girlsboysthems
no i dont have a gun
- Dec 19, 2022
- 459
my stupid ass fell in love and became mega productive (better job, extremely close to finishing college, got a drivers license and now im doing a motorbike license) and now i cannot kill myself. i cannot think of my boyfriend suffering even more that he already has and as much as i love him i kinda regret meeting him. i could have been dead by now... the only hope i have is the fact that im not into having kids (and i made that clear!!) and i asked if he could get a vasectomy and he said no because he might want kids. so im kinda hoping this will become a bigger problem in the near future and i can peace out without guilt.
when i started hanging out with him i did not believe i was capable of love and recieving love. now i see that i am capable and it feels very nice (my therapist said that in all the years that ive been going to therapy he has not seen me smile, until now) and yeah. i never understood why people fall in love, get married, have kids and then kill themselves. but i get it now. i dont have a reason to break and i cannot do it without messing up his life.
my only option right now is to finish the bike license and get into an accident. it wont be suspicious since a lot of people die on motorbikes.
i feel terrible.
any thoughts?
when i started hanging out with him i did not believe i was capable of love and recieving love. now i see that i am capable and it feels very nice (my therapist said that in all the years that ive been going to therapy he has not seen me smile, until now) and yeah. i never understood why people fall in love, get married, have kids and then kill themselves. but i get it now. i dont have a reason to break and i cannot do it without messing up his life.
my only option right now is to finish the bike license and get into an accident. it wont be suspicious since a lot of people die on motorbikes.
i feel terrible.
any thoughts?
