I hoped that maybe I could find someone or maybe even more people here who could help me with dying, like a partner. I did talk with multiple people from the partners thread too, I even gave my name and informations to some people, I even talked on video call with some people, with some I talked on video call more than once. I'm willing to do this to prove that I'm serious about wanting to die and don't lie about anything, I have nothing to hide. I have mental ilnesses such as anxiety, ocd, I'm suspected of being in the autism spectrum disorder, I did a test recently at a psychiatric clinic and I'm still waiting for the results, they'll probably come soon. I have cognitive problems in the sense that I'm not very smart, it's hard for me to understand very complex things. I wouldn't say I'm very stupid, I'm not but I'm not very smart either. I also have chronique fatigue, I'm tired a lot and it's really tiring to live with all these problems. Because of these problems it's hard for me to function like a normal human in this world, it's hard to have and maintain relationships with people, it's hard to even get a job. That's why I still live with my parents, they still sustain me. I'm 26 years old by the way.
My parents have a business of their own and they allow me to work there with them, although working there isn't easy either. They have a pretty decent amount of money, they're not very rich but they're not poor either, and they help me with money. The idea is that I could afford to buy many things for many methods, such as the inert gas method for example, money wouldn't be a problem for me, but because of my cognitive problems it's hard for me to understand the more complex methods and know everything that has to be done by myself, that's why having someone else, like a partner, who knows better than me about certain methods and has a plan would be very helpful. I would be willing to help with money if it's necessary for methods, either through bank transfers or give the money in person, even travel if they're from a different country and give the money there. That's how desperate and serious I am. All I want is a fast and reliable method, if it's painless like the inert gas method or the carbon monoxide method then it would be amazing, but I never burned charcoal on a grill before on my own so this method is complicated for me to do by myself as well.
This life is a burden for me and I'm tired of everything, I don't want to continue this life anymore. I don't want to be in this shitty and miserable world anymore. I've had enough of everything. I've been suicidal for many years but I didn't have the courage to kill myself because I was afraid of the more painful and risky methods such as hanging or jumping, I'm still afraid of them because I don't want to survive with permanent disabilities. Other methods such as inert gas, carbon monoxide are complicated for me to do on my own, and nembutal, fentanyl, heroin, guns are hard to access, even though I could afford to pay for many of these methods. I actually thought about going to Peru to get nembutal but the problem is that it's not guaranteed I'll get it, and flights to Peru aren't direct flights, they have 1 or even more stops and it could be difficult for me to figure out everything that I have to do because I never travelled alone to other countries with multiple stops, I did travel with my parents, relatives and some friends before to many countries on holidays but not on my own, that wouldn't be a problem though, I can travel alone to other countries but the multiple stops to Peru could be a problem. That's what worries me about going to Peru.
I know that there might be some dangerous, bad people or scammers here, or maybe even undercover cops, who knows, and I read some posts of people having bad experiences with finding a partner. Yes, some people aren't trustworthy but I think there are trustworthy people as well. What I don't like is that because of some people who have bad intentions now everyone thinks that no one can be trusted, they generalise everything. It's true that there are some bad people, but not everyone is like that, it's not that simple. I think usually people should know if something isn't right about someone, but some are too paranoid in my opinion. It can be risky for me too finding a partner, and usually I can tell if something is suspicious but I'm desperate to die and I want help with some methods. Maybe we don't do a method together but even someone explaining to me step by step everything that I have to do with the sn method for example would be very helpful. I'm not smart enough to know everything that I have to do, even though I read about many methods from here, I know what they're about overall and what they imply but it's hard for me to understand everything, there are a lot of informations about methods. I'm so desperate because I'm not sure I can commit suicide by myself. I did think about methods to do by myself but I'm not sure I can do this, even though I want to die so much. The thing I want the most is to die so that I'm free of this life and of this world. This life is hell, it's a nightmare and I don't know how much more I can take, it's too much. It would be amazing if I could get help with some methods. I could help too with informations and planning as much as possible, I would even be willing to help with money if it's necessary. Because of how desperate and serious I am I'm willing to give my name and informations about me, even talk on video call just to prove I'm not lying. But it's very hard to find someone serious enough and trustworthy here, whatever you do some will still question your intentions. I understand that, I'm actually paranoid too but I'm also desperate. That's what despair does to me because I don't want to continue this life much longer. Maybe I was naive to think I could get help and that people care or are serious. People don't give a shit and I always knew this. Or maybe they care but they have their own problems to worry about, it's understandable. I feel like I'm trapped in this life and this world with no way out. If I could have a fast and painless death it would be the best thing that ever happened to me, or at least a fast death, even it's a bit uncomfortable like the sn method for example it would still be fine for me, at least I know that I die. I mentioned sn because I heard that there might be some uncomfortable symptoms after you take it. I just want to die and be free but I don't know what to do
My parents have a business of their own and they allow me to work there with them, although working there isn't easy either. They have a pretty decent amount of money, they're not very rich but they're not poor either, and they help me with money. The idea is that I could afford to buy many things for many methods, such as the inert gas method for example, money wouldn't be a problem for me, but because of my cognitive problems it's hard for me to understand the more complex methods and know everything that has to be done by myself, that's why having someone else, like a partner, who knows better than me about certain methods and has a plan would be very helpful. I would be willing to help with money if it's necessary for methods, either through bank transfers or give the money in person, even travel if they're from a different country and give the money there. That's how desperate and serious I am. All I want is a fast and reliable method, if it's painless like the inert gas method or the carbon monoxide method then it would be amazing, but I never burned charcoal on a grill before on my own so this method is complicated for me to do by myself as well.
