Venting can anyone with BPD relate?

[crystal_meth97]

Why is everything so intense and why do I feel like my emotions could hurt others? Why is DBT so slow? I want to recover and I will fight for my recovery no matter what. I won't kill myself just out of spite! I have lust for life but I break down sometimes and it feels like I want to off myself. I'm not giving up. I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna smoke, I won't do weed, no psych meds, I won't self-harm! Anyone cursed and/or blessed with intense emotions, BPD or not? How do you cope?

 

[f1rebender]

Yep. I'm so lonely but I'm afraid of getting close to anyone. suicide or not, ill end up hurting them or they'll hurt me

 

[crystal_meth97]

Yep. I'm so lonely but I'm afraid of getting close to anyone. suicide or not, ill end up hurting them or they'll hurt me

I'm sorry you're dealing with this curse, too I am no longer afraid of getting close to other people, but the struggle is huge. But still rewarding at the end of the day. I can't not see life as still worth it. But yeah, the thought of CTB sometimes haunts me in these moments…

 

[Lost Magic]

I don't have that illness, but I have spoken to someone online who does and it does sound like pure hell. Sorry you are having to deal with this horrible illness.

 

[MapleSyrupVein]

i have this* it sucks i just want a moment of control and a person that won't leave

 

[crystal_meth97]

I don't have that illness, but I have spoken to someone online who does and it does sound like pure hell. Sorry you are having to deal with this horrible illness.

I'm glad you're not struggling with BPD. It was hell when I was 23-27, but now at almost 30, it's way better. It's only like 30% a problem and DBT therapy helps, as well as the work I put in to get better. But yes, it can be pure hell and encourage you to make bad decisions, even life-threatening ones and I'm not talking about CTB. Thank you for your empathy. I feel better now, it was just a transitory episode. At least the episodes last only for a few hours. I'm determined to not give up and I will never surrender because there is life beyond BPD.

i have this* it sucks i just want a moment of control and a person that won't leave

I'm sorry you're struggling with BPD. It does suck. For me, it got better with age, being the worst between 23 and 27. I'm almost 30 now, as I replied to someone else. I have people who won't leave in my life but in my mind, they can and will leave any time. It's ridiculous and I refrain myself from expressing these BS thoughts because they deter people from spending time with me, hence my venting here. It helps. I hope you're gonna be able to trust someone who won't leave. There are people who can deal with us and who have the necessary patience, as long as we work on ourselves. It's not easy but it is rewarding.

 

[JKFleck]

"Hi, I know I breached your boundary before and I'm doing it again and I'm sorry. This is the last thing I want to do to you again I completely understand if you're unable or unwilling to help, and I respect your decision either way. I'm willing to change and comply to your old and new (if any) boundaries you set and from your perspective you must be deeply hurt so much to do something against your will out of necessity when I started hurting both of us. It's on me and I'm responsible for starting therapy too late after our relationship already shattered.

I'm in a very serious situation now and I don't have much time left due to a mental crisis that only exacerbates when I talk to any other person. You're the only person I feel safe with, and I really need your support right now, I love you. Can we please talk?"

Today I wrote this to a friend who blocked me 8 months ago (which feels more like 80 years of infinite pain) because I mistakenly breached his boundary after he muted me out of nowhere saying that he need a break and don't know if he will ever come back and guess what he blocked my alternate account too without even replying

 

[crystal_meth97]

"Hi, I know I breached your boundary before and I'm doing it again and I'm sorry. This is the last thing I want to do to you again I completely understand if you're unable or unwilling to help, and I respect your decision either way. I'm willing to change and comply to your old and new (if any) boundaries you set and from your perspective you must be deeply hurt so much to do something against your will out of necessity when I started hurting both of us. It's on me and I'm responsible for starting therapy too late after our relationship already shattered.

I'm in a very serious situation now and I don't have much time left due to a mental crisis that only exacerbates when I talk to any other person. You're the only person I feel safe with, and I really need your support right now, I love you. Can we please talk?"

Today I wrote this to a friend who blocked me 8 months ago (which feels more like 80 years of infinite pain) because I mistakenly breached his boundary after he muted me out of nowhere saying that he need a break and don't know if he will ever come back and guess what he blocked my alternate account too without even replying

Fuck... I'm sorry you went through that and I hope your friend will reply to you, fingers crossed! Yes, some people will get sick of BPD folks and will block us. I've never had this happen, I had to cut contact with some people, though, after discussing our situation, but now it's way better. Dealing with boundaries is tricky and it's especially tricky when you have BPD and need reassurance often and overshare and overthink and... you know. I know how time can feel infinite when you feel the need for someone's company, it sucks and it makes you wanna die, at least metaphorically. I get how difficult it can be to respect someone's decision to take a break. I used to step on people's boundaries before a lot and I just wouldn't give a shit. Now I'm very careful and considerate but this comes after years of working on myself and therapy, different types. I hope you can get closure from this relationship and that your BPD gets better somehow, no matter what you choose. Sending good vibes!

