanting a partner - is this; do you actually want a relationship, or do you want affection? Personally, I'm very touch-starved, but any kind of romantic/sexual touching makes me extremely uncomfortable. I like to cuddle with a couple of my closest friends, because they're the only ones I feel comfortable doing that with, and it helps a lot. It makes me realize I just want to feel more loved, and that I don't necessarily need a romantic partner to make that happen. It also just feels a bit less pressuring than romance. Platonic affection.

You don't need romance to get affection like verbal appreciation, cuddling, or holding hands, gift giving - etc. Hell, my friends make me feel more loved than any romantic/sexual partner I've ever had.

If you feel similarly, maybe try talking to your closer friends about it. People you trust. That sort of thing. There's nothing wrong with asking for affection from your friends - from people who love you.

tbh idk what i want. i want stability. someone i can rely on. someone who will love me unconditionally and maybe have the proof that I'm loveable. but also i just want a partner. i am also very touch starved and only hug my closest friends and very rarely my mom. but i dont cuddle with anyone.
i have lots of great friends but I'm definitely missing romantic affection.

i never had a partner so i dont even know how it feels like. i just feel like I'm not lucky enough for anyone to cross my path. no one can predict the future i just have to sit here and hope and that thought kills me. it sounds like hell

That's incredibly rare, but exists. Fortunately, there's a similar thing that you can control: finding people who enduringly adore you for your intellectual/moral virtues. Aristotle has a good discussion on what makes someone lovable

yea my therapist also said its rare but that it exists. i dont think I'm unloveable anymore. i just feel like I'm doomed to be alone forever

I get it, I really do. I've had a neglectful childhood mixed with body dysmorphia and social anxiety which developed into what I can only interpret as a curse now. Im 24, almost 25, never had a relationship last for more than 6 months, just got broken up with yesterday. I have similar a similar thought process as you, considered physically attractive by most it seems. But as I date more I'm coming to the conclusion that most people can kind of tell when you're an "undesirable person" somebody that's difficult, has too much baggage. It's horribly painful, and no one can be isolated their whole lives without losing their mind. As annoying as it is, slow recovery is the way to go if you want to try and get out of this. I don't know if you have any diagnosis but work with medical professionals for a few years and don't focus too much on the dating aspect. Surround yourself with the friends and family you trust in the meantime. Touch starvation and lack of affection is literal torture, but I wish you strength to keep pushing towards a possible brighter future. I'm sorry that you carry this pain around everyday

yea im a social person so i am surrounded by friends a lot and it helps but the romantic desire is just always there. especially seeing others experience it makes me feel even worse. idk, thank you for your comment and I'm sorry to hear about your breakup :((

 

[Square251]

I also relate to your post. This has been an internalized issue for me for so long that it developed into an inferiority complex. When I do things that other people have done to find relationships, I fail constantly. It happened so many times on so many different occasions that I can't help but believe that I am the problem. I'm the only common variable. It's just that no one likes me. No one ever has and it feels insane to me to believe that anyone ever will.

People keep telling me it's luck, and that I'll find someone eventually but that feels like a delusion. They don't get it because they don't know what it's like. The inferiority complex now makes me envy these people who have experienced any kind of romantic experience. But I don't hate them, I hate myself for feeling the envy. Whenever they try to help, it feels like they're condescending, it infuriates me and again, I only hate myself for it even more. It's a vicious cycle of self loathing. The inferiority complex fuels the hate and the hate fuels the complex.

I even think that I've reached a point where even if miraculously someone showed interest in me for once, I won't get it. It'll feel wrong, like I'm being manipulated or delusional or just feel like they deserve much better.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I

I also relate to your post. This has been an internalized issue for me for so long that it developed into an inferiority complex. When I do things that other people have done to find relationships, I fail constantly. It happened so many times on so many different occasions that I can't help but believe that I am the problem. I'm the only common variable. It's just that no one likes me. No one ever has and it feels insane to me to believe that anyone ever will.

