Breaking Up with SS

[Lorraine]

I joined this site about a year ago, I think. I came for resources and made friends. I was even virtually present for someone who took his life. I had no intention of being there, but there I was. It was hard, to say the least.
I am an older person and have struggled here with how many young people want to take their lives. As much as I respect the right to choose, I take issue with how easily support is offered here. I hold a firm belief now that support is offered too freely. Even flippantly, in some cases. I have resolved that I am not OK with this.
I attempted to be more of a "recovery" type of person, but that didn't last. Primarily because "recovery" is not so popular on this site. I would love to start my own "recovery" elsewhere. I have been around the block more than a few times and know that life is worth living. I am not being a "pro-lifer" (ha, god forbid), but I am being someone that encourages other options.
That said, SS, I am breaking up with you. You have introduced me to some amazing people, and I will be here long enough for them to connect with me if they so choose. And if you choose to approve this post, O Gods of the Mods. ;)
Otherwise, honestly, I think this site is unhealthy and have no desire to support it any longer. I am sorry to say this. But, other than a few exceptions, I have seen no evidence to the contrary.
Peace,
Lolo

 

[Symbiote]

You've had a fighter's attitude and I feel you have that can-do personality where no obstacle can stand in your way, also rather feisty too. Sometimes when a community has outlived it's usefulness and you seek better avenues like recovery, then I don't blame you for leaving. After all it's your health, your life, and your choice. Good luck with your recovery and any future endeavors!

 

[NothingElseMatters]

you probably have a nice life, I'm pretty sure you're not tormented by thoughts, that's why you say that.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I understand that it can be difficult, considering i am one of the younger ones (almost 22), i do find it difficult reading about those that have been depressed since they were younger. And i can understand why a site like this can be harder to someone older, as i find that as i age the "younger" age becomes me. I remember a post i wrote here where i said something like "wow ive been depressed for X amount of years" (i want to say 8 but i cant do the math right now). Ill read about people who have been depressed since 5 and now im feeling that way about 15-17yos and realizing, that was me. It makes sense. Take time away, aside from the whole 'helping' thing, which i dont really care about for the most part. Some of the questions and answers really do border on you shouldnt do that, i do find the place kinda pessimistic and better away anyway i wish you well.

 

[WornOutLife]

Even though I don't totally agree with what you said, I understand your reasons for leaving.
As for me, I'm still alive thanks to the amazing people here and I've also made lots of great friends on SS. (and I'll probably make some more. Hey, you, the one reading this, wanna be my friend? lol)

Whatever the future has in store for you, I wish you lots of love and peace.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[Goodbye710]

This site has changed this year. I only read some threads now. There are good people here but many others it's not wise to converse with them. It's hard for me to recommend this site to anyone.

I think when this site got media attention is when many younger and many came who view this site as being edgy or even a fetish. There are too many here.

I view taking your life to be the very last option available and it is ok in rare circumstances but it seems many of these younger people it is a different mindset than those of us who are older. The culture is different.

I largely blame baby boomer and gen x parenting strategies for what's happening.

 

[Water-Lily]

I've been staying away from forums and chat for a bit. However I had to respond to your post.

In a lot of ways, I agree with you. I remember that night when we listened to that member die. It was honestly very traumatizing. I asked myself "am I cut out for this? The pro-choice mentality?". That incident left me scarred. I also think about the experiences I have had of sexual harassment and mean people in general. All in all I am beginning to feel less and less happy with SS. I don't know when I will leave myself, but my feelings grow with each day. You are not alone.

anyway, I enjoy talking with you. I would love to keep in touch if you end up leaving soon. We can chat via PM about this if you'd like

 

[Lorraine]

Thank you for this support. Wow. I would like to amend my initial post to say that I believe the site is "unhealthy for me". I absolutely cannot speak to others' experiences.
I also believe that my age is a factor because I have had tremendous difficulty connecting with older people, and I end up wanting to "save" the younger ones. It's been a difficult challenge. I am almost absurdly empathic, and the choice has much to do with my needing to focus on mental health.

 

[Water-Lily]

Thank you for this support. Wow. I would like to amend my initial post to say that I believe the site is "unhealthy for me". I absolutely cannot speak to others' experiences.
I also believe that my age is a factor because I have had tremendous difficulty connecting with older people, and I end up wanting to "save" the younger ones. It's been a difficult challenge. I am almost absurdly empathic, and the choice has much to do with my needing to focus on mental health.

Thank you for being so open and honest. While I do believe everyone has their own experiences on how the site appears to them, I do agree with you overall. Looking back at how I felt about the site when I first joined, vs how I feel now, I am contemplating leaving eventually. I am not sure where I will go, but I def am thinking about it.
As for age, that is an interesting factor. I feel many younger people (teens and young adults) are falling ill more to mental illness and suicide. It's a sad time for our youth and I am honestly not very hopeful about my own future. Mentally I am still focused on being in a limbo state (which is not healthy) but I recognize its where I am now. Whether I live or die, I at least know I have people in my life I can talk to. At the very least, my therapist agrees to stay with me.

