Cancer..?

[EG1141]

I have a colonoscopy and endoscopy on Thursday due to some episodical bleeding I've been having for over a year. I have a lot of the symptoms associated with ColoRectal cancer. It's really got me wondering if I may have cancer. But, in a weird way, I wouldn't be sad if I got it, I'm even kinda hoping I have it. Is that weird? Maybe it's just because I want an easy way out. A means to death that I don't have to cause.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

I understand. I wish for this every day. Of I got some sort of diagnose I think it will be the last push I needed to ctb.

 

[LostInTheWoods]

I've been in your same situation months ago, I had many many symptoms of that cancer. I didn't get a colonscopy but all my blood and fecal test were okay, and symptoms went away. But from September to February I had many strange symtomps and yeah I was almost moved thinking about having a cancer, it would have been a liberation. I know that it sounds very bad because cancer is horrible and I shouldn't say this, I know it would have been painful but I want to die, so...

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting a way out of this existence, but anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[Thisisme373]

I wish I had terminal cancer, at least then I know my suffering would be coming to an end, like it's taken out of your hands. You can then get palliative care to ease the suffering/pain. Anyways I'm saying I do understand your thoughts/feelings on wanting it.
I wish I could take somebody's terminal cancer who wants to live. I want out of life bad.

 

[Tesha]

Sorry to say this, but I hope you don't have colorectal. My Ex had stage 3 colorectal and it was bloody hard to go through all of the surgeries, chemo and everything else that came with it. It's not an illness I'd wish on anyone. So, while it can be terminal - I hope in your case it's not - as it's really a shit thing to try and struggle through,

Keep us updated on your colonoscopy results, if you feel able. I wish you well.

 

[Sheeanabrugh]

I have a colonoscopy and endoscopy on Thursday due to some episodical bleeding I've been having for over a year. I have a lot of the symptoms associated with ColoRectal cancer. It's really got me wondering if I may have cancer. But, in a weird way, I wouldn't be sad if I got it, I'm even kinda hoping I have it. Is that weird? Maybe it's just because I want an easy way out. A means to death that I don't have to cause.

I feel you. I think a lot of us are jealous tbh

 

[EG1141]

Sorry to say this, but I hope you don't have colorectal. My Ex had stage 3 colorectal and it was bloody hard to go through all of the surgeries, chemo and everything else that came with it. It's not an illness I'd wish on anyone. So, while it can be terminal - I hope in your case it's not - as it's really a shit thing to try and struggle through,

Keep us updated on your colonoscopy results, if you feel able. I wish you well.

I definitely understand, cancer such a terrible disease and I've lost fanily and friends to it. I just wish I could be in there shoes so they could still be living.

 

[EG1141]

Update: I do in fact have colon cancer (Stage 2 to be specific). I'm just in shock. I'm 19 years old and I just would never have expected this. I don't know how to feel.

 

[Tesha]

There's no right or wrong way to feel at the moment. Just feel whatever you feel and try not to internalise it too much.

I appreciate there's going to be a lot going through your mind at the moment - and you're likely to be bombarded with people telling you what to do. More tests. Possible surgery. Medication.

Never feel afraid to say stop. Never just go along with anything. This is your illness and you need to try to be in control.

This is a horrible place for someone so young to be - but you can offload on here and people will try and listen. Whatever direction you decide to take your future in.