People keep telling me it's luck, and that I'll find someone eventually but that feels like a delusion. They don't get it because they don't know what it's like. The inferiority complex now makes me envy these people who have experienced any kind of romantic experience. But I don't hate them, I hate myself for feeling the envy. Whenever they try to help, it feels like they're condescending, it infuriates me and again, I only hate myself for it even more. It's a vicious cycle of self loathing. The inferiority complex fuels the hate and the hate fuels the complex.

I even think that I've reached a point where even if miraculously someone showed interest in me for once, I won't get it. It'll feel wrong, like I'm being manipulated or delusional or just feel like they deserve much better.

It's nice that you have people to try to help and to encourage you, even though they can't possibly understand or relate.

The only person who offered to help me never really did, and seeing as she's an attractive woman, then my situation is completely impossible for her to even begin to understand anyway.

No one even tells me I'll find someone eventually nowadays, I guess because I'm getting older.

How long have you been trying/failing for?

 

[Square251]

I

It's nice that you have people to try to help and to encourage you, even though they can't possibly understand or relate.

The only person who offered to help me never really did, and seeing as she's an attractive woman, then my situation is completely impossible for her to even begin to understand anyway.

No one even tells me I'll find someone eventually nowadays, I guess because I'm getting older.

How long have you been trying/failing for?

4-5 years I think? Around the time I started uni. At first I blamed it on several factors with my living circumstances, being in a religious country and what not. But as I started to learn about others who also aren't religious, I started to see how those factors aren't an excuse anymore. People manage regardless, I'm the problem.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

4-5 years I think? Around the time I started uni. At first I blamed it on several factors with my living circumstances, being in a religious country and what not. But as I started to learn about others who also aren't religious, I started to see how those factors aren't an excuse anymore. People manage regardless, I'm the problem.

Some people are just born more attractive. I had phases where I hoped I'd just randomly meet someone or maybe a woman would show interest in me, but I've realised that only happens to attractive guys.

It's definitely easier and less painful not to try. I feel like a complete failure once I realised I couldn't get a date even after making it my number one priority in life.

 

[Alltheywanted]

This feels very much like me. I can relate to literally every sentence u wrote.

Right now that I'm 18 I can use alcohol instead of a blade. I just hate that I HAVE TO self destruct my self. I can't even help my self. It's almost like I don't want any help.

I got used to suffering from loneliness, but I don't think it will be long till I reach my limits.

We can just wish each other luck ig...

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I have been incredibly lonely since I was born. Even while being surrounded by people. I always felt this indescribable loneliness deep inside my chest. Sure I have friends…close friends even. Friends I love unconditionally but is there really anyone who loves me unconditionally outside my family?

I believe I am undeserving of that love. That's the mindset I grew up with. I learnt to live with it. But every human has their limits. Me included.

All the people around me never notice when I feel bad and when I heavily self destruct to cope with this feeling.

Is it really impossible to love me unconditionally? Do I not deserve to be loved for my mere existence?

Many people say I am beautiful. But anytime I look into a mirror I believed that it might be my appearance why no one loved me.

So I started to hate what I saw in the mirror. I feel touch starved, craving intimacy but it would never feel right to be intimate with someone that didn't love me. Am even capable of loving?

I am losing hope. But I can't accept this fate. When will this end?

For some reason, only self-destruction helps me forget this feeling for a bit.

When I finish my degree it will be a good thing to leave behind..

I dont know if there is a way out of this. I am very independent. I dont need anyone. I always took care of myself and I can build a life for myself.

When i started uni some ppl hit on me but it was all superficial and I felt like an object. I didnt feel comfortable. I was even stalked for a couple of months lmao.