 

[Amumu]

Good luck with your recovery outside of SS

Take care,

Amumu

 

[Somage]

you are awesome please do not leave

 

[Werewolf.]

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am a religious person myself and I am not comfortable in encouraging others to do the deed, which is why I lurk mostly rather than post actively. I am still here because I can relate to people's feelings. And that is why I am staying. This is the only place where I can talk about my feelings openly. On a final note, I would like to say good luck! May you find peace in this life.

 

[LastFlowers]

Try not to project your outlook onto other people, because your post sure seems to say that your way and your experience with life as being "worth living" is some sort of universal fact, when it's not.

..Also I don't understand how you were present for another person's death when you make it sound like you were forced to witness it against your will?
Could you not have exited out of it?
Apologies but that part confused me..

What do you consider support offered too freely?
I am pretty sure the community offers their support because they know it won't be had elsewhere and they're sick of being without, it just seems silly to isolate that as an issue on a site that is basically a tiny little speck on the internet, serving a purpose that no other place will.
Would you rather snuff out that tiny outlet entirely?

I am not sure what you consider too young to make the decision either, as I assume you mean some age range over 18, considering minors are banned from becoming members (obviously some try to sign up anyways, but you get my point.)

Cheers to you, but did you really have to announce it? Unless to degrade the majority of the community and the site itself? Slamming the door on your way out..
It's just not tasteful, and it's unnecessary, like those who announce their leave from Facebook or other social media.
I would think it would do you better just to message your farewells to the few members you actually connected with.

Either way, I am sure you are making the right decision for YOU if that's how you feel about the matter.
So I won't knock you for that much.
...
I see in a follow up comment you addressed the specification but don't you think empathy includes supporting those who think differently than yourself?
It doesn't sound like you can actually put yourself in other's shoes as a self-proclaimed "empath"..I think if you could, you wouldn't be saying what you are.

Btw I've seen plenty to the "contrary" of what you find issue with, and the recovery section is quite active now, to the point I keep accidentally ending up there from clicking into unassumingly titled threads in the "what's new" section.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I am pretty sure the community offers their support because they know it won't be had elsewhere and they're sick of being without,

Just thought id add that another reason for helping is to actually help.
Say someone has a plan and they post it but the other members know its most likely going to fail then its going to be advised to not do it or how to "fix it" and make it "better".
The point of this however is NOT to help them commit suicide but instead to keep them "safe". Keep them out of the hospital, vegitative state, type thing. Some methods can seriously fuck you up and all it is, is we dont want to see that, someone whos life is clearly already bad enough, getting worse.
With or without us this person is going to attempt to commit suicide.

 

[Donk]

I respect your decision to leave SS and I'll miss you dearly in chat. All the best and I pray that you'll get your life back someday. much love.

@Lorraine

 

[Hattywacky]

Nah I kinda get it I think. I didn't a few years ago. Suicide sometimes seems like got a headache ? Well then cut your head off. Does it solve the headache? Yeah. But like so does paracetamol. But I tried "paracetamol" and the rest for a few years now. Didn't help.

I wish you well, whatever that means for you.

 

[motel rooms]

Try not to project your outlook onto other people, because your post sure seems to say that your way and your experience with life as being "worth living" is some sort of universal fact, when it's not.

I see in a follow up comment you addressed the specification but don't you think empathy includes supporting those who think differently than yourself?
It doesn't sound like you can actually put yourself in other's shoes as a self-proclaimed "empath"..I think if you could, you wouldn't be saying what you are.

It's quite annoying how so many old people think that youth magically solves every problem imaginable. How empathic...

I view taking your life to be the very last option available and it is ok in rare circumstances but it seems many of these younger people it is a different mindset than those of us who are older. The culture is different.

Maybe you just didn't suffer a lot when you were young, so you can't imagine that certain young people experience unbearable suffering

 

[ClairyFairy]

Lorraine was just expessing her valid feelings and in a large way I agree. It is very hard seeing people half my age dying. I'm not saying they're not valid I'm saying personally I find that part of it hard. I'll miss you @Lorraine you've helped me when I was in crisis and I thank you for it. Good luck xx

 

[motel rooms]

Lorraine was just expessing her valid feelings and in a large way I agree. It is very hard seeing people half my age dying. I'm not saying they're not valid I'm saying personally I find that part of it hard.

I'm just expressing my valid feelings when I say that this was a very shitty thing to say: "I take issue with how easily support is offered here. (...) I think this site is unhealthy." How should support be offered here? With a side of judgment & extensive background checks instead of easily?

