Chickened out, no voice.

[exiled]

I tied the noose around my neck tight as can be and felt the airways close… I chickened out. SI kicked in and I knew I left myself with the option of being able to escape.

I've completely lost my voice the last few days but it's finally coming back….

I am really really sad

I feel like every effing millisecond of existence is torture. Torture

But death scares me shitless.

I can't do this anymore.

Will it ever be ok?

I don't mean to throw myself a pity party but…. being a victim of sex trafficking as a child, getting cancer, needing a liver transplant, developing severe depersonalization disorder…. all before 27.

Why? Why can't I qualify for medically assisted suicide where it's peaceful and painless?

I've had enough.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I don't know if it will ever be okay. but I understand why you've had enough, that all sounds so tough to endure.

I don't have any advice or wisdom to offer but just wanted to know I read your post and feel for you

 

[Gonnerr]

Life is shit , sorry you cannot have assisted suicide, you certainly deserve it. Have you look into something more peaceful like carbon monoxide poisoning or SN.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you've had to endure, it certainly disgusts me how despite the fact we exist in this hellish reality where there is so much endless suffering, we are still denied the option to just finally leave in peace, it's inhumane how assisted suicide isn't legalised.

 

[exiled]

That sounds so horrible what you've had to endure, it certainly disgusts me how despite the fact we exist in this hellish reality where there is so much endless suffering, we are still denied the option to just finally leave in peace, it's inhumane how assisted suicide isn't legalised.

I know right? I feel like I qualify beyond question too. It's so unfair.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's so horrible what you had to go through in your life already and failed attempts are causing so much more pain. I feel with you. It's really unfair that assisted suicide is not available for everyone who wishes for it. It would such a great relief for many people if they had access to peaceful and dignified methods.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm so sorry you have been through so much turmoil in your life.
I tried the night night method the other day and failed. It's a horrible feeling trying to end things and failing. I've also suffered from depersonalisation and derealization. It's an utter nightmare to have to go through that.
I hope one day you get the peace you deserve.