Venting Can't get over the idea that the psychologist I'm seeing is a malevolent entity in disguise

[killjohnlennon148]

When I was admitted to a psychiatric ward months ago, I began seeing a psychologist. Now, my clairsentience often waxes and wanes, however I started sensing a malevolent presence and thought that my psychiatrist was working against me and replaced the psychologist with a demon. I refused to talk to the psychologist after that. During this time there were spirits lined up against the walls of the ward who were talking shit about me to one of the nurses. I knew this nurse was listening because he admitted to being spiritual too.

But all of these feelings ended up subsiding. They put me on mind numbing meds that stole my thoughts which I eventually went off on my own accord after being discharged. I ended up seeing the psychologist again, however I can't help but wonder if I was right about the psychologist being demonic and he is just hiding it better or the meds permanently damaged my spiritual abilities. It is stressing me out.

 

[khora]

When I was admitted to a psychiatric ward months ago, I began seeing a psychologist. Now, my clairsentience often waxes and wanes, however I started sensing a malevolent presence and thought that my psychiatrist was working against me and replaced the psychologist with a demon. I refused to talk to the psychologist after that. During this time there were spirits lined up against the walls of the ward who were talking shit about me to one of the nurses. I knew this nurse was listening because he admitted to being spiritual too.

But all of these feelings ended up subsiding. They put me on mind numbing meds that stole my thoughts which I eventually went off on my own accord after being discharged. I ended up seeing the psychologist again, however I can't help but wonder if I was right about the psychologist being demonic and he is just hiding it better or the meds permanently damaged my spiritual abilities. It is stressing me out.

Paranoia and delusions are a good trade off for a white pill - maybe humans naturally carry ambivalence, and the nurses/doctors are merely a middleman in the grander scheme of the world's corruption, maybe your spiritual ability has a high sense of perceptibly seeing behind the flesh veil we're all in; since we are carriers of either black or white conscience that can be receptively and easily altered by memories, choices, traumas and experiences.
What part about 'them' could you say that they were speaking to you - generally the state of humanity as a whole?
In other words were you always like this?

 

[fadedghost]

When I was admitted to a psychiatric ward months ago, I began seeing a psychologist. Now, my clairsentience often waxes and wanes, however I started sensing a malevolent presence and thought that my psychiatrist was working against me and replaced the psychologist with a demon. I refused to talk to the psychologist after that. During this time there were spirits lined up against the walls of the ward who were talking shit about me to one of the nurses. I knew this nurse was listening because he admitted to being spiritual too.

But all of these feelings ended up subsiding. They put me on mind numbing meds that stole my thoughts which I eventually went off on my own accord after being discharged. I ended up seeing the psychologist again, however I can't help but wonder if I was right about the psychologist being demonic and he is just hiding it better or the meds permanently damaged my spiritual abilities. It is stressing me out.

you're psychotic. i'm not saying this in a bad way.

are you able to tolerate a low dose of antipsychotic medication?

thinking about spirituality in abnormal ways is actually a sign of schizophrenia. if you want to develop spiritually, if there is such a thing, go do community service and take antipsychotics. volunteering to help read stories to old people or help out at a shelter is a way to be nice no matter what perspective you have, right?

one of the problems with psychiatrists if you have a psychotic disorder is that once you see one, they do put tremendous pressure on people with psychotic disorders to take extremely high doses of antipsychotics, and sometimes it makes life worse. but being on no antipsychotics when you are this psychotic doesn't make sense. you could easily become even more psychotic, then what? you're already spiritual, so you can't determine what's a mythological story and what's real inherently... so how are you going to see through psychosis if it gets worse?

i am not saying you're wrong. i don't know the answer: there could be some invisible spiritual world of demons and saints and dragons and these are all invisibly influencing the world somehow... who knows? but there's no way to prove it either way, and your thinking about it so much is unusual and probably means your dopamine is imbalanced.

if you're not a criminal or haven't done anything illegal or dangerous ever, then it's hard for them to force you to be on super high doses or lock you up in horrible conditions just for saying you need low dose anti-psychotics. there's not that much of a risk of taking something at a low dose.

so just find som antipsychotic that isn't awful, take it at a low dose, and go do community service and help people and stay off drugs.

you can even find a new psychiatrist and just say "i am worried about spirituality a lot and think a low dose antipsychotic could help"

but really, you sounds highly psychotic. at least a low dose?


you could also do a test. get a new therapist and if you feel like the new therapist is a demon too, you're probably psychotic

this is also a dangerous situation for your psychologist if you get more psychotic. look at that woman who killed her 3 children: she was fine, but feeling bad, fine but feeling bad, and suddenly she heard voices telling her to kill her kids and she did it. you should go back on something if you have this level of psychosis.

