Story Chasing the high. Chasing real happiness.

[CesiumBullet]

When I first started my antidepressants (trintellix), I actually felt happy. For once in my life, I would wake up, feel the sun shining on my face, and enjoy just existing. I felt so comfortable, no - euphoric - in my body, that I went days where I couldn't help but smile for no reason. For once, I was happy. Not just okay, but happy. I appreciated life, and each and every breath made me so grateful to have the rare chance to be the universe experiencing itself.

That was four months ago. The feelings lasted for a few weeks. Even after raising my dose I haven't been able to find the same joy. I miss being happy. I'm back to where I started. I'm trying to self-medicate with other drugs. Alcohol just makes me messy. Weed and benzos just chill me out and make me sleepy. My boyfriend hid his tramadol and his parents' dilaudid from me. If the only thing that can make me happy is drugs, then I guess I just need to find the right drug. Heroin's too dangerous, molly causes rebound depression... Cocaine might be fun but I'm nervous about uppers. Maybe I'll try kratom first since it's legal.

I guess I'm chasing something. The question I ask myself is: am I chasing a high, or the normal happiness people feel everyday?

 

[telemark05]

When I first started my antidepressants (trintellix), I actually felt happy. For once in my life, I would wake up, feel the sun shining on my face, and enjoy just existing. I felt so comfortable, no - euphoric - in my body, that I went days where I couldn't help but smile for no reason. For once, I was happy. Not just okay, but happy. I appreciated life, and each and every breath made me so grateful to have the rare chance to be the universe experiencing itself.

That was four months ago. The feelings lasted for a few weeks. Even after raising my dose I haven't been able to find the same joy. I miss being happy. I'm back to where I started. I'm trying to self-medicate with other drugs. Alcohol just makes me messy. Weed and benzos just chill me out and make me sleepy. My boyfriend hid his tramadol and his parents' dilaudid from me. If the only thing that can make me happy is drugs, then I guess I just need to find the right drug. Heroin's too dangerous, molly causes rebound depression... Cocaine might be fun but I'm nervous about uppers. Maybe I'll try kratom first since it's legal.

I guess I'm chasing something. The question I ask myself is: am I chasing a high, or the normal happiness people feel everyday?

I used to do a lot of cocaine and it will make you feel amazing for a short time, and then leave you even more depressed than you were to begin with. I remember a time I did about 2 grams of cocaine, and I was left with feeling worse than I had ever felt. If I had a gun through that comedown, I would probably have shot myself.

What worked for me is to stop chasing happiness from the outside. I had to look for myself within, which is where I experience everything and shape my own reality. I don't mean that you can wish for a lamborghini, and the lamborghini will come to you. Im saying that the feeling you would get from owning a lamborghini would be experienced inside of you. Think about a song. If you're happy, it will sound better. When you're depressed, the same song sounds like shit and you'll want to turn it off. That's why the best place to start is within, and be the observer that you are. We say the thoughts are "yours", and that's because they are not you. Your brain and body are tools, and they are supposed to work for you so take back the control first.

 

[LetMeSeeTheSun]

Hi, i can relate with alcohol or weed, whenever i'm drunk i feel so blissful and happy and connected to everyone, it happened a few time that i would drink myself to sleep and then go to work the next day and in the evening drink away the pain from the hangover... yeah not a good cycle.
A movie that helped me to not stray was Requiem for a Dream, beside the drug abuse factor it really highlights the fact that you shouldn't try to chase a high and that you should accept that good things have an end, as the title says you cannot bring back something from the dead (requiem).

Really please watch it, it really did change my life and i watch it at least once a year, if you cannot afford/access it dm me i'll provide it for you, see joined one of my favorite quote

 

[lemonandcapers]

When I first started my antidepressants (trintellix), I actually felt happy. For once in my life, I would wake up, feel the sun shining on my face, and enjoy just existing. I felt so comfortable, no - euphoric - in my body, that I went days where I couldn't help but smile for no reason. For once, I was happy. Not just okay, but happy. I appreciated life, and each and every breath made me so grateful to have the rare chance to be the universe experiencing itself.

That was four months ago. The feelings lasted for a few weeks. Even after raising my dose I haven't been able to find the same joy. I miss being happy. I'm back to where I started. I'm trying to self-medicate with other drugs. Alcohol just makes me messy. Weed and benzos just chill me out and make me sleepy. My boyfriend hid his tramadol and his parents' dilaudid from me. If the only thing that can make me happy is drugs, then I guess I just need to find the right drug. Heroin's too dangerous, molly causes rebound depression... Cocaine might be fun but I'm nervous about uppers. Maybe I'll try kratom first since it's legal.

I guess I'm chasing something. The question I ask myself is: am I chasing a high, or the normal happiness people feel everyday?

I'm glad that you were able to find that happiness even if it only lasted for a short while. I may not be able to give you any recommendations because I am going through something similar, but I hope you are able to find a similar kind of happiness