Venting Can't believe I decided to swim to the egg.

[suicides]

I think about this often. I can't believe I swam to the egg to eventually develop into this freak of a human. I hate my family, myself, and my body. I'm 26 and have been lost in life for as long as I remember. No job, currently wasting my time getting a third degree, don't have much of a social life though I do prefer rotting in bed. I attempted in 2023 and was thrown for a ten day stay at a mental hospital. Inhaled mustard gas in my vehicle for two hours straight, but I didn't even pass out. I got the idea from my cousin who attempted but she was described to have been passed out and on "the brink of death".

I hate being part of the lgbt community. Never even fit in the community. I once went to a lgbt club in college a few months ago, and that triggered the hell out of me. Had hella dysphoria even tho I pass well.

Hate that my body's disfigured. Hate my scars. Hate that I'll never be able to be normal. Hate that I don't have a real penis. Hate that I'm 5'8. Hate that I'm not 6 foot. Hate that my hands, wrists, head, rib cage, feet are so fucking tiny. Hate that my voice isn't as deep as I so desperately wish it to be. I so desperately wish I was normal. I wish I repressed like a family member of mine did. He hates his wife, but at least he has a somewhat normal life.

Seems like I've been used as some sort of comedic relief for some sick, twisted, divine entity. Why else would I have been born like this?

I wish I wasn't much of a pussy to hang myself. I'm considering strangling myself, or maybe I'll try exit bag. All I know is I don't want to make it to 30. I shouldn't have made it past 19.

Wish I had someone to scratch my back while I off myself.

 

[intr0verse]

I actually think we were the egg and there was nowhere to run...