This life is a burden for me and I'm tired of everything, I don't want to continue this life anymore. I don't want to be in this shitty and miserable world anymore. I've had enough of everything. I've been suicidal for many years but I didn't have the courage to kill myself because I was afraid of the more painful and risky methods such as hanging or jumping, I'm still afraid of them because I don't want to survive with permanent disabilities. Other methods such as inert gas, carbon monoxide are complicated for me to do on my own, and nembutal, fentanyl, heroin, guns are hard to access, even though I could afford to pay for many of these methods. I actually thought about going to Peru to get nembutal but the problem is that it's not guaranteed I'll get it, and flights to Peru aren't direct flights, they have 1 or even more stops and it could be difficult for me to figure out everything that I have to do because I never travelled alone to other countries with multiple stops, I did travel with my parents, relatives and some friends before to many countries on holidays but not on my own, that wouldn't be a problem though, I can travel alone to other countries but the multiple stops to Peru could be a problem. That's what worries me about going to Peru.
I know that there might be some dangerous, bad people or scammers here, or maybe even undercover cops, who knows, and I read some posts of people having bad experiences with finding a partner. Yes, some people aren't trustworthy but I think there are trustworthy people as well. What I don't like is that because of some people who have bad intentions now everyone thinks that no one can be trusted, they generalise everything. It's true that there are some bad people, but not everyone is like that, it's not that simple. I think usually people should know if something isn't right about someone, but some are too paranoid in my opinion. It can be risky for me too finding a partner, and usually I can tell if something is suspicious but I'm desperate to die and I want help with some methods. Maybe we don't do a method together but even someone explaining to me step by step everything that I have to do with the sn method for example would be very helpful. I'm not smart enough to know everything that I have to do, even though I read about many methods from here, I know what they're about overall and what they imply but it's hard for me to understand everything, there are a lot of informations about methods. I'm so desperate because I'm not sure I can commit suicide by myself. I did think about methods to do by myself but I'm not sure I can do this, even though I want to die so much. The thing I want the most is to die so that I'm free of this life and of this world. This life is hell, it's a nightmare and I don't know how much more I can take, it's too much. It would be amazing if I could get help with some methods. I could help too with informations and planning as much as possible, I would even be willing to help with money if it's necessary. Because of how desperate and serious I am I'm willing to give my name and informations about me, even talk on video call just to prove I'm not lying. But it's very hard to find someone serious enough and trustworthy here, whatever you do some will still question your intentions. I understand that, I'm actually paranoid too but I'm also desperate. That's what despair does to me because I don't want to continue this life much longer. Maybe I was naive to think I could get help and that people care or are serious. People don't give a shit and I always knew this. Or maybe they care but they have their own problems to worry about, it's understandable. I feel like I'm trapped in this life and this world with no way out. If I could have a fast and painless death it would be the best thing that ever happened to me, or at least a fast death, even it's a bit uncomfortable like the sn method for example it would still be fine for me, at least I know that I die. I mentioned sn because I heard that there might be some uncomfortable symptoms after you take it. I just want to die and be free but I don't know what to do
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