Discussion Choosing your CTB method

[Riverz]

How is it that you plan to ctb? How did your arrive at that decision?

I'm still trying to answer this myself. I feel as if I have so many options. Do I want something flashy and loud? Or do I wish to drift off into neverland? Firearms are not hard to get here, I have a 9mm handgun as it is. I've contemplated many times using it on myself but the thought of leaning on my desk gargling on my own blood because I fucked up terrifies me. I could probably get a shotgun really easy, Just a weeks pay and one quick background check. There's a lot less room for error that way. Or maybe I could crash my car. In the past one of the ways I liked to cope was taking a drive down some backroads going about 120mph with nothing but the idea of death on my mind. I have about 1,000 mg of liquid Morphine from when I was taking care of my grandfather during his final months with cancer. Not sure if thats enough to kill me. From what I know an OD might not be so bad. I have alot of research to do, in all honesty I feel ignorant. All I am sure of is that I wish I were dead.

 

[absolomonisgone]

Lucky for have gun. Me will hang with rope and chair.

 

[mang0sp1der]

If I had a gun or easy access to one I would have "bought the farm" months ago. I found a drug dealer who has access to fentanyl laced fake perc 30's and I'm thinking about taking a few at a time. I will probably have a few beers before hand to 1. Add to the effect of a strong opioid and 2. Put me in a forgetful drunken stupor. The hardest part about "CTB" is the moment before hand. The effectiveness of a suicide method correlates to how much you can reverse the damage; something like cutting your wrists has a timer on it where you can save yourself vs. a shotgun blast which has a 99% mortality rate and the only moment of regret you have is 0.01 seconds before the firing pin hits the shell. I'm 6 feet tall and can't be bothered with finding/fixing up a place to hang myself and all those "lethal injection cocktails" or gas inhalations are way too complicated for my dumbass.
I'm unemployed at the moment (I have a CDL but I hate truck driving and any other capital driven service industry slavery position) so I'm thinking of donating plasma to get $100 and then using that money to buy a couple of those fenty laced pills and just doing it. JUST DO IT *muscle flex*
Every day sucks. I don't have any friends, I haven't been laid in a year, I'm just going to become more of u happy/a disappointment, might as well die young and add some mystique to my pathetic stupid life.
No funeral, no tombstone, cremation and I don't care what you do with the ashes—
I'll be dead.

How is it that you plan to ctb? How did your arrive at that decision?

I'm still trying to answer this myself. I feel as if I have so many options. Do I want something flashy and loud? Or do I wish to drift off into neverland? Firearms are not hard to get here, I have a 9mm handgun as it is. I've contemplated many times using it on myself but the thought of leaning on my desk gargling on my own blood because I fucked up terrifies me. I could probably get a shotgun really easy, Just a weeks pay and one quick background check. There's a lot less room for error that way. Or maybe I could crash my car. In the past one of the ways I liked to cope was taking a drive down some backroads going about 120mph with nothing but the idea of death on my mind. I have about 1,000 mg of liquid Morphine from when I was taking care of my grandfather during his final months with cancer. Not sure if thats enough to kill me. From what I know an OD might not be so bad. I have alot of research to do, in all honesty I feel ignorant. All I am sure of is that I want to die.

Maybe I'm just a fiend—but how tf have you just sat on 1000 mg of morphine? Even if you didn't plan on offing yourself with it, that's a fun way to kill time or hell go on Grindr and sell it. Somebody would pay for it. Fuck I know I would. Idk how many vials that is but it's enough to fuck you up.
But alas, to each their own. I do disagree with your last sentiment—I don't think any of us WANT to die, it's more or less the inevitable conclusion most of us come to.
I for about a decade have felt an inert disconnection/ blatant incongruity with the modern world. I don't blame anyone and I hold no hate in my heart. The only pain I feel is going to be left onto my loved ones, who, if they really loved me/felt compassion would not hate nor blame me.
I don't know who you are or if words or a screen sent my a complete stranger will have any effect. But I hope you find some kind of peace, whatever that may be.

 

[Ultracheese]

I'll probably jump. I'm still deciding on where though. My best friend who CTB chose this method, and I'm choosing this method as my weird way of honoring him.

 

[00nobody00]

I have researched most methods pretty thoroughly and I have settled on synthetic opiate OD as my top preference to ctb, whether it would be fent or heroin but preferably fent. Sounds like a fairly effective, quick, and painless way to go. I live very close to Detroit so I could probably find some if i looked hard enough. I also own a 9mm and a few other firearms which is my #3 choice behind inert gas (#2) and fent (#1). I have decided if i went firearm route to ctb, I would do myself behind my ear area based on the location of the brain stem instead of through my mouth. I feel sort of spoiled being from the states because of the resources that are more readily available here. I feel bad because I notice that a lot of people from these forums are not from the states and have less resources at their disposal to work with. I see that SN is very popular and sought after on here, but I am personally not convinced that I would ever mess with it. I have read too many mixed things and have my doubts about it being a peaceful escape that everyone thinks it is.

 

[FuneralCry]

Unfortunately the fact that suicide is something that is so incredibly difficult for me is the only reason really as to why I continue enduring existence. If I had some kind of reliable plan to leave this world that I felt confident in, I know that I would already be free from existence at this point but the problem lies in the fact that the society we exist in makes suicide so unnecessarily complicated for us, with reliable method options being restricted from us. I hate this pro suffering society that tries to force people to stay here. All of us deserve the option of a method like N after so unfairly being forced into this hellish world in the first place.

 

[Riverz]

Maybe I'm just a fiend—but how tf have you just sat on 1000 mg of morphine? Even if you didn't plan on offing yourself with it, that's a fun way to kill time or hell go on Grindr and sell it. Somebody would pay for it. Fuck I know I would. Idk how many vials that is but it's enough to fuck you up.
But alas, to each their own. I do disagree with your last sentiment—I don't think any of us WANT to die, it's more or less the inevitable conclusion most of us come to.
I for about a decade have felt an inert disconnection/ blatant incongruity with the modern world. I don't blame anyone and I hold no hate in my heart. The only pain I feel is going to be left onto my loved ones, who, if they really loved me/felt compassion would not hate nor blame me.
I don't know who you are or if words or a screen sent my a complete stranger will have any effect. But I hope you find some kind of peace, whatever that may be.

I was just happy to have a way out. It gave me confidence to live. I told myself if I dont feel like doing it anymore I don't have to. I didn't really feel a need to drug myself up or sell it at the time. Its really funny to think that I thought I would just come home and take it one day. I'm not that impulsive and im sure SI or some other shit would stop me. I think the thrill of having it has worn and im tired.

I guess my last sentiment was lazy "I want to die" does sound childish. I agree with just about everything you express here, I too have felt a "blatant incongruity with the modern world" for as long as I can remember. I've spent a lot of time contemplating life and its many aspects. Even with how far I've come or whatever help I try and get, I always arrive at the same conclusion. I think im about done and I plan on making preparations in the near future. I just have some other business to get out of the way first.

thanks for your input.