 

[JKFleck]

"Hi, I know I breached your boundary before and I'm doing it again and I'm sorry. This is the last thing I want to do to you again I completely understand if you're unable or unwilling to help, and I respect your decision either way. I'm willing to change and comply to your old and new (if any) boundaries you set and from your perspective you must be deeply hurt so much to do something against your will out of necessity when I started hurting both of us. It's on me and I'm responsible for starting therapy too late after our relationship already shattered.

I'm in a very serious situation now and I don't have much time left due to a mental crisis that only exacerbates when I talk to any other person. You're the only person I feel safe with, and I really need your support right now, I love you. Can we please talk?"

Today I wrote this to a friend who blocked me 8 months ago (which feels more like 80 years of infinite pain) because I mistakenly breached his boundary after he muted me out of nowhere saying that he need a break and don't know if he will ever come back and guess what he blocked my alternate account too without even replying

Welp...... don't say I didn't warn you when you discover that I'm dead mate

Fuck... I'm sorry you went through that and I hope your friend will reply to you, fingers crossed! Yes, some people will get sick of BPD folks and will block us. I've never had this happen, I had to cut contact with some people, though, after discussing our situation, but now it's way better. Dealing with boundaries is tricky and it's especially tricky when you have BPD and need reassurance often and overshare and overthink and... you know. I know how time can feel infinite when you feel the need for someone's company, it sucks and it makes you wanna die, at least metaphorically. I get how difficult it can be to respect someone's decision to take a break. I used to step on people's boundaries before a lot and I just wouldn't give a shit. Now I'm very careful and considerate but this comes after years of working on myself and therapy, different types. I hope you can get closure from this relationship and that your BPD gets better somehow, no matter what you choose. Sending good vibes!

They tell me to open up and be vulnerable and guess what every time I try to educate them on how to deal with my BPD better they call me a guilt-tripper and blame-shifting on them, I always get punished when I open up to any other people but him

Fuck... I'm sorry you went through that and I hope your friend will reply to you, fingers crossed! Yes, some people will get sick of BPD folks and will block us. I've never had this happen, I had to cut contact with some people, though, after discussing our situation, but now it's way better. Dealing with boundaries is tricky and it's especially tricky when you have BPD and need reassurance often and overshare and overthink and... you know. I know how time can feel infinite when you feel the need for someone's company, it sucks and it makes you wanna die, at least metaphorically. I get how difficult it can be to respect someone's decision to take a break. I used to step on people's boundaries before a lot and I just wouldn't give a shit. Now I'm very careful and considerate but this comes after years of working on myself and therapy, different types. I hope you can get closure from this relationship and that your BPD gets better somehow, no matter what you choose. Sending good vibes!

Do you know Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars? He's a perfect cinematic representation of BPD imo

Fuck... I'm sorry you went through that and I hope your friend will reply to you, fingers crossed! Yes, some people will get sick of BPD folks and will block us. I've never had this happen, I had to cut contact with some people, though, after discussing our situation, but now it's way better. Dealing with boundaries is tricky and it's especially tricky when you have BPD and need reassurance often and overshare and overthink and... you know. I know how time can feel infinite when you feel the need for someone's company, it sucks and it makes you wanna die, at least metaphorically. I get how difficult it can be to respect someone's decision to take a break. I used to step on people's boundaries before a lot and I just wouldn't give a shit. Now I'm very careful and considerate but this comes after years of working on myself and therapy, different types. I hope you can get closure from this relationship and that your BPD gets better somehow, no matter what you choose. Sending good vibes!