 

[ClairyFairy]

I'm just expressing my valid feelings when I say that this was a very shitty thing to say: "I take issue with how easily support is offered here. (...) I think this site is unhealthy." How should support be offered here? With a side of judgment & extensive background checks instead of easily?

I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply that your feelings weren't valid because they are. I can see why you're offended by these comments but I was only talking about how hard I personally find it. It's a suicide website so it's crazy but the death part really gets to me and when it's someone young I find it even harder. That's all I didn't want to upset you more HBG x

 

[motel rooms]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply that your feelings weren't valid because they are. I can see why you're offended by these comments but I was only talking about how hard I personally find it. It's a suicide website so it's crazy but the death part really gets to me and when it's someone young I find it even harder. That's all I didn't want to upset you more HBG x

Your words didn't upset me. None of us enjoy the fact that people are dying...

 

[PeacefulRest]

This is another interesting discussion. Maybe I should come here more often! The reason I found SS was that I wanted to know the best, likeliest and most humane way to kill myself. I wanted to see reasonable discussion on the topic, and I have since I joined this place (and barely visited, but still). It's like any forum, some stuff will make sense to a person, most stuff will not interest a person, and some stuff will outrage a person.

Anyway, my reason for being here was to find a reliable, not too ugly and painful, way to kill myself, should I have the will or the need to do that. This place should therefore, from my point of view, not make the discovery of the methods or philosophies of suicide too obscure, or else what's the point?

 

[UKscotty]

It's not an airport, no need to announce departures.

 

[Hurt]

It's so good to read this things. Wish you the best out of SS

 

[puppet_nihilist]

I just wanna die in peace you know, stop putting more obstacles in front of me. Scratch that, you can express your opinions, but maybe think a little a bit? Do we not have ownership over our lives? If we choose the suicide route rather than the recovery route is it unhealthy? If so then how are you different from prolifers, stigmatizing suicide?

The thing is, you said you're a "recovery" type of person which is fine, it's alright. I do not have any issues with that. The real problem is that when I came to this forum I expected neither support for suicide nor encouragement for recovery. My understanding is that SS respects that it's your life and whatever you choose you won't be judged for making that choice. I'm fed up getting barraged with "omg pls don't die we are here for you" comments by anonymous strangers (reddit is one example out of hundreds of places on the internet) who don't even know anything about the abuse and the trauma I experienced through my life. They are not "here for me" they are not "here for you" they are not here for anyone of us. No one has explicitly encouraged me to commit suicide here on SS neither has anyone brigaded my ass with "pls don't ctb" type of superficial and naively optimistic comments. That's the beauty of SS, no one gives themselves the fucking right to coerce you into following one of the two paths of either living or ctb. You know why? Because the people here respect that it's your choice and only you can make that choice.

Now what is good about this forum is that if you ask for specific resources to educate yourself about suicide methods let's say or even if you want to educate yourself about recovery people can help you in both without actually interfering with your final decision. If someone wants to hang themselves or wants to learn about SN, people here can link the mega threads or the wiki to help guide the person to resources, no one should dare interfere with your choice; it is selfish since it's to preserve your own emotions or superficial moralism and it is immature since you're doing so without respecting the other person's autonomy. Now please tell me, where on the internet can I find another forum like SS where people can provide resources that I request (be it for suicide methods or for recovery) without giving themselves the liberty of telling you what's the right option for you out of the two and even outright censoring a particular one of those two options?

People should stop looking at unrequested support for recovery so positively or unrequested support for suicide negatively/positively as well. They are both forms of coercion, they should both be outright banned from any sort of discourse, I view them as giving yourself the right to choose what a person should do with their lives and even judge them for their final choice, it's violation of ones rights and ones bodily autonomy. I just felt somewhat insulted by whatever waffle you wrote, to be honest I didn't understand half of what you said. You also apparently corrected one of the statements in your posts saying "... It's not healthy for me..." Whatever that even means. Like what exactly are you saying I couldn't decipher it. I only responded to the parts I felt I understood the most. You generalize a statement and then somehow make it personal or say that it's your subjective opinion, but you're also claiming that people here support suicide although I'm pretty sure it's a violation of the forum's rules and I have never experienced or came across such things, it maybe because I'm somewhat new but I lurked here a lot. SS is a gigantic move forward in suicide discourse and in being prochoice, you not liking SS is either due to a personal experience with people who violate the forum's rules or it's either that you still need to adapt and overcome the emotional barrier that you and many prolifers have when it comes to suicide discourse. See, I'm not blaming you, both cases can be helped. Report whoever violates forum rules by explicitly encouraging someone to do something with their lives or just talk about your emotions when it comes to suicide and some people here can hear you out I suppose. This forum is the only place I've been to that can have people who offer information about suicide methods without censorship and without encouraging one thing or the other. That's the prochoice spirit.