 

[killjohnlennon148]

you're psychotic. i'm not saying this in a bad way.

are you able to tolerate a low dose of antipsychotic medication?

thinking about spirituality in abnormal ways is actually a sign of schizophrenia. if you want to develop spiritually, if there is such a thing, go do community service and take antipsychotics. volunteering to help read stories to old people or help out at a shelter is a way to be nice no matter what perspective you have, right?

one of the problems with psychiatrists if you have a psychotic disorder is that once you see one, they do put tremendous pressure on people with psychotic disorders to take extremely high doses of antipsychotics, and sometimes it makes life worse. but being on no antipsychotics when you are this psychotic doesn't make sense. you could easily become even more psychotic, then what? you're already spiritual, so you can't determine what's a mythological story and what's real inherently... so how are you going to see through psychosis if it gets worse?

i am not saying you're wrong. i don't know the answer: there could be some invisible spiritual world of demons and saints and dragons and these are all invisibly influencing the world somehow... who knows? but there's no way to prove it either way, and your thinking about it so much is unusual and probably means your dopamine is imbalanced.

if you're not a criminal or haven't done anything illegal or dangerous ever, then it's hard for them to force you to be on super high doses or lock you up in horrible conditions just for saying you need low dose anti-psychotics. there's not that much of a risk of taking something at a low dose.

so just find som antipsychotic that isn't awful, take it at a low dose, and go do community service and help people and stay off drugs.

you can even find a new psychiatrist and just say "i am worried about spirituality a lot and think a low dose antipsychotic could help"

but really, you sounds highly psychotic. at least a low dose?


you could also do a test. get a new therapist and if you feel like the new therapist is a demon too, you're probably psychotic

this is also a dangerous situation for your psychologist if you get more psychotic. look at that woman who killed her 3 children: she was fine, but feeling bad, fine but feeling bad, and suddenly she heard voices telling her to kill her kids and she did it. you should go back on something if you have this level of psychosis.

Hey, thanks for the reply. I just want to preface this and say that I have no psychosis. Just struggling with spirituality and accepting the state of the world.

While I was in the ward I was notoriously med noncompliant. The longest they could convince me to take the meds was at most 2 weeks before I started to refuse them and they had to change them. I was first put on quetiapine, then respiridone, then olanzapine, then clozapine, back to olanzapine, then they injected zuclopenthixol acuphase which gave me a very severe acute dystonic reaction which landed me in the ICU, before putting me back on low dose olanzapine, quetiapine, and lithium, all of which I am not taking (although I am discharged now fortunately).

I am under a compulsory treatment order which means they can basically force me to do anything.

Honestly, all of the antipsychotics are awful. They have awful side effects, blunt your memory steal your thoughts, make you eat far too much, misalign you spiritually... they are chemical brainwashing and the modern equivalent of the lobotomy.

Antipsychotics are engineered to silence those who dare to step out of line, especially in regards to speaking up about electromagnetic harassment. 2 years ago they used directed energy to destroy the part of my brain that experiences pleasure and motivation, turning me into a zombie. You don't have to believe me but it is happening. It's MKULTRA under a new identity.

Paranoia and delusions are a good trade off for a white pill - maybe humans naturally carry ambivalence, and the nurses/doctors are merely a middleman in the grander scheme of the world's corruption, maybe your spiritual ability has a high sense of perceptibly seeing behind the flesh veil we're all in; since we are carriers of either black or white conscience that can be receptively and easily altered by memories, choices, traumas and experiences.
What part about 'them' could you say that they were speaking to you - generally the state of humanity as a whole?
In other words were you always like this?

I had a spiritual awakening in December of 2025 otherwise before then I've always had mostly atheistic beliefs. I mentioned this above but 2 years ago marks the point in which I started to get targeted. That's where it all fell downhill. Started to skip school, sat in my exams and stared at the blank piece of paper, dropped out of school, stopped talking to my friends, moved to graveyard shifts because people would watch me during the day and I only felt comfortable at night around the least amount of people possible. I am basically a shell of a person, I have no feelings and was hospitalised twice for suicide attempts. Some of this may be my own doing but I largely attribute it to being harassed and watched through my devices.