I'm in shambles man I'm overhere being like PLEASEEEE SET ANY BOUNDARIES AND I SWEAR I WILL RESPECT THEM, anything but blocking and no contact pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I wish I can say back "My boundary is warn me before abandoning me first"

 

[crystal_meth97]

Welp...... don't say I didn't warn you when you discover that I'm dead mate

They tell me to open up and be vulnerable and guess what every time I try to educate them on how to deal with my BPD better they call me a guilt-tripper and blame-shifting on them, I always get punished when I open up to any other people but him

Do you know Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars? He's a perfect cinematic representation of BPD imo

Damn! I know those people, they are not good if you want to recover or have someone at least understand and deal with your BPD. Understanding this complex disorder requires patience and a very open mind, which they don't seem to have, no offense. You are not a guilt-tripper or blame-shifter for trying to educate this person. BPD is tricky for everyone involved, for both the sufferer and those around them. I gave up on my parents trying to understand BPD. They kinda try but they just don't have the mental energy, tho they do have resources and I could be there to help during the process. But my recovery partner understands, tho my BPD is not a major issue at the moment. But it does exist and it's real and it won't ever go away completely. Back to you - I'm sorry you receive no empathy for your disorder from this person. Try to distance yourself maybe? For your own peace of mind and mental health, you deserve it. Take care of yourself and when possible and if you have the chance, surround yourself with people who make an effort to understand, no matter how severe your BPD is now. Sending good vibes!

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Yeah, I relate to these things. I have to constantly remind myself that what I'm feeling is probably disproportionate and not in line with how I should be feeling, or how someone else would process these emotions. I genuinely do wish that I could feel things on a much lower level - simply be numb or unfeeling towards life and the world.

The amount which I've had to process completely alone and simply absorb without any help is pretty mind-blowing. I don't have people that I can talk to about how this feels, and anyone new in my life would find these traits off-putting or something they should distance themselves from. It's an ongoing, private struggle that I constantly grapple with, and have to shield others from at the same time. It's extremely draining, and lonely.

 

[fleshgarden]

I don't have BPD but I do have cptsd which I think doesn't stray too far off from it.. I relate to this. everything feels like pain. but I can't heal my pain because anything based on people seeing or helping me feels like I'm ruining the world ..

 

[JKFleck]

Damn! I know those people, they are not good if you want to recover or have someone at least understand and deal with your BPD. Understanding this complex disorder requires patience and a very open mind, which they don't seem to have, no offense. You are not a guilt-tripper or blame-shifter for trying to educate this person. BPD is tricky for everyone involved, for both the sufferer and those around them. I gave up on my parents trying to understand BPD. They kinda try but they just don't have the mental energy, tho they do have resources and I could be there to help during the process. But my recovery partner understands, tho my BPD is not a major issue at the moment. But it does exist and it's real and it won't ever go away completely. Back to you - I'm sorry you receive no empathy for your disorder from this person. Try to distance yourself maybe? For your own peace of mind and mental health, you deserve it. Take care of yourself and when possible and if you have the chance, surround yourself with people who make an effort to understand, no matter how severe your BPD is now. Sending good vi

At some point I had this stupid random thought where it goes "B...but that guy's GF is suicidal and has Bipolar Disorder yet he's not breaking up with her so I'm gonna become trans girl just to get him to come back

It's so painful that the word "boundary" hurts and traumatizes me more than that one time I got raped as a kid it's that stupid
BPD is often confused or misdiagnosed with CPTSD and vice-versa, well guess what I have both xD

 

[ImTelling]

Just makes me feel like I'm being an annoying attention seeker. Fuels the desire to CBT. Don't wanna annoy anyone else.

Mood
swings
MOOD
Swings...

 

[JKFleck]

Damn! I know those people, they are not good if you want to recover or have someone at least understand and deal with your BPD. Understanding this complex disorder requires patience and a very open mind, which they don't seem to have, no offense. You are not a guilt-tripper or blame-shifter for trying to educate this person. BPD is tricky for everyone involved, for both the sufferer and those around them. I gave up on my parents trying to understand BPD. They kinda try but they just don't have the mental energy, tho they do have resources and I could be there to help during the process. But my recovery partner understands, tho my BPD is not a major issue at the moment. But it does exist and it's real and it won't ever go away completely. Back to you - I'm sorry you receive no empathy for your disorder from this person. Try to distance yourself maybe? For your own peace of mind and mental health, you deserve it. Take care of yourself and when possible and if you have the chance, surround yourself with people who make an effort to understand, no matter how severe your BPD is now. Sending good vibes!

"Someone with patience and a very open mind," Which I used to have, until he ran out of patience and blocked me I wish he knows that it only "enables" my bad BPD behaviors even more

 

[JKFleck]

I wish he doesn't see me using suicide as emotional blackmail but instead, I genuinely want to die because it's so unbearable when he says "I won't go away, my door will always be open" Only to closes his door later

 

[JKFleck]

BPD, also known as Boundary Perforating Disorder

 

[crystal_meth97]

BPD, also known as Boundary Perforating Disorder

Yup, it can be like that sometimes, unfortunately...

 

[JKFleck]

I often compare my BPD to like having the Rage Virus from 28 days/weeks later, very scary