 

[Efilismislife]

i see many post about hateful allegations being thrown around only because of different opinions

i guess some people can be sensitive/emotional

Unfortunately the other thread got closed down. Its interesting to see

I'm fed up getting barraged with "omg pls don't die we are here for you" comments by anonymous strangers (reddit is one example out of hundreds of places on the internet) who don't even know anything about the abuse and the trauma I experienced through my life. They are not "here for me" they are not "here for you" they are not here for anyone of us.

Well, Dont think about it too much
Some people say that out of courtesy. Like people say "hope you have a good day"
On the contrary to "go ctb we dont care"

Also not every place is suicidal friendly like SS, cause not everybody suicidal&want to read about suicide.

Maybe they dont know how to react to your suicidal story and thought youre posting it looking for attention and they give it

 

[puppet_nihilist]

Some people say that out of courtesy.

You know I've thought about it and I think it signals to a more profoundly problematic issue with how people instinctively respond to suicide and how suicide discourse is just so one sided. It's more of a deeply ingrained instinct than it is mere courtesy, that's my perspective on it. The reason I'm so harshly opposed to this is something that I haven't really familiarized anyone here with; I am a person who's extremely in favor of legalizing euthanasia and the right to bodily autonomy. It's my mistake that I haven't said it in that context. Without radically reforming how people view and react to suicide, euthanasia or assisted suicide are just a pipe dream and will remain as such. Taking suicide discourse lightly will keep our rights out of reach, that's my speculative view on it.

Maybe they dont know how to react to your suicidal story and thought youre posting it looking for attention and they give it

I like this point and I think it's thought provoking. I thought about this and then came to the conclusion that basically everything personal that you share on the internet is a form of getting attention. It's brought up in a negative context when the issue is suicide which I see as something that supports my view that suicide discourse is inherently flawed and one sided with people allowing themselves to interfere with another person's rights. If we shared stuff on the internet on the basis of avoiding unnecessary attention then everybody will be paralyzed and not able to post anything lol. People won't post about their success if they are lonely and are looking for some person to share it with, people won't post about their depression if they don't have anyone else to talk to and find anonymity safe, all of us would be selfish people looking for attention. As a side note though, personally, suicide attention is the worst form of attention. I once posted about being fed up and wanting to ctb but here I am still alive imprisoned in the flesh bag. This kind of attention isn't funny or pleasurable I assure you.

 

[Efilismislife]

Didnt you say that happen outside SS? Because its different.

The respond they make could be because theyre not suicidal.
Its kind of the same i guess for example,
the people who arent into bdsm will not get it&how to respond to people who are into that thing.

Things out of the ordinary will not be understandable by many people

You know I've thought about it and I think it signals to a more profoundly problematic issue with how people instinctively respond to suicide and how suicide discourse is just so one sided. It's more of a deeply ingrained instinct than it is mere courtesy, that's my perspective on it. The reason I'm so harshly opposed to this is something that I haven't really familiarized anyone here with; I am a person who's extremely in favor of legalizing euthanasia and the right to bodily autonomy. It's my mistake that I haven't said it in that context. Without radically reforming how people view and react to suicide, euthanasia or assisted suicide are just a pipe dream and will remain as such. Taking suicide discourse lightly will keep our rights out of reach, that's my speculative view on it.






I like this point and I think it's thought provoking. I thought about this and then came to the conclusion that basically everything personal that you share on the internet is a form of getting attention. It's brought up in a negative context when the issue is suicide which I see as something that supports my view that suicide discourse is inherently flawed and one sided with people allowing themselves to interfere with another person's rights. If we shared stuff on the internet on the basis of avoiding unnecessary attention then everybody will paralyzed and not able to post anything lol. People won't post about their success if they are lonely and are looking for some person to share it with, people won't post about their depression if they don't have anyone else to talk to and find anonymity safe, all of us would be selfish people looking for attention. As a side note though, personally, suicide attention is the worst form of attention. I once posted about being fed up and wanting to ctb but here I am still alive imprisoned in the flesh bag. This kind of attention isn't funny or pleasurable I assure you.

 

[puppet_nihilist]

It does happen outside SS a lot and it needs reform. I talked more generally about the attention but used SS in one final anecdote, I talk so rapidly since my brain is a mush forgive me lmao.

 

[Makko]

If the notion that this site may be unhealthy bothers you, it reveals a fundamental divide. People don't come here in search of health and recovery. People come here because they feel doomed. For some the feeling is temporary, and when it recedes they become "recovery types". For others the feeling is not temporary. Being healthy and recovering was never the goal.

There's not necessarily any value in recovering, because the question is then: what exactly would you be recovering? You can never be a "recovery type" if you don't have a good answer to this, while it seems to be that recovery types don't even understand the significance of the question.