I just wish there would be someone I could 100 percent trust and feel like im at home. Someone that will hug me and show me love and affection. This is so cringe. I hate myself. But if I stay lonely forever I will be so ashamed for life. Ppl already blame me for not having a boyfriend and not being engaged yet (im almost 22). I just havent found anyone I am actually interested in. I never had an actual crush. Maybe its rlly my fault. Dying is easier.

I am very extroverted and social and appear as very happy and lively on the outside. I would even say im generally liked. I have hobbies and interests with big communities and I always connect with new ppl. Idk. Maybe its just not my time yet or I am just pathetic and should die. I wish I could kms after finishing my bachelors degree.

sorry for venting on recovery i still consider myself in recovery for now. i want to keep pushing at least till im 25. also my situation is weird i think cuz I am very social and have very good quality friends who I love dearly.

I think as I am 37 years old for no good reason I can think of, I notice that I have been craving romantic company less.

I wonder if that was a part of the life phase I was in. Like now my mind-body is like ok fine we're not gonna reproduce so let's just chill.

I'm more suicidal without the urge to find a partner but I'm just saying, I'm not really suicidal cuz I haven't got a life partner anymore. Didn't really realise that. I mean sort of I guess. Life is practically easier with a partner but I don't feel that yearning the same way. Now it would be nice for anybody to see me. Sexual compatibility unnecessary.

 

[AkaRed]

It's oddly refreshing to actually have someone post about this, because I completely relate to it.

These days I feel fucking surrounded by couples and happy people everywhere I go, and it just reminds me of how empty I am inside.

For what little I've had and been able to experience, I still often feel incredibly behind compared to my peers and just crave a proper relationship. My first and only legitimate one lasted a year, but it was a first, and it was during 2020 which was an absolute trainwreck. I admit, I was extremely broken and toxic at the end and we did not separate amicably. I do still have regrets about my behaviour and what drove both me and my ex to the bad states we were both in. I wish I could take back the hurt I caused.

My second one didn't last long at all, and was messy and showing red flags from the beginning. But it was exhilarating and I still fell in love regardless. I want that feeling back, I want those moments back so badly.
I regret cutting them off. I really do.
Even if it was never going to get anywhere— god I miss the stupid emotions that circled through my head. I miss the physical connection for however brief it was.

I've always been a very lonely person myself, and it's recently just been killing me watching the people around me have the love and attention I would literally kill to have. I can't look in mirrors anymore without breaking down. I feel so ugly, so unlovable, so broken and unwanted.

You're absolutely not alone in this feeling.

<3

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I used to feel completely unloveable, I still don't think I know what it means to feel loved (I don't remember ever trusting someone 100% and not regretting it). Now I'm so used to being alone I'm just repelled by the idea of any kind of relationship. I'm at the point where I think maybe there really is someone out there, but finding them and then subsequently maintaining that relationship (if I even get that far) would be too stressful and exhausting. I just want to distance myself and live in my own little corner of the world away from everyone.

 

[BrainShower]

I have always had similar issues. But I have given up on ever finding that relationship. Society views people like us as codependent, and as a problem that needs fixing.
I cannot fix the problem, I have tried for decades and no luck at all, so I have decided to live with it as long as I can. I guess I am a bit happier being alone than I used to be, but just because I have suffered for so long that I am more used to it.

 

[slightoverlooked]

i turned 22 yesterday. i had an amazing time with friends and family for the past 2-3 days celebrating together. but what am i even celebrating? I'm still lonely. saw a video on Instagram today about a woman being single her whole life and she was 42. i dont want to live like that. i dont know if i want to recover. this loneliness is eating me alive. i have sm love in my heart to give but there is no one. there might never be.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

i turned 22 yesterday. i had an amazing time with friends and family for the past 2-3 days celebrating together. but what am i even celebrating? I'm still lonely. saw a video on Instagram today about a woman being single her whole life and she was 42. i dont want to live like that. i dont know if i want to recover. this loneliness is eating me alive. i have sm love in my heart to give but there is no one. there might never be.

22 is still young, a good time to get started really.

I can't even start.