Was going to detail my [redacted] for harm reduction's sake and to add to history. However, I just found out that is no longer allowed. How sad to see. This was a noble site dedicated to helping those in dire need of guidance they so desperately needed in a safe community driven way.
Well anyway, I've got my letters mailed out, on my fridge for authorities, and a note one on my bed for my parents.
I will be gone from this earth within the hour. I don't know how much I can go into detail anymore, but it involves tying a tie and refilling a prescription from the chemist for a special occasion.
Here is a suicide note I wrote months ago if anyone would care to skim it:
Rays of Sun Peaking Through the Garden
All I do in life is make these terribly expensive mistakes. I've been making expensive mistakes my whole life and never know if or just how bad I fucked up until it's desperately too late.
I have this daunting sense of dread that someone is gonna royally fuck me over just around the corner at any fleeting moment. The clock is ticking. I feel like it's just a matter of time before I'll make one last fatal misstep and I'll have my fate handcuffed to some ego-driven sadist's hands. Either that, or someone will just kick me while I'm down out of a pure whim just for their entertainment and ruin my life for the sport of it. Some people like to hunt witches even if they're not witches at all. They feign trust and companionship. They veil their true self until you are of no more use to them. Then, they throw you out their car window on the freeway, turn up the music you would once sing together, and drive away with nothing but selfish, careless thoughts running between their ears. Their brain has been and always will be lysed of guilt and empathy from synapse to synapse.
Well, if I manage to survive the hostile wild just long enough I can be free of my environment's cruel dangers forever. What a blissful thought. No more brutal, heart-thrashing betrayals. No more bleak, pitch black nights that end with tear soaked pillows. No more... *anything*. It will be the final release from this risk-driven life that will most probably end in another expensive misstep via my self-destructive tendencies or other's cruel, selfish intentions. The time has come to exercise my selfishness. I am done playing the game and I am above all, done playing by the rules! No apathist will force me to forfeit my keys this time around.
I will chew up what little is left of this life and spit it out. Savor the taste in my mouth like a virgin tongue coated with its first brisk dew of a warm spring dawn.
Goodnight. I love you.
(P.S. It may more or less align with how I feel now. However, life did indeed get worse and I'm a huge procrastinator even in death. I'm 4 hours late! LOL)
I wish you all the best life and death you can have! Truly.
Well anyway, I've got my letters mailed out, on my fridge for authorities, and a note one on my bed for my parents.
I will be gone from this earth within the hour. I don't know how much I can go into detail anymore, but it involves tying a tie and refilling a prescription from the chemist for a special occasion.
Here is a suicide note I wrote months ago if anyone would care to skim it:
Rays of Sun Peaking Through the Garden
All I do in life is make these terribly expensive mistakes. I've been making expensive mistakes my whole life and never know if or just how bad I fucked up until it's desperately too late.
I have this daunting sense of dread that someone is gonna royally fuck me over just around the corner at any fleeting moment. The clock is ticking. I feel like it's just a matter of time before I'll make one last fatal misstep and I'll have my fate handcuffed to some ego-driven sadist's hands. Either that, or someone will just kick me while I'm down out of a pure whim just for their entertainment and ruin my life for the sport of it. Some people like to hunt witches even if they're not witches at all. They feign trust and companionship. They veil their true self until you are of no more use to them. Then, they throw you out their car window on the freeway, turn up the music you would once sing together, and drive away with nothing but selfish, careless thoughts running between their ears. Their brain has been and always will be lysed of guilt and empathy from synapse to synapse.
Well, if I manage to survive the hostile wild just long enough I can be free of my environment's cruel dangers forever. What a blissful thought. No more brutal, heart-thrashing betrayals. No more bleak, pitch black nights that end with tear soaked pillows. No more... *anything*. It will be the final release from this risk-driven life that will most probably end in another expensive misstep via my self-destructive tendencies or other's cruel, selfish intentions. The time has come to exercise my selfishness. I am done playing the game and I am above all, done playing by the rules! No apathist will force me to forfeit my keys this time around.
I will chew up what little is left of this life and spit it out. Savor the taste in my mouth like a virgin tongue coated with its first brisk dew of a warm spring dawn.
Goodnight. I love you.
(P.S. It may more or less align with how I feel now. However, life did indeed get worse and I'm a huge procrastinator even in death. I'm 4 hours late! LOL)
I wish you all the best life and death you can have! Truly.
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