For me as I have already said many times all celebrations are very painful because I am a lonely person with no one and I have a shit family which is one of the biggest causes of my depression.Every time for me Christmas, my birthday and others holidays are a very painful torture precisely because I love celebrations but I have no one to share them with.This Christmas was very lonely ... I was with my family but it is like being alone with them, we ate for dinner and there was a very uncomfortable silence like a funeral. Usually the only thing I do during the holidays is to eat sweets and watch the animated films that every year during the holidays they put on television, yes, I'm still very childish but at least they make me feel less alone.But after Christmas my mother started to stress me and want to argue with me (For her, depression doesn't exist, she denies it all the time) and she made me feel very bad for days ... and today I'm really shit ... thanks to her I am about to start the new year in the middle of a depressive crisis, I feel extremely weak and I am tormented every second by powerful suicidal thoughts ... I hate her, she enjoys my suffering and has ruined my life as it ruins everything.I hate everything and I feel like throwing up .... while I cried all my tears of blood:(