cant express myself because im typecasted

[keiangel1]

When I was a child I was very introverted and became especially awkward as a young teen. Year 7 through 12 (basically middle and high school) are all in one building, so I have stayed with the same people for almost 6 years. It's difficult for me to express myself the way I want to because everyone already has a certain image of me from when I was younger and it feels weird to stray from that. I am already seen as the awkward shy kid, so I feel forced to stick with that title even though I've long grown out of it. I am more extroverted around my "friends", but I still feel like I can't be my true "loud clown dumbass"self around them. I already feel judged because of my so called "loner" personality, but I feel like I'd be judged more if I were to suddenly switch it up, so I've just been sticking to it anyways. I will go to college abroad next year and I just can't wait for the day I can finally leave this shitty country. I can finally meet new people and be myself (just gotta hope I don't run into any of my old peers cause most of them are also going to that place). I don't think my need for other's approval will ever go away, as much as I want it to. My ultimate goal is to become financially independent enough to move to an entirely new place where I am sure no one from my old life can ever find me again. That would be true freedom for me.