SeekingOasis
Just floatin' around.
- Jan 8, 2023
- 13
Never made a thread of my own on here, so here goes nothing.
I've been immensely depressed and suicidal since I was a pre-teen (around 10-11ish). I've always had a fascination towards psychology, I think because I've desperately wanted to understand myself. I got my bachelors, and I work in peer support for a grant-funded program. In my work, I primarily work with teens and young adults who struggle with psychosis, depression and suicidal ideation. When I talk to my peers, what they say truly resonates with me. How they talk about their lived experiences and how that shapes their worldviews. I truly enjoy my work, but it's not a livable wage and I'm still stuck at home with my parents (one of which I don't have a good relationship with, but that's an entire story of its own). Even though I enjoy my work, all I wish for is nothingness. No responsibility, no feelings, no sensory inputs or outputs. I long for nothing. Even when I am (for the most part) comfortable and content, it is not what I truly seek. I'm not sure if I am cut out for this world, or if I am just being selfish. I'm just full of hopelessness that has nowhere to go, I just cannot channel the intensity of it into something else.
It's hard and I feel like I'm stuck.
I've been immensely depressed and suicidal since I was a pre-teen (around 10-11ish). I've always had a fascination towards psychology, I think because I've desperately wanted to understand myself. I got my bachelors, and I work in peer support for a grant-funded program. In my work, I primarily work with teens and young adults who struggle with psychosis, depression and suicidal ideation. When I talk to my peers, what they say truly resonates with me. How they talk about their lived experiences and how that shapes their worldviews. I truly enjoy my work, but it's not a livable wage and I'm still stuck at home with my parents (one of which I don't have a good relationship with, but that's an entire story of its own). Even though I enjoy my work, all I wish for is nothingness. No responsibility, no feelings, no sensory inputs or outputs. I long for nothing. Even when I am (for the most part) comfortable and content, it is not what I truly seek. I'm not sure if I am cut out for this world, or if I am just being selfish. I'm just full of hopelessness that has nowhere to go, I just cannot channel the intensity of it into something else.
It's hard and I feel like I'